Long version of my last post
Honestly writing down my thoughts is the only writing I’m going to get out any time soon. Its been almost a year and a half since I wrote anything for fun and it's really cutting me deep because it used to be something I really loved and now there’s no passion there. I feel like theres not even a spot where it once was, that it’s just gone and I can't deal with that anymore. I want to be creative and I don’t know what's wrong with me. I haven't been drawing, reading, writing, anything really unless it’s an assigned paper or reading. I want it to stop and I really just don’t know how to stop it, it brings me to tears because its something I love and I can’t even do the reading for school anymore. I actually am envious of others for being able to do it, others who care because I can’t. Maybe its just a lost emotion to me because I only care about little things anymore and serious things don’t seem to matter as much as they just stress me out. I was numb for a long time, almost six months really and it was hard but it was almost easier than realizing I had stopped caring. I don’t know when I really started noticing it beside when I was trying to read a textbook and kept reading the same three pages over and over and thats when it brought me to tears because I can’t handle that. I have shelves of unread books now that I’m tempted to sell because I just either haven’t finished them or haven’t even started them. I stopped finishing TV shows, video games, books, writing, drawings and its hard to look at all of it so I’ve started throwing it away and its almost more painful to throw something unfinished away than it is to look at it because it makes you feel like you’re at a stand still. I’ve been moving forward but I’m also running in a circle at this point, nothing is standing out to me or even about me.