Auntie joined me in the shower
#phm#ryland grace#rocky the eridian#project hail mary spoilers






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Auntie joined me in the shower
So I Accidentally Became an Aunt to Four Kids at Once
No one warns you what itās like to become an aunt overnight to not one, not two, but four kids at the same time. You think youāre signing up for the occasional birthday party, maybe babysitting once in a while, a cute drawing stuck to your fridge. Instead, you find yourself knee-deep in chaos, laughter, and at least one child trying to eat dog poop. (Yes, really. That happened. And no, Iāll never emotionally recover from it.)
Meet my squad: Claire and Rose, my boyfriendās sisterās kids, and Mary and John Frank, my boyfriendās brotherās kids. Together, they are four tiny hurricanes with sticky fingers, big personalities, and an unshakable belief that Iām both their favorite playmate and a grown-up responsible enough to stop them from burning the house down. Spoiler: I am neither.
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Claire: The Mischief Queen
Claire is what youād call a hands-on learner. She doesnāt believe in the phrase ādonāt touch that.ā She believes in experimenting. She once ate dog poop just to see what it tasted like. (For the record, I did not encourage this science experiment, nor do I recommend it.) Another time, she figured out how to turn the stove on all by herself. Nothing says āinstant heart attackā like seeing a toddler casually twisting a burner knob while humming to herself like sheās in a Disney movie.
Claire is the definition of a wild childāequal parts mischief and charm, with a will that could bend steel if she set her mind to it. She has this fearless streak that keeps everyone on their toes, whether sheās sneaking snacks like a tiny bandit or testing the laws of gravity by climbing anything taller than she is. Her humor comes naturallyāthose mischievous grins, the dramatic giggles after pulling off some stuntāand even when sheās driving you half mad, she somehow makes you laugh in the middle of it. Claire doesnāt just live life loudly, she charges at it headfirst, with all the energy of a toddler who has absolutely no intention of slowing down.
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Rose: The Foodie Comedian
Rose is my spirit animal. This girl has two settings: ignoring everything you say, or eating with such commitment that you wonder if sheās in training for a hot dogāeating contest. Sheās the type of kid who, when you tell her āno more snacks,ā will look you dead in the eye while simultaneously sneaking goldfish crackers into her mouth.
Sheās effortlessly hilariousāthe kind of kid who can make you laugh when youāre trying your hardest to be serious. If Claire is chaos, Rose is comedy. Sheāll ignore every rule with a straight face, then do something so absurd you canāt help but crack up. How are you supposed to stay stern when the same child who just launched LEGOs across the room is now twirling around the kitchen, holding a granola bar like itās her microphone and sheās headlining a sold-out show? With Rose, even the mischief comes with a punchline.
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Mary: The Quiet Genius
Mary is the brains of the operation. Sheās sharp, observant, and always watching. You can almost see the gears turning in her head as she calculates the best way to get what she wants. Sheās like a tiny CEO with a clipboard. If you tell her no, she wonāt throw a tantrumāsheāll circle back in ten minutes with a PowerPoint presentation of why youāre wrong.
Spending time with Mary feels less like babysitting and more like being interviewed for a job you didnāt know you applied for. Sheāll just look at you like, āAnd what qualifies you to be our aunt?ā And honestly? Sheās not wrong.
Mary also has a way of making you feel like youāre part of her grand planāeven if youāre not sure what that plan actually is. Sheāll hand you a toy, give you a look, and suddenly you realize youāve been drafted into some elaborate scheme sheās orchestrating. She doesnāt just play house; she runs it. And somehow, youāre always reporting to her
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John Frank: The Thinker
Then thereās John Frank. Heās smart like Mary, but quieter about it. Heās the type of kid who will sit back, let the chaos unfold, and then calmly say something so insightful it makes the adults in the room stop and stare. Like, āDid you know dinosaurs probably had feathers?ā And youāre just standing there holding a juice box, wondering why you suddenly feel like you need to go back to school.
John Frank is also the most likely to remind you that kids are always paying attention, even when you think they arenāt. Heāll repeat something you said three weeks ago word-for-word, which is both impressive and terrifying.
John Frank also has this way of observing the world that feels older than his years. Heāll watch everything play out, take it all in, and then drop a thought so perfectly timed it feels like wisdom disguised in a kidās voice. Itās never loud or showy, just simple and true. Being around him reminds you that sometimes the softest presence can carry the most weight.
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Me: The Fun Aunt (and the āWhat Have I Done?ā Aunt)
Somehow, in the middle of this four-child circus, Iāve earned the title of fun aunt. Iām the one who sneaks them extra snacks, laughs at the jokes their parents would roll their eyes at, and lets them dance on the couch when weāre supposed to be āwinding down.ā Iām also the one who gets tackled the second I walk in the door. Thereās no such thing as a casual entrance when four kids are sprinting at you like linebackers.
But Iām also the what have I gotten myself into aunt. The one who lies in bed at night wondering how four people under the age of ten managed to completely outsmart me, again. The one who thinks babysitting will be āchillā and then ends up Googling āhow to get slime out of hairā at 11 p.m.
Itās a strange balance, being the aunt who wants to say yes to all the fun but also knows that yes sometimes leads to Claire cooking the family dog.
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The Chaos is the Point
Hereās the thing: as much as I joke about the chaos, the truth isāI wouldnāt trade it. Being an aunt to four wild kids at once is exhausting, hilarious, terrifying, and heart-melting all rolled into one. Itās the sound of giggles echoing through the house, the little arms wrapping around your neck, the sticky kisses you swore you didnāt want but secretly love.
Itās Claireās mischief, Roseās laughter, Maryās sharp questions, and John Frankās quiet wisdom. Itās being the person who isnāt quite a parent but isnāt just a random adult either. Itās finding out that love can look like holding sticky hands, answering a million āwhyā questions, and laughing until your stomach hurts because Rose just announced she wants to marry pizza.
Yes, theyāre wild. Yes, theyāre exhausting. But theyāre also four of the best reasons Iāve ever had to show up, to laugh more, and to find joy in the chaos.
So if you ever find yourself suddenly becoming an aunt or uncle to not one, not two, but four kids at onceābuckle up. Buy the snacks, childproof the stove, and prepare to laugh until you cry. Itās going to be a ride.
Matching slippers
That's become obviously a thing. I do every other picture I sign at the conventions. Can you make it to my niece? I'm like, sure. -WillĀ
Auntie knows best - A girl and her aunt wearing beautiful satin robes.
My niece has her second birthday today!
Lovely day today
A little Robert Duvall-related story. (RIP, Sir.)
My niece, when she was but a tiny hobbit, began calling me Boo. Having read "To Kill a Mockingbird" (back when school kids still did that), I didn't mind. When a friend once made fun of this name, I reminded him of what Boo Radley did for those kids, and what I'd do for my niece.
I've been called a lot of things in my life, but Boo is a name I'll never take offense to.