thinking about brnine and the mountain goats black pear tree. the progression of the visions of the future
“i saw the future in a dream last night. there’s nothing in it.” partizan ass i just want to leave i can’t even really conceive of a different life let alone a radical reimagining of government and society and i don’t think it will work but i’m here anyway. helping to plant the seed. ramping down the earth.
“i saw the future in a dream last night. somebody’s gonna get hurt, i hope it’s not me. but i suspect it’s going to have to be.” palisade!! survivors guilt, inability to grieve, but this time they Saw a future! and they can see, they know too intimately, that it can only be built on the back of sacrifice. they hope the sacrifice isn’t more people they love. they hope it’s themself.
“i saw the future flowering like a ruptured vessel. somebody's gonna get screwed; it won't be me. someday I am going to walk out of here free” p3??? end of palisade, even. the future outside of a dream, something real. something they can see in the sapling they cultivated. arbor blooming through the galaxy. and maybe, just maybe… the will to live.
and things john has said about the song! he wrote it when he thought he was dying. when someone said to him “you think you have to pay for the things you did before” and he said “i KNOW i have to pay for all the things i did before.” a song about pain. a song about feeling very far from god.