I have been thinking about summing up my experience for a while.
I finished the 50th day in a crappy hotel bathroom and the next day we were changed to a fancy, €300 a night hotel.
Stuff at work broke down so I could get some much deserved rest. The computer program literally stoped working on the night I was supposed to work, only to mysteriously start again the other day when it was my colleague’S shift.
At work, seems like I’m finally turning from the bad to the good side of some people and over all my performance is improving.
I got directed to a specific magical path that is actually awesome (this was him “teaching me”) and got acquainted with a Bad ass, powerful Spirit…that I’m not allowed to talk about.
On the 49th day it was the first time Paimon actually had some good words for me. He showed up in his feminine shape. I love the image so much I’m getting an illustrator friend to draw it.
Paimon as a curvy strawberry blonde dressed in see through white robes with a skull necklace… and skull flip flops.
She was kind and reminded me that I am strong, that I can fend of any shit in my way. She said I had been hanging around weak people and forgot how strong I was.
She said that She could give me power but that it would never get me love, or peace.
She said I needed to be strong as steel and tough as leather to be able to deal with the weight of power. And I guess that was the lesson of the 50 days. She proposed a further 50 to actually deliver said power. I thanked her but said that I’ve come to the conclusion I don’t want power at all, I was just confused about the meaning of it.
I noticed Paimon always seemed to want me to leave my ex back in the day. We considered getting back together for a while during the challenge, but it wasn’t meant to be. I do believe Paimon might have a hand in there as well.
“I will forge you in fire so that you will be strong as steel and tough as leather”.
She has no interest in human affairs, that much is clear. She told me as much “I don’t really get human feelings, I never was human”.
How some people consider Paimon as a water spirit I will never understand!
I came away from this challenge thinking (s)he is at times earth and other fire, and yes, even air… but water? Not a drop.
Which further makes me believe the classification of demons in elements makes no sense at all.
Paimon also made me think a lot about the nature of these spirits, who and what they are. I do feel stronger.. and tougher.
The pressure at work is making my colleagues break down… one of them spent their lunch time sobbing the other day…and I have been improving my performance (and income) steadily. There are still some pending issues so this might not be forever, but it happened during the 50 days.
So, all things being equal.. would I do it again?
I guess I would. I did learn some interesting things but this whole tough love approach leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
I’m not a fan of authoritarian figures, so maybe Paimon and I are not meant to be.
But she was right at the very beginning: she would be just the first of a series of teachers.