Jun 23, 2020
“Warning: Bastard On Duty”
Here’s a shitpost of my little Dr. Thatch.
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“Warning: Bastard On Duty”
Here’s a shitpost of my little Dr. Thatch.
Dr. [REDACTED]: Thatch, what the fuck are you doing?
Dr. Thatch: *soaked in black coloured water*
Dr. Thatch: I’M LIVING LIKE LARRY!!
Dr. [REDACTED]: NO THE FUCK YOU’RE NOT, CLEAN UP THIS MESS AND STOP RUNNING INTO THE FUCKING WALLS!
A few doodles of my little scientists and Bastard the Carnivorous Cockatoo.
SCP-Kilo
“Bastard” or, “The Carnivorous Cockatoo”
Object Class:Safe, Euclid
*he should be fucking Keter
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Containment and Handling:
SCP-Kilo is to be contained in a small, metal, bird cage and kept under surveillance at all times.
SCP-Kilo is able to bite and tear through almost any type of metal. Keeping them locked in a cage will trigger them to go into a distressed state, where they will claw and tear whatever it is containing them. Similar distressed behaviour takes place when being sepparated from Dr. Thatch for long periods of time.
SCP-Kilo(while on Foundation grounds) must always wear a special muzzle for the safety of those around it as Dr. Thatch often carries them around on his shoulder throughout the halls.
A small lead must be attached to SCP-Kilo’s foot and connected to Dr. Thatch’s arm guard to prevent them from flying off or attacking nearby personnel.
Description:
SCP-Kilo is a male, white cockatoo, purchased at a local pet store by Dr. Thatch. They have sharp teeth within their beak and multiple rows inside the upper mandible and the lower mandible.
SCP-Kilo, or “Bastard”(as they have been named), is under the care of Dr. Thatch, due to this piece of shit almost biting off the fingers of everyone that comes in contact with them. Dr. Thatch seems to be the only one SCP-Kilo does not attack(lethally).
SCP-Kilo does not communicate with anything other than squawks, screeches, and profanities. Most of these communications are random and more likely outbursts, though, Dr. Thatch seems to have an understanding of what SCP-Kilo is saying most of the time.
All efforts to test on SCP-Kilo are refused by Dr. Thatch as he insists if he leaves “Bastard” alone with anyone other than him, he will “get very upset” and will destroy doors to get back to Dr. Thatch because of “separation anxiety.”
However, Dr. Thatch agreed that he could come in with SCP-Kilo for interviews so long as “Bastard” is comfortable with it.
Diet:
SCP-Kilo will eat about anything(including my favourite pair of slippers), but has a strange liking to strawberries.
Dr. Thatch has also reported that SCP-Kilo will wake him up in the middle of the night by screeching into his ear, all because he wants a strawberry.
If Dr. Thatch refuses to give him strawberries, SCP-Kilo will “throw a tantrum” and start knocking over and breaking everything in sight.
SCP-Kilo is only allowed strawberries as rewards for good behaviour. Other than that, they are to be fed meats and other fruits.
“It’s like living with a cat”. Dr. Thatch notes.
“A small, feathered, deranged cat.”
"Thatch's Stupid Experiment"
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Dr. Thatch:*holding a bottle of coke with SCP-999 on a table in front of him*
Dr.[REDACTED]:Thatch what the hell are you up to now? Wait-...Is that SCP-999?
Dr. Thatch:Good observation sunshine. Hey can you pass me the mentos?
Dr.[REDACTED]:For what exactly?
Dr. Thatch:An experiment. *Thatch chuckled*
Dr.[REDACTED]:An experiment? What, on SCP-999? In the lounge room?
Dr. Thatch:uhh yeup.
Dr.[REDACTED]:Thatch are you seriously that stupid?..you know what, don't answer that.
Dr. Thatch:Yeah yeah okay hun, pass the mentos.
Dr. [REDACTED]:What are you even going to-...For fuck sake man are you serious?
Dr. Thatch:What?
Dr. [REDACTED]:Well, knowing you, only you would come up with such a dumb idea.
Dr. Thatch:What..??
Dr. [REDACTED]:Were you seriously going to feed mentos and coke to SCP-999?
Dr. Thatch:It's for science.
Dr. [REDACTED]:It's for your own stupid entertainment you absolute idiot!
Dr. Thatch:That too.
Dr. [REDACTED]:How are you even in the level division? You're head is probably fucking hollow mate.
Dr. Thatch:C'mon I'm sure you're curious what will happen.
Dr. [REDACTED]:A huge fucking mess will happen. Do you have any common sense?
Dr. Thatch:Of course, but if I showed it, I'd be as boring as the rest of you walking drones. Now pass the mentos.
SCP-999:*begins gurgling, reaching out and putting one of their limbs on Dr. Thatch's arm*
Dr. Thatch:*recoils from SCP-999, looking startled almost distraught*
Dr. [REDACTED]:What the hell Thatch?
Dr. Thatch:...*Thatch looks at Dr. [REDACTED] without saying anything*
Dr. [REDACTED]:What's up with you? Don't tell me you're scared of SCP-999. *[REDACTED] began chuckling*
Dr. Thatch:No...stop..
Dr. [REDACTED]:What?
Dr. Thatch:*goes over to grab his experiment's ingredients*
SCP-999:*crawls over and begins to wrap around Dr. Thatch*
Dr. Thatch:No! I told you not to get- Get off now! *Thatch drops what he has in his hands to try and pry SCP-999 off of him*
Dr. [REDACTED]:Thatch calm down mate they aren't going to hurt ya. They're safe class ya dummy.
Dr. Thatch:OFF! NOW!
SCP-999:*retreats away from Dr. Thatch in an upset manner*
Dr. [REDACTED]:Aw well that wasn't very nice you prick.
Dr. Thatch:VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE!
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(Dr. Thatch stormed out of the lounging area. Security cameras later caught him locking himself in one of the janitor's closets, he stayed in the room for nearly 2 hours before exiting and meeting up with Dr. Byrne, where they conversated.)
Dr. [REDACTED]:Why are you such a dick?
Dr. Thatch:Well, you are what you eat.
Dr. [REDACTED]:....
Dr. [REDACTED]:Get out of my office.
Dr. [REDACTED]:Now.
*somewhere in the cafeteria*
Dr. Thatch:hey can someone pass me some Germ-X?
Dr. [REDACTED]:here. *slides a bottle of Germ-X over to Dr. Thatch*
Dr. Thatch:Thanks.
Dr. Thatch:*proceeds to drink the contents of the bottle*
Dr. [REDACTED]:THATCH I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD.
Future original SCP characters I hope to introduce fully
(Note:I label my SCPs by the Phonetic Alphabet)
SCP-November
Appears to be a young girl with a chronic fear of the dark and active imagination.
Must be kept in a lit room at all times, else shadow like entities will manifest if SCP-November becomes paranoid or lets their mind run.
These shadow like entities will attack all in sight including SCP-November.
SCP-November is to be given therapy on their Nyctophobia in hopes of reducing their threat.
SCP-Zulu
Appears to be a humanoid wooden figure widely used by artists for modeling.
SCP-Zulu is incapable of speech, only communicating in hand motions or body movements.
They have shown to be cabaple and much enjoy drawing, when stealing a pen from a doctor during one interview session. They then managed to snatch a piece of notepaper and begin drawing some scenes, mostly trees and landscapes.
Dr. Thatch(not an SCP)
Super gay.
Likes to pull pranks and flirt with staff. Even managed flirting with one or two members of the 05.
He wears an eyepatch on his left eye.
Absolute bastard
Just a bastard strawberry