I was in the Bazaar of Dreams again. The usual giant ant waiters carrying food and drinks on their backs, each one wearing a stylish waistcoat or toga which was weird but no weirder than the rest of the place. Cassandra, a large fire ant carried a bowl of grapes over to the man sitting across from me.
"Thanks Cassandra." He said with a gracious smile.
You're welcome Lord Dionysus. Cassandra rasped, pleased she had made him smile.
As our waitress scuttled away to go supervise her kin, I swirled my mochiatto (or however the hell you spell it) with its little pink umbrella. I had absolutely no idea what was in it as Dionysus had ordered it for me.
"A gift for you to try." He had said. I didn't want to disappoint him by telling him I was too cowardly to try the drink. I could feel his violet colored eyes on me and I cringed. Not because he was looking at me but because "violet eyes" reminded me of somebody I'd rather forget.
"That's what I'd like to talk to you about, dearie." It was as if he read my mind but then again since it was happening in my mind (sort of) it made sense he could do that. I pretended I hadn't heard a word he had said, still swirling my drink. It kept changing color like some sort of weird drinkable kaleidoscope. I bent forward and sniffed it.
"Relax kid. It's liquid ambrosia. Made safe for mortals. It'll taste like any thing you want it to plus a little alcoholic flavor. It's safe to drink, I promise."
Not meeting his eyes, I nodded, taking the glass in my hand and sipping. It tasted like a weird mix of Pepsi and Blueberries with a tiny buzz of alcoholic tang.
"A Percy Jackson reference?" I asked, finally looking at him.
"If you say so." He grinned at me. "And stop avoiding my question."
"I don't believe you asked me one." I replied, taking another sip. This time it tasted like orange cream soda.
"Did I stutter?"
"No but you still didn't ask me a question."
"It was implied." He leaned back, munching on some ripe grapes. He offered me a few and I accepted. He sighed. "Alright, you win. Do you want to work with me about your trauma?"
A sudden wave of fear cascaded down my whole body. Memories I didn't want to remember flooded the surface of my brain. Of course he would want to help with that and he could definitely help. God of Madness and all that.
"I prefer the term 'mental illness'".
I looked wildly around for another topic, anything to stop the cascade of emotion and sheer terror flooding me. I hadn't realized I had huge tears lingering on the corners of my eyes. Sure he was great with mental health but I'd just been through a lot and I didn't want to get so messed up with all these memories.
"Denying it happened won't help you." He reached out and put his hand on mine in a gesture of friendship and comfort.
"Then what fucking will." I couldn't look at him it hurt too much to make eye contact in that moment.
"You don't have to look at me-" and then he called me by a nickname my dad gave me as a kid. A memory from a much happier time before all the bullshit. I froze. "I know how hard it is to make eye contact when you're scared or feeling helpless. But you're not. Helpless I mean. I know you're scared."
Suddenly I bolted up from my chair and ran around the table to hug him, fighting back emotions.
"You're wanting to work with me, because you're the antithesis of what I had as a kid. I couldn't learn about you and your kin because she wouldn't let me. You embrace sanity issues and they didn't. They just wanted to push them out and never think about them again." Dionysus hugged me back and patted my hair in a brotherly and mentorly sort of gesture.
"There, there. You need to let you of your fear of emotion. That's the cult programming. What's at stake is your relationships and sanity. I'm worried about you." He realized what he'd said and that he was talking to someone with bad ROCD. "They won't leave you but you cant progress without addressing this."
"I don't like what she did to me or may have done to-"
"What she did to you." Dionysus corrected me. "You're not that little girl in her basement anymore." I forgot how to breathe when he mentioned that awful place. I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was a warm and battle worn hand.
"You don't have to fight this alone, kid." It was Ares. I knew before I even turned around. I remembered that weathered voice. I could feel Anubis and Wepwawet suddenly beside me.
"Work with good ol' Mr D." Ares joked, a twinkle in his red eyes. "He can help you. We're all rooting for you. Learn to let go of that very justifiable anger."
I looked up at Anubis who smiled. "You can do this. I can't help you in this field. And I know how much you trust Dionysus. Let him help. Work on your therapy and take your meds too. But let us help you."
In spite of myself I nodded. And then I was back home in my bed, Dionysus sitting beside me. He gave me a hug and then vanished, back to Mt Olypmus.
"Can we still party and be wierdos and shit?"
"Yes." Dionysus said.
