#dolderer

[iamataco666]

Glorious

Dolderererererer in jorts.

[iamataco666]

fahn_patrick asks Dolderer:

SHOW ME YOUR PING PING IAAT

1) Fold or Crumple when you wipe? Do you feel this is a matter of nature or nurture?

Crumple/Pinchwipe technique. I was never taught how to crumple or fold. Perhaps I simply do not remember. My dad never made me watch him shit and then demonstrated a technique. I do remember the time I shit my pants in kindergarten on a field trip to the zoo. If I do what feels right, how can it be wrong?

2) How do you prepare yourself for the jorts ritual?

A long day prepares me for the ritual. I come home exhausted and then proceed directly to the bathtub. It has been filled with tomato paste by my chamberboy an hour prior to my arrival. He removes my clothing and then I submerge completely for 10 seconds. Afterward, I stand on the balcony for five minutes. A freshly steamed pair is waiting for me draped over the chamberboy's arm. Upon completion of the ritual, I run outside and chase elderly African-American women through the flea market.

3) Regarding the Dook ritual: What is your 1) Pre-Dook 2) Dook and 3) Post-Dook soundtrack? Explain the purpose and implications of each.

1. Phil Collins - In the air tonight. When the drums kick in it gets my bowels a'rumblin.

2. Silence with interspersed grunts. Well it usually starts with a hyperbolic scream as I unleash the dragon. That is my own enjoyment.

3. Rocky Theme. It just plays wherever I go. Not sure why.

4) Describe what you would do if you had your very own Krogan for a day.

Kill myself because I'm ugly and worthless and the inventory system sucks.

5) Give your theory on how Christian Renfrew lost the internet and what do you think his cat said to him as it righteously destroyed his life.

The story of little Christian. Such a sad one. He is nothing but a hollow shell of a man now. It all started when he broke both his ankles at a Terror show. After losing the ability to stagedive, he was a broken man. He felt hated. Impotent. Alone. He couldn't be seen in a wheelchair, it just wasn't right. So he seethed, and brooded, and plotted. Christian filled his apartment with sequoias. It was all part of his grand scheme to get back at the ones who took his legs. All went well in the first few weeks. However, soon he noticed a change. The trees, they changed. And his pet cat Reginald changed with them. Reggieluv (what he called him), had become much more skittish. He would lurk in the shadows of the towering trees. At night, Christian would hear whispers. Reginald no longer slept in the bed with him. In the coming days everything would change...

6) Favorite point-and-click adventure game and why?

Loom. It was my first one and I remember my sheer amazement with the game when I was a little kid. It was so awesome. The book was huge and looked like it was made in the year 1253. It was so cool. It was when stuff that came with computer games was large, and extremely detailed, and great. It was like liner notes in a CD, but 20x better. Also, the main character is named Bobbin Threadbare.

7) Explain what is happening in this picture: http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/poop.jpg

A television dramatization of the famous Playstation game, Half Alert: Boswer's Hadron Collider.

8) Dr. Bauber is here to help. What would you like to ask him about your ass? For Dan: Explain the daily ritual for your average ass anatomy.

Typical Lab Dissection Day: The Ass Dissection

Dissections happen in the afternoon and we usually have lectures in the morning and right after lunch. So the ass lecture is after lunch and then we have to go down to lab. The class has 150 students and we are split into four color groups for dissections. There are 24 cadavers total. So the group that dissected last (2 days prior) presents to the other three color groups. The group that dissects that day is presented to first. We then go over to the other side of the lab and our cadaver. Unzip the body bag and flip over the body since it is the first posterior dissection. Now this isn't easy since the body is so damn stiff and covered in slippery god knows what. So we flip her over. The ass is completely flattened since they have been lying on their backs for quite some time. So that is an odd sight. We take the scalpel and make some cuts around the exterior of the ass so we can slide out hands underneath. The muscles and nerves are the key structures in this dissection. So you basically take your flattened out hand, insert it beneath the assflap that is partially cut away and start moving in a jabbing motion to separate the fascia from the muscle. This is called blunt dissection. It preserves structures and gets goo all over your arm. You spend a good amount of time doing that. Then we finally remove the entire ass flap only to find that the entirety of the exposed muscles are covered in an inch of fat. You cannot present that to the other groups so you have to clean off the fat. You then take an assortment of scalpels, scissors, probes, and your hands and scrape the fat vigorously. Some of it flies places. It starts to melt and smell horrible. It has to be done. So after about an hour of that our ass is clean and we have one of the best ass dissections in the lab. We even found the pudendal nerve. DO NOT stick your finger in the ischioanal fossa.

9) Last Nanier family spotting?

I'm staring at my dick right now.

10) Given the opportunity, how would you make Kyle Phillips pay?

10/3/09 - OU loses to Miami by 50 points and Jacory Harris grows angel wings and ascends to the Great Kingdom to become Black Jesus.

Bonus question: Explain an original idea for a fundraiser with the purpose of sending Borgeau and Fahn to rehab.

I'll give both of you all my loan money and half of my future earnings if you can devise a plan where you study for me but the knowledge goes to my brain.

[iamataco666]

I finally got the mic that Mr. Dolderer sent me

It included a funny note:

[iamataco666]

A day in the life of Dr. Dolderer

A typical day starts by checking all my equipment. I have to make sure my medi-gun is functioning properly or I'll get an earful. Who needs that, right? Second, I make sure that my Blutsauger is loaded with syringes, because honestly I just don't know what's going to happen out there. Finally, I sharpen my Übersaw. Just in case, you know? haha lol So once I'm suited up, I usually have to listen to my little brother (he's a Scout) rattle on and on about his skateboard or something. He's usually hopped up on five (5) energy drinks by noon. Sometimes I try to slip him a sedative, but he moves too damn fast. Heading out the door for another day. Immediately, I had to run and heal my friend George. He was so busy firing rockets at Blue that he didn't even noticed that he had been shot several times over. He's not the smartest guy in the world, but he's got a good heart. The day was going pretty well, until my friend Russell caught an arrow through his eye. I spent probably two (2) hours getting that out of his head. Probably going to have to fit him for a glass eye. OWNED! What do you expect from a filthy Australian? By the end of the day, I was basically just handing out medicine for migraines. I'm pretty sure my little brother was hitting everyone with baseballs. He really needs to be more careful. So after a long day of healing the sick and wounded, I headed down to the beach and enjoyed a cup of tea with my life-partner Juan.

:)

[iamataco666]

Last night

I played L4D with my son. It was glorious.

[iamataco666]

IAAT profile: Dolderer

1. How old were you when you took your first dump? I would really rather not talk about this. I don't think many of you know this, but when I was young my father was quite the rapscallion. That may be the wrong word to use. His hobbies included raping and pillaging. He would take me along on "raids" with his "guild of warriors" and sometimes present me as a peace offering to the "helpless savages" as he would put it. Of course this was all a ruse so he could rape as many of their men as possible. I remember seeing his engorged member throb through his latex pantleg, saliva dripping from the side of his mouth as he readied his axe. For whatever reason, he always forced me to remove all of the villager’s shirts after dousing them with buckets of water. Sorry, I am getting off track here. I was about twelve years old when we were making nice with a group of men over some tea before the rape ritual. All the sudden I heard my father scream, "UNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH. FURRRRRRRRRGGGG. What the fuck is in this shit?!" The leader of men stood up and said, "Not this time." Soon enough my father and his men were spraying gloopy streams of greenish-brown shit all over the room. A room full of teeth-gnashing, loud grunts, heavy breathing, and piercing screams. That’s when I felt it. I fell to the fetal position and began convulsing wildly. Streams of stinky shit sprayed out of my ass onto the wall. Curiously, it formed a stencil outline of Will Smith's head. Anyway, the tribesmen proceeded to shove all their asses into my father's ass. It was after this episode that he left the guild, settled down in Seattle, and became a high society homosexual and an IT professional. 2. Have you accidentally the whole thing? My name is Yomungry Ruisinstrude. Let me show you who I am. 3. OWNED! Toes are cold, Haha My 4. What was the first game that made you ragequit and what happened to make you act like a big fucking baby? I'm not sure. It must have been Sonic The Hedgehog 2 on Sega Genesis. I had a Commodore 64 computer before that, but I was really young and don't remember ever ragequitting. Sonic 2 was the first game I had for Sega and I played the hell out of it. I'm sure I rage quit on Oil Ocean. 5. What are your thoughts on shirtless men hugging? It reminds me of my father. 6. Would you ever show your ass to your own ass? Why? 7. If you were Gordon Freeman for one day, what would you do? Let me just say once the day ended I would kill myself because there would be nothing else worth living for. I will have reached the pinnacle of existence. First I would make love to Alyx. Then a vortigaunt. Of course I would save tender Eli for last (RIP). I wouldn't go to Ravenholm because we don't go to Ravenholm. I'd shit myself inside a particle accelerator causing another Resonance Cascade and transporting me to Xen. Dr. Breen would be there kissing a shirtless G-Man. After making my way back to Earth, I'd hijack a Combine Helicopter and fly to Tulsa to use my suped up gravity gun on Kyle Phillips while he is taking a shower. 8. How extreme are you? This one time I worked a 9 to 5 corporate office job where I put papers in order for an entire summer. Oh, that's right now. I have blasted Young Jeezy while driving through a bad neighborhood. I enjoy playing Risk. In a little more than a month and one week I'll have my hands inside of a dead person's chest cavity. 9. Do you agree that the Engineer is a credit to the team? Quite possibly my favorite character. Or second favorite. I love that game. I wonder if they would make TF3? You can't really make new classes. New characters and a new graphical style? No Thanks. Maps and game modes can just be added to TF2. Hm. 10. Tell the story about the first time you kissed a man: There's an app for that.

[iamataco666]

The Nanier family

When the time comes, the parents, Borgeau and Snowy Nanier, will be survived by their three adopted children (from left to right): Schmuel Dolderer-Nanier, Christian Renfrew-Nanier, and Fahn "Meat and Potatoes" Patrick-Nanier. They love you, dad! Shane, please come home. We all miss you.

[iamataco666]

A Week In The Life Of Ese_Dan.

This past week was my last week of college. I decided to take a bunch of pictures with my cellphone. I hope you enjoy my amateur photojournalism experiment. I hope I made dad proud. Sitting outside of the Cox science building. It was a nice day. My palm trees, let me show you them. I hope you are jealous of my campus. This is the back of the physics building. If you look into one of those windows as you walk by, there is a machine with a yellow box on top that says "WARNING RADIOACTIVE!" I've always wondered what they did in there. Let me show you some more of my palm trees. I could show you so many palm trees your face would explode. College sports are better than professional sports. This is Dr. Searcy talking about something I don't care about (cognitive ethnology). He does like birds though. Last college class ever. Got pulled over by the FHP for going 120 in my suped up oscilloscope. Auditory Brainstem Recording. Zebrafish, Danio rerio, are a common and useful model organism for studies of vertebrate development and gene function. I'm doing science because I'm still alive. Here is a picture of the inside of my ass. I need a bigger desk. This is a mango tree in my grandparent's back yard. Rob_Mcfeters loves mangoes. This is a pineapple in my grandparent's front yard. Nader loves pineapples because he is Samoan. There are many funny pictures inside my grandparent's house. This is one of them. That is part of downtown Miami. It is also the very beginning of I-95. This is a barbeque place called Shorty's. It burnt down once. It has been there forever and they make really good spare ribs. You should go sometime. I was reading by the neighborhood pool yesterday around 6 pm and I looked up and saw the moon. I have always thought it was really cool when you can see the moon during daytime. Also, we never went to the moon. Downtown Miami as seen from the MacArthur Causeway. I was on my way to My favorite beach. They charge five dollars to get into this beach. It is worth it in my opinion because it is secluded and there are palm trees all over the beach. Notice how I am the only one there. You are jealous of my beach. I brought no food with me, yet the birds would not leave me alone. I am a bird. I put on for my city.