#dontcallthislovee

[dontcallthislovee]

So I've been thinking a lot about the Ukraine conflict with Russia and have been keeping up with articles on it. As many know, China has joined Russia, essentially, as an ally. And it's looking like North Korea will join them as well. And while I completely disagree with everything they've been doing, especially their human rights violations, I can't help but understand and even agree with a statement from someone within one of their regimes said:

"Everybody knows full well that the U.S. uses human rights to settle scores with governments not to their liking."

And...where's the lie? I wish they would have taken it further to mention the human rights violations the U.S. itself has made against its own citizens under the Trump Administration, but they probably don't seem like violations to them considering all the horrible shit they do to their citizens. And while these violations don't happen like they did under Trump, the Biden Administration is still falling short of what it promised. We're halfway through this term and what change have we really made? Look at how much damage they were able to inflict during their 4 year stint and we haven't been able to really repair ANY of it. We still feel the effects of what Trump has done to us and we probably will for many years to come at this rate. I'm terrified that after having Trump as president, then going to Biden, won't do anything but push people back to Trump. I feel like the only way to prevent that is to walk back a lot of the things he did. And don't get me wrong, Biden has done a lot of good while he's been in office. But he hasn't done everything he's promised and I feel like he could do more in other ways. This country is reeling from what Trump has done to us. From insurrection to the overturning of Roe v. Wade., we will feel this for years and years. And Biden is still quiet on so many subjects that his words and support could make a difference on. It hurts to come upon articles or hear news that he hasn't offered any support towards certain situations after everything we went through and after all of the faith we put in him. Biden was always a likeable man since he became more known under the Obama Administration, but I wish it would have been Bernie Sanders. He was the man for this job. He was the man that would have made a big, BIG difference and I'm sad that Democrats were forced to choose Biden simply because the DNC chose him. They backed the wrong horse. I just hope it doesn't cost us all the 2024 election.

[dontcallthislovee]

Seeing people you don't remember in pubic

So I live alone in Davison right next to Flint, MI, so going into public, I'm somewhat likely to see someone I may know, especially since I worked EMS for over 3 years in this county. The problem with this is: I have no idea who they are. Aside from the more common problem, getting anxious when old classmates, workmates, etc. see you years later, I also have this horrible ability for faces. Someone who was once one of my best friends growing up, I can't place their name or ANY memories involving them. I am 29. This should not be THIS difficult for me.

Getting onto what caused this post in the first place; I went to a bar nearby to get some food to go and got a beer while I waited. Right after I got to the bar, a man from across of it starter waving at me. For the life of me, I had no idea who he was. He seemed to know who I was and so did his girlfriend. I'm already bad enough at interacting with other people as a baseline, so adding in that they seem to know me, but I do not know them makes it literally impossible for me to be capable of any participation in a social interaction other than a smile and a head nod, which makes me feel so ruuuude.

[dontcallthislovee]

I discovered I left the stove on after making tea just a little bit ago. It's been on for more than a few hours, probably. I don't know how long it was because I was playing Don't Starve and time passes so easily when I play that game. I'll say I'm gonna do something real quick and three hours later oops I forgot I was planning to get off. My consumers bill is gonna be so bad this month. I've found myself leaving the heat on when I've left the sliding door open for the balcony on nicer days. And I've been gone all day on the days I did this. 😭 Even knowing how forgetful I am, I still forget to double check things. Or my brain will tell me I KNOW I did that when I most certainly did not do that. SO frustrating.

[dontcallthislovee]

Laying in bed and a bunch of sirens start getting louder and louder. Am I the only one that has this thought process when that happens?:

"Are they coming for me? What have I done? What haven't I done?" *slight panic ensues*

Knowing full well I have done absolutely nothing illegal enough to warrant sirens in the middle of the night to my home.

[dontcallthislovee]

Just opened the oven to put food in to keep it warm while I do something. Found food I previously stored there to keep it warm while I do something. Why am I like this?

[dontcallthislovee]

So I've been in a dark place mentally for the last three years, which led me to being homeless for that time. Well, I got approved for disability last Halloween and got a good, working car and my own apartment. So for the first time in over 3 years, I actually have an address that is mine and so I've been changing it on everything so no one else is getting my mail anymore. Well good job, me. Because now allllll the creditors that I owe have found me and are demanding their money NOW. I was stupid and reckless and so there's a decent amount of creditors. I just got FedExed a notice from one that if they don't get their money IN FULL, they are going to seek the assistance of a state of Michigan attorney. Like come on, people. I am JUST getting back on my feet. I am JUST beginning to get to the point where I can actually make ends meet with very little left over. Disability does not pay much and it costs money to get the things you need to live. And it costs more money to get what you need to start out considering I lost basically everything owned from living on my own before. The only furniture I have are a bed, tv, and a cat tree. Like the vacuum I have won't even work right. I have to use the tools if I want it suck anything up. I'm just getting settled into my place and all these people come knocking to collect as if I haven't been homeless. And what's worse is that half of them KNOW I was homeless and in a mental health crisis. And now I'm sitting here wondering if disability can be garnished because having shit garnished is what got me to where I was right before I became homeless. And I'm NOT trying to do that again. Like what do I do? Tell them I can afford to pay them $10 a month? Like I know that if you're paying them something, then they can't take action against you and they can't deny you if you offer to pay something. That's the best solution I've been able to think of. All of this is just adding so much stress when I finally just got out of my mom's house where it was nothing BUT stress all day everyday. I was finally starting to relax and enjoy life a little bit. Why's the world always gotta come crashing in and ruin everything?

[dontcallthislovee]

Suddenly feeling incredibly shitty about myself. 😣

[dontcallthislovee]

Haven't spoken or been spoken to in over 2 hours. There are 3 people in this room. That are all awake. And talking to each other.