The paladin that represents the lollipop guild
Player makes a drinking game out of the DM apologising
The panther is there to provide emotional comfort – spent the rest of the session asleep
Our fire loving fighter gets offered five copper in scrap for a sword, and is asked for certificate of authenticity when says it’s magic. Instead waves it in the air in an attempt to activate it.
Fails a persuasion check to get it fixed for five gold.
The second character gets the sword fixed and a soft toy for 15 gold
I think half my role is making sure our fighter doesn’t go off on her own
When we get to a side quest...
Our fighter, a sword wielding woman with a manic grin, bursts through a door saying ‘Hi, I heard you want violence’
DM (in character): I don’t have a door, where did you get that!?
Fighter: I might have stole it from your neighbour
Bard: Don’t mind her, she’s just a bit excitable
Elf Ranger (me): And not left unsupervised if we can help it.
There was a restraining order given, and the fighter was sent to wait outside under the supervision of the paladin’s dog – who had a bucket of water. You know just in case
The rest of us seeing what the quest involves, when told it requires tact mention the fact that we burned down library. Not reassuring, especially given the entrance. And our bard, with the highest level of persuasion / charisma rolled a nat 1
The bag of handling for the fighter
Paladin agrees to make a donation to the church. And another player reminds the DM that they forgot gift aid
We go outside to find that the fighter had only set fire to a shrub
Our next stop is to go and see a former employer to put in a complaint about job satisfaction
I’m a six foot three tall elf ranger, and yet most of the time our most persuasive / charismatic character is the three foot tall bard who after a successful role aggressively strummed her ukulele and screamed at this guy...
A nat 1 was somehow a useful distraction.
DM: Why does he need a bucket
Fighter (the library fire starter): Hi
My character decides to chase after the fighter who’s just run off with a lit torch. In the meantime the rest of the party get trapped in a tunnel.
Fighter fails a perception check and ends up rolling down a set of stairs with a lit torch. Not what ‘stop, drop, and roll’ means. “I meant to do that”
By this point I’ve realised the others need help, and tell the fighter to wait til I get back. And the fighter goes and gets themselves electrocuted by the glowing blue box, says “I meant to do that”
That is fast becoming a catchphrase
The others are eventually freed, and we catch up to the fighter to find her in a room with dead wolves in a cage and an owl bear in another.
I the elf ranger initially fail the animal handling roll to get the owl bear to trust me, whilst the others are trying to open a door.
Whilst trying to open the door its decided that it’s impolite to ask a dwarf if they’re a flat head or a Phillips. We don’t have dwarf
Even a roll of 22 didn’t get the door to open. So of course we had ‘have you tried pulling?’
After an offer of bardic inspiration the DM let me roll animal handling again, successful and got to save the inspiration for later.
Meanwhile – “we're forcing this door opens, even if it kills us’
The best that was managed was punching a hole in the door at which point gas started coming in to the room. The fighter plugs the hole with a shield, whilst I talk the owl bear into escaping (the fighter might be a bad influence). The owl bear opens the trap door (a relief as my character had been ducking up to that point) and escapes. I boost the paladin out first, who lowers a rope to help the others. The most successful was the bard who yelled “get on my level” when she was out.
I successfully lifted myself out leaving our fighter to drop what she was holding, make a running jump at the rope and climb out. Also successful and the lit torch was left down there to burn out the gas.
All we had to do then was close the trap door and make sure the owl bear I had just set free didn't go on a rampage.
“I chime in with a haven't you people ever heard of, closing the goddamn door”
“No, it’s much better to take these things with a nice and thick winter blanket”
Yeah one of the party had to sacrifice their blanket to get the door secured
So far we are responsible for a library fire and setting an owl bear loose in a city.
We find him in a barn, and as I’ve still got ‘speak with animals’ running. I tell him something along the lines of as I helped to free him he can leave the city and go back where he came from.
The DM finished the session with the owl bear getting out of the city without seriously hurting anyone.
Which led to the disclaimer “No humans or owl bears were seriously harmed in the making of this campaign