#dkckn

[nox-bones]

Rude

Dæ: Well that's rude

Me: You're rude

Dæ: You're more rude

Me: You're the rudest

Dæ: You're the ruderest

Me: You're the rudery rudest rudeness ever

Dæ: Why thank you

Me: Rude

[nox-bones]

Dæ is fucking amazing. 

(under read more because kinda long(?) as well as mentions of sex & depression stuff)

Sooo tmi but we were “gettin’ busy” last night with our personal stuffs and whatnots, and all was fine and dandy - until my depression kicked in and decided to kill the mood and bring me down so low all I could do was cry a lot.

I stopped and told him I couldn’t do it right now, to no fault of his own, all the while fighting back tears that were welled up in my eyes. He immediately got us dressed and held me close. He told me he told it was okay and I just let the tears fall. He let me cry on him and ride out the emotions, all the while soothingly rubbing my back and letting me know that things were okay and that I’ll be okay. 

He’s known about my depression (and anxiety and DID) for a while now, and there have been a few times before where my mood unexpectadly dropped and he was there for me during those times too - to comfort me and make me feel safe. However, this was the first time during sexual activity that this happened to me, and I’ve been so used to just keeping quiet and letting things ride out and being upset after the fact (because in past relationships, the guys always wanted to finish before comforting me - if they comforted me at all), so at first I didn’t do anything. Something in me said I should trust him, so I did and stopped, and his immediate response and actions just made me trust him and feel safe with him.

It was the first time my depression hit that I wasn’t met with anger and pain. Dæ is just so fucking amazing to me. He’s proving to me time and time again that I can trust him and that I’m safe with him. That he will be there for me no matter what. It bewilders me in all the best ways. My brain is so used to lies, manipulations, abusive behaviours, and he is slowly re-wiring my brain to open up.

Last night was a whirlwind of an emotional roller coaster, and I am so fucking foturnate to have Dæ. Fucking seriously. We have such an open communication system set up where we can be vulnerable with each other and still be safe and feel safe. For the first time ever I can be completely exposed - in every way - to a man and be safe and trust him.

[nox-bones]

Dæ: *eating a sandwich and licks my cheek*

Me: Ewwwwwww Dæ sandwich cooties *uses napkin to wipe off*

Dæ: *is not phased and licks both of my cheeks*

Me: Thanks. -_-

Dæ: *smiles real big*

[nox-bones]

Dæ: I'm listening to Daft Punk because I'm old

Me: You gonna stay up all night to get harder, better, faster, stronger, or are you gonna try one more time to robot rock your way to a new technologic digital love around the world?

Dæ: God damn you

[nox-bones]

Whenever I first met Dæ, he knew my name as Sins - because it was my Steam name for a long time. So he continued to call me Sins for forever, even though he knew my real name. It's been over a year and he still has called me Sins. About a week or so ago, he randomly started calling me Char Char. Just out of nowhere. Said he wanted a new nickname for me that was closer to my real name, and that's what he came up with. So now he calls me Char Char. I feel like I've been upgraded.

[nox-bones]

It could be pink

Dæ, who has monochromatic vision: My Chevelle is black and white.

Me, who sees every fucking colour in existance: Are you sure about that?

Dæ: Yes, I am sure. I know black when I see it.

Me: Is that what others have told you?

Dæ: Yes.

Me: Are you sure it's black and white

Dæ: Well. Yeah. It's black...but...I dunno. The white could be pink for all I know.

Me: It could be pink.

Dæ: Is it pink?

Me: Could be.

Dæ: Damnit Sins, tell me what colour it is!

Me: Could be pink.

Dæ: Welp.

[nox-bones]

Dæ: *sneezing a lot*

Me: Oh, you must be allergic to me

Dæ: I can't be allergic to you

Dæ: MAKE AN ANTIDOTE

Me: Why not?

Dæ: I don't wanna sneeze forever. It hurts.

[nox-bones]

Dæ got me to watch Sausage Party with him last night. Why. Why did I agree to it. Then near the end of the movie he busts out laughing at the scene because he “forgot” what happened and I have never been more scarred. Ohmygod. Just no. I regret. So much. Don’t watch. The whole movies is just...no.