In light of my last dnd campaign finally ending its hiatus I’ve decided to celebrate by documenting each and every instance of Simpsonry that all but maybe one or two of my players did not get.
Good thing none of them CHECK THEYR TUMBLR HAW HAW!!! All but one… and she knows what happens to people with loose lips, don’t you, Meggie? 👁️
(A lot of this art is from last year forgive me if it’s bleh)
Ahhh Snake.. you were supposed to be a cameo and nothing more… until you weren’t. He’s a Blue Dragonborn rogue, with some Yuan-ti in him, naturally. He goes by Vaekk (which is Snake in Draconic), but I didn’t divulge this to my players at first so they just called him “Benjamin” for the first half of the campaign 💔
The secondary reoccurring characters that my players HATE are Dr Hibbird (mourning dove) and Duck-tor Nick (wood duck), both Aarakocra. I flip a coin every time they walk into a medical center and listen to the resounding groan when I say “Hi, everybody!”
There was a fun session where the party pissed off some fey in the feywilds and landed themselves in fey court with comically small Hutz and Blue Haired Faerie (it didn't go over so well)
And some Misc mentions anytime I need to do a funny voice:
Wiggum - Bronze Dragonborn
Quimby - Firbolg
Jeff is still a human fuck him lmao
Really tall man - really tall wood elf
Sea Captain - triton
Moe - troll
And Marge is actually a wondrous item! It's a bowl that, whenever water is poured in it, she'll appear and then tell you all about the surrounding land where the water was obtained. They've been using it to track thieves across the open ocean to varying degrees of success..
Aaaand here are my children in the style. I love them so much I can't wait to play with them again
Episode Summary: Mr. Burns falls ill and desperately needs a blood transfusion. Homer discovers Bart has Burns' rare blood type and urges him to donate, thinking the Simpsons will be handsomely rewarded. After receiving the blood transfusion, Burns sends them a thank-you card with no money. Marge convinces Homer not to send an insulting reply to his boss, but when Bart mails the letter anyway, Burns is livid. He later forgives Homer and sends the Simpsons a giant Olmec carving to show his gratitude.
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Mr. Burns has a sign made that'll tell the citizens of Springfield what to do in case of a nuclear meltdown. But, when Mayor Quimby announces Burns's arrival, Burns is nowhere to be seen. Concerned, Smithers says "Mr. Burns is never late. Something must be terribly wrong."
Next scene, we find Burns lying on the floor of his bedchamber.
(Dignitary = a person who has an important position in a society.)
(He really is so conscientious, he's in the middle of dying and he's more concerned with doing his duty and making a good impression. And Smithers said he's NEVER late -- he takes this sort of thing very seriously. His work ethic is off the charts -- predictably.)
Mr. Burns: Absolutely not! No quack sawbones is going to apply his leeches to me as long as there's an ounce of strength left in me...! *passes out*
Smithers ends up calling Dr. Hibbert.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Burns is suffering from what we medical men call hypohemia. In laymen's terms, it's quite simply a lack of blood.
(Hypohemia is not a known illness. I'm not sure if they were making it up on purpose or if they just accidentally got the name wrong. But it seems Burns has the real-life illness known as Hypovolemia.
("Hypovolemia is a condition that occurs when your body loses fluid, like blood or water. Fluids are essential to keep your organs functioning. Symptoms of hypovolemia include weakness, fatigue and dizziness. Treatment with IV fluids rehydrates and replenishes the fluid your body lost."
(Symptoms: Dizziness when standing. Dry skin and dry mouth. Feeling fatigued or weak. Muscle cramps. Unable to urinate or the color of your urine is darker than normal.
Severe symptoms of hypovolemia that could indicate life-threatening hypovolemic shock include: Confusion. Difficulty breathing or fast breathing. Excessive sweating. Losing consciousness. Low blood pressure. Low body temperature. Pale skin tone or a blue tone to the skin and lips.
(Causes:
Injury: An external cut, burn or wound.
Illness: A condition with symptoms of persistent vomiting and diarrhea.
Internal bleeding: An underlying condition that causes blood loss within your body.
Dehydration or malnutrition: A lack of water and salt/electrolyte intake decreases blood volume. (This is likely the cause for Burns. He is definitely malnourished.)
Excessive sweating: Participating in strenuous activities where you sweat for a long time or a condition that causes you to sweat more than normal.)
Smithers: Damn it, doctor, I'm no idiot. I know what hypohemia is! What I want to know is what can we do about it!
Dr. Hibbert: At this point, our only hope is a transfusion.
Smithers: How long does it take to sterilize a needle?
Dr. Hibbert: A few seconds.
(A moment of respectability.)
Dr. Hibbert: *laughs* I'm afraid it's not that simple. His blood type is double-o-negative. It's quite rare.
(This isn't a known blood-type in our world, but I like that he has a rare blood-type in his world. It's fitting, given how unique he is.)
Smithers: But I'm B-positive. Damn my common gutter-blood in my veins!
(This is such a wholesome moment. Burns is over here dying and he's the one telling SMITHERS not to feel bad. And he even smiles. I think he's slowed down enough and aware enough of his mortality in this moment that he's able to stop and feel appreciative of things he usually takes for granted.)
Later, Smithers is speaking over the intercom at the Power plant. He says if anyone has double-o-negative blood to report to the bloodmobile outside. Nobody wants to help, except Homer -- but Homer only wants to help because he thinks Burns will give him money as thanks for saving his life. He goes home and asks Marge what his blood type is, but it's A-positive. Marge then goes on to mention that Bart's blood-type is double-o-negative, the same as Burns. Homer ends up convincing Bart to give his blood, Smithers hugs him. The blood is collected and delivered to Burns.
Mr. Burns: I want to dictate... my epitaph.
Smithers: *sniffs* Go ahead.
Mr. Burns: Charles Montgomery Burns. American. And patriot American. Patriot...
(The close up of his hand curling into a fist is one of my favorite little sequences, it's such a powerful moment. Also, his hand is beautiful. I like how they put more detail into it, showing all his knuckles and even the tendons in his wrist.)
(So good to see him get his energy back. And immediately he remembers his POWER! I love how he's always talking about himself like he's Jesus. EVIL JESUS)
(Hehe his spotted derriere!)
(Burns feels like a new man! Or perhaps a ten year old boy. Ah, yes, I love the side-character, You!)
Mr. Burns: How about that local sports team?
(This was one of the reasons I thought Burns might forget Homer's name simply because he doesn't usually care about his employees enough TO remember haha. "They're all just a number/cog in the machine". But he's really feeling lively, here, and making an effort. Almost dying makes you appreciate things more, plus the blood of a young boy is just oh so revitalizing.)
(He's amazing!)
Oswaldo: Ay caramba!
Mr. Burns: Well, that's game! Hasta mañana, Oswaldo! Heheheh!
(Hasta mañana is Spanish for "see you tomorrow!" "Until tomorrow". Burns knows so many languages, he's incredibly impressive. Off the top of my head, I know he's fluent in at least 4 different languages. English, German, French, and Spanish. So intelligent.)
Mr. Burns: Smithers, I'm back in the pink! Full of pith and vinegar!
Smithers: Just remarkable, sir.
(In the pink = in very good health/condition.
("Why pink has been chosen to epitomise the pinnacle of quality is more likely to do with the Dianthus flower, many varieties of which are called Pinks. It is known that society in the reign of Elizabeth I admired the flowers, hence the first uses of pink with the ‘excellent’ meaning in that period."
(Full of pith and vinegar = full of energy. It's the more polite way of saying "piss and vinegar".)
Mr. Burns: You know, it's funny, Smithers. I tried every tincture and poultice and tonic and all I really needed was the blood of a young boy.
(And this kicks off his cannibalism HEHE)
Mr. Burns: What was the lad's name?
Smithers: Bart Simpson, sir.
Mr. Burns: Who?
Smithers: He's the son of Homer Simpson-- one of your stiff's in sector 7-G.
Mr. Burns ends up sending the Simpsons a nice letter.
(You can't make out which state it's in haha it's funny how everything is perfectly clear BUT the state and zip code. It almost looks like it could be "IL" for Illinois? But I know it's meant to be ambiguous. I like to pretend they live in Springfield, Massachusetts, especially since there used to be a nuclear powerplant there.)
Homer thinks the envelope is going to have money in it. But it's just a card that says:
"Dear Bart, Thank you kindly for the blood. Yours truly, Montgomery Burns"
It was very polite and charming for Burns to send Bart a thank you letter. He didn't have to, it was a nice gesture. But Homer got upset that Burns didn't send them money, so he and Bart wrote Burns a rude letter in return.
(Homer dreamt of this, that night. I love the style, but Homer must be annihilated. I drew Victor punching Homer's dream-self to death:
💬 1 🔁 3 ❤️ 19 · Even in Dreams. · Simpson, you utter FOOL.
Mr. Burns: I want the whole world to hear the story of my harrowing struggle with hypohemia!
Smithers: Mr. Roman is one of the finest ghostwriters in the business. He's written Like Hell I Can't, Up From the Muck, The Unsinkable Sadruodin Mahbaradad.
Mr. Roman: All right, first question. Have you slept with anyone famous?
Mr. Burns: Well, Countess Von Zeppelin and I -- What in blazes?! Now you listen to me, you bargain-basement Baudelaire! I'm not some dizzy starlet who can't string two words together. I can write this myself! You're fired!
(I love how he realizes right away that this is NOT the person he wants writing his story, asking THAT as his initial question!)
(Countess Von Zeppelin was a British woman who married into the Zeppelin family and was known as a translator of philosophical works from German to English. During the war, she was closely associated with Lisa von Pott of the Von Pott Group of Nazi spies in Vienna in the pay of Dr Robert Wagner, an S.S. or S.D. officer, but the exact degree of Zeppelin's involvement in the spy group, if any, is unknown.)
(Bargain Basement: an underground room in a store where things are sold at reduced prices.
(Baudelaire = Charles-Pierre Baudelaire. A French poet, essayist, translator and art critic. His poems are described as exhibiting mastery of rhythm and rhyme, containing an exoticism inherited from the Romantics, and are based on observations of real life.
(So he's basically saying "you cheap knockoff" but in a more colorful way.
(And now I imagine Burns must have read Baudelaire's work to be familiar with it, and therefore I must also read it. Given he's calling Mr. Roberts a cheap knockoff, that automatically implies he thinks Baudelaire is superior. Perhaps we could say Burns enjoys Baudelaire's work. Let me find an example of Baudelaire's poetry:
("Like angels with eyes of tawny fire, I shall return to your alcove, And silently glide toward you With the shadows of the night; And I shall give you, my dark beauty, Kisses cold as the moon, And serpent-like caresses, Crawling round a grave. When the livid morning breaks, You will find my place empty— A spot that will remain cold until evening. While others rule through tenderness, Over your life and over your youth, I—I choose to reign through terror. — Charles Baudelaire"
(Beautiful. Haunting. Of course he likes it.)
Mr. Burns: *writing his book* Chapter the 5th-- the trip to the infirmary with most unexpected results.
(Ha, in this episode the plaque on the door says "President".)
Homer sneaks in to take his rude letter back before Burns reads it, thinking Burns isn't there because Burns usually comes in at 7:30AM, and it's 7:02.
But he's there. Oooh, he's there!
Mr. Burns: Can I help you?
Homer: *screams*
Mr. Burns: Oh, don't be frightened of this! It's nothing but a letter opener! Who are you?
Homer: *thinking* Don't tell him. Give him a fake name. *speaks* Homer Simpson. *thinking* Doh!
Mr. Burns: Simpson, huh? Simpson... Why, there's a letter here from you! I'll just read it right now.
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(EPISODE ASSESSMENT TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2, WHICH IS COMING SOON. BLAST TUMBLR'S 30-IMAGE LIMIT!)
