Q: I am going through a divorce - should I tell my kid all that is happening? He is 9 years old and I am worried he will think it's his fault.
A: Research has told us that children of divorce can end up being disillusioned, confused, feel as it it was all their fault, can develop self esteem and behavioral problems just to mention a few.
It for this reason many parents take the stance not to tell the children, especially if they are young. Instead they duck and dive around the issue, make inventive and elaborate excuses why one spouse no longer lives at home or is available to tuck them in at night.
Some parents even go to the extent of hiding their relationship breakdown, separation and/or divorce from their grown up children. This can happen where the children have flown the nest, left town/country and have families of their own. The pretense becomes a little easier to pull off.
Whatever the case, whether young or old, my view is that children should be told about the divorce or relationship breakdown as soon as it is expedient to do so. It also helps the grieving process and provides an air of honesty and integrity.
Start thinking about thriving children. Let's stop keeping secrets from our children but walk in complete integrity and transparency.
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