I know I'm the type of tumblr user that doesn't really do much posting...I just like and reblog a lot of stuff but I just wanted to talk about something personal that people might be able to relate to. So...I've been going through some shit for a while. My dad committed suicide when I was almost 13 (I am now turning 20 this year) and a few months ago my brother committed suicide. I've been really lost and my depression had gotten worse. I know that I will never not be depressed...before my dad died, I had a crappy social and school life. I've never had friends stick around and I've been mildly bullied. My self-esteem and confidence plummeted when I was in elementary school and ever since then, I've never been happy. It took me over 19 years and a little less than 20 years to find some sort of happiness. I have friends now and they care about me deeply. They give me something to look forward to every day now. I've always had my mom but I could never lean on her because I was afraid that I would hurt her more than she already was. Even though I only have 4 people in my life to keep me going, I am more than grateful that I was able to find my friends and be born as my mother's daughter. What I'm trying to say is...don't ever give up. No matter how hard things may be now the next minute, hour, day, month or year may be better. I've wanted to end my life so many times and now I'm happy that I never chose to go through with it because I met some genuine people who are willing to go through hell with me and march back to paradise without ever leaving my side. I know you've probably heard this kind of stuff before, but you never know until you stick out until the natural end. If it can happen to me after about 20 years, it may happen to you. Life isn't smooth sailing, sometimes the sea is calm and sometimes it's raging and murderous, but if you keep trying to stay on that boat or keep your head above the water, you'll find an island to keep you dry and safe....that was some crappy and cliche advice..I'm not that great at talking about things like this so I'm sorry if it seemed weird...not that anyone will notice this..