Jun 24, 2018
everything was better when I didnt say anything. everything was better when I pretended everything was okay. everything was better when I was waiting for the stress to kill me.
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everything was better when I didnt say anything. everything was better when I pretended everything was okay. everything was better when I was waiting for the stress to kill me.
the more i think about it, the more i think the only thing i really want for christmas and my birthday is to feel appreciated and like i'm doing good by being a part of people's lives. i've felt so disconnected from everyone lately and like no one wants me around, but i haven't wanted to say anything because i feel so whiny and don't want to come off as trying to control what they do.
Don't mind me, I'll just be over here crying over raising kids and the possibility of me being infertile paired with the unbridled fear of putting enough trust into someone to coparent a child with me
i don't want to sleep because if i do i'm just going to dream about me and him together and happy, and i can't deal with it because it's a lie
maybe i deserved it
i'm TERRIFIED of living alone.
I want to feel seen. appreciated. like people enjoy me being in their lives.
I also want to stop waking up at 3am and get some sleep
zzzzzzzz
my brain just reminded me that my ex once told me that he had been told several times that if he were a dog, he'd be a golden retriever.
he'd be a tick.