Party Monster - Adventures in the Library Sciences
AO3 Link Phase 2 - Chapter 27 - Episode 21
Jim’s POV
The guys and I headed back to Trollmarket, feeling better now that we found River and were able to go through some insane scenarios planning for Angor Rot.
“So, are we kicking your uncle out or?” Toby trailed off, pissed his adopted sister had been so upset over something Garridan may have said.
I sighed pulling out the Horngazel as we entered the canal, “Sorry Tobes, River asked him to come down here. She’s not making him leave after bad news and a panic attack. He’s still our best shot in fighting Angor Rot.”
“Not to mention he has experience dealing with the Janus Order, the changelings working with Strickler.” Draal pointed out, checking the phone Eemeli had gotten him, keeping an eye out in case River needed an escape from girls’ night.
Toby pouted slightly, crossing his arms over his chest as I opened the portal to Trollmarket. “Fine, do I get to meet the guy then? Might have a few choice words for this Garridan guy.”
I rolled my eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips, “You’ll have all night to get to know ‘Uncle Gary,’” I snickered, thinking back to how dad and mom used to call him. We headed down to Rot-Guts to see if they might have something that could help us get the ring.
Draal knocked on the doors with his prosthetic, huffing as the two trolls began to argue about who spoke with the customers again. “This is going to take longer than a night.”
“Excuse me. Mr. Rot and Gut?” I called out to the trolls, trying to get one of their attention. “Do you guys have a ring remover spell of anything?”
Rot’s window opened as he peered down at us. “You want a ring,” he paused thinking over my question, “remover? Hmm, let’s see.” His eye left the window as he began searching through items behind the large cavern door. “Ring, ring… Oh, here it is!” He cheered as his eye returned to the window.
“That’s Ringworm remover, ya glork,” Gut’s window snapped open, glaring up at Rot’s window.
“What about a magical super magnet?” Toby asked.
“Oh!” Gut disappeared, “Definitely got one of those!”
“What’s the catch?” Draal muttered, shaking his head at Rot and Gut’s antics.
“Doesn’t work great,” Gut piped up again, “Just grabs snails.
“And there it is,” Draal rolled his eyes.
“I’m afraid our colleagues here won’t be of much use if you do not know what you’re looking for.” Blinky’s voice cut in.
Turning we saw Blinky and Garridan’s human form walking up to us.
“We’ve got a Footswapper,” Rot piped up, “You can take his feet.” He chuckled at his own antics.
“Magical solutions are a delicate matter. You must be precise.” Blinky shook his head, knowing we wouldn’t get closer to getting the ring from Strickler this way.
“I suggest we search for a way to remove the Inferna Copula in another location,” Garridan suggested, eyeing Toby.
“Yes, we need to find the exact tool for the job at hand.” Blinky agreed, trying to keep us from getting something that could only end in disaster.
Gut’s yelp cut us off as we watched him and Rot try to find balance, Rot laughing as he joked about stealing Gut’s feet.
“So, where exactly do we find the right tool?” Toby asked, happy to still have his own feet.
Blinky grinned, pushing the teens ahead, Draal walking with Garridan. “I know just the place! Are you ready young wards, to embark on the greatest adventure?” Blinky asked as he guided us directly into his library.
“Oh, yeah!” Toby grinned, looking around for a clue as to where we were actually headed. “Where? Where?”
“The adventure of reading!” Blinky grinned, gesturing to the mountains of books that covered the floors of his library. “Hours upon hours of research awaits you!”
“I’d say run, but we actually need to find something,” Eemeli called from a corner of the library, surrounded by open books.
“Well, we sure walked into that one,” Toby sighed, looking over the stacks of books as he tried to figure out where to start. Blinky and Toby began to discuss his brother, Dictatious Maximum Galadrigal.
I wandered over to where Garridan was searching through some ancient-looking scrolls. “Any idea where we should actually start?” I asked, trying to break the glacier amount of ice that surround River and me when it came to our fathers.
Garridan seemed surprised when he looked up, tilting his head slightly in thought, reminding me of River when she was choosing color pallets for her artwork. “Honestly I could tell you where not to look before having an idea of where to look.” He sighed, rolling up one of the scrolls, “I didn’t realize you were able to read Trollish, however.”
“Oh, I can’t” I sighed, taking a seat and grabbing a random book to start on. “This little thing helps though,” I pulled out the amulet, a sky-blue light filtered over the pages as the Trollish script turned to English.
Garridan examined the change in script closely before poking at the amulet in my hand. “I didn’t know it could do that,” He paused, glancing at Toby as he flipped through a book. “What of your friend there?”
“Tobes can’t read Trollish, probably looking at the sketches to see if something jumps out, not literally I hope.” I sighed, skimming through the book I held.
Garridan was still looking over the amulet, seemingly lost in thought for the moment. “Your friend Claire, the one on your phone, said River is staying with her. Is she,” trailing off, uncertain if he should ask about her so soon after she stormed off.
I looked up to him, setting the book down. “She’s okay, better after having some time to calm down. Today was a lot for her.” I shrugged slightly.
He nodded, sighing as he sat back, peering over the scrolls. “I see, I’m glad she had you and her friends here.”
“Well, we’re not going anywhere,” I winced, realizing how loaded that comment was.
Garridan let out a heavier sigh, “You’re both angry, rightfully so.”
I looked up at him again, “Well, you both did kind of leave out of nowhere.” Glaring as I thought about it, tearing my eyes back to the books in front of me. “You dropped River off with our family when I was 3, two years later dad up and leaves in the middle of the night. How did you think we would react? Especially since neither of us should know what’s really going in this nightmare-fueled magic world?”
Garridan waited for me to finish my rant, collecting his thoughts. “Jim, I want you to know your father and I didn’t want to leave. In fact, we had been planning on keeping our families close while we raised you and River.” He sighed pulling out an old picture, three adults standing in front of my house, a 5-year-old River hugging Garridan’s leg while I was holding mom and dad’s hands, swinging between them.
“What happened?” I asked softly, carefully taking the picture from Garridan’s grasp.
“Bular happened,” Garridan explained, leaning back, almost as if he was putting himself in the memory. “Your father and I had no idea Trollmarket was located in Arcadia. James left the guard in search of the location where River and I would fall from our previous time in Camelot. In that time, he met your mother and the two of them settled down and had you.” He smiled softly before continuing. “When the time came, you were about two years old when River and I fell into Arcadia Oaks. James was able to bring us to Sylvina who sealed River’s magic so she would appear human. We lived peacefully in the suburbs of Arcadia for about a year. In which time, Bular and the other Changelings had found the location of Trollmarket and began their hunt.”
I looked up seeing a deep frown etched in his face as he thought back to the year he left.
“James and I knew that one would lead to the other, so we had to protect you both the only way we knew how,” He sighed softly, “we had to lead the changelings astray, keep them from connecting us to you and River.”
“Why didn’t you leave together?” I found the words falling from my mouth before I could process whether or not I wanted the answer.
“I was the distraction.” He spoke simply, pointing to my father’s face in the photo. “My presence sent a shockwave through the changeling community, having thought to have been dead after the battle of Killahead. Using that to our advantage, I led them on a ‘wild goose chase,’ so to speak, while your father ensured you and River were kept safe.”
“Why not take us with you? Isn’t Camelot hidden?” I asked quickly, they may have left to protect us but wouldn’t being with them make more sense?
“We didn’t know who we could trust,” Uncle Garridan sighed softly. “I’ve been gone for 900 years; I didn’t know who was loyal to Gunmar and who was loyal to Ganieda. If I had trusted the wrong person, well,” his teeth clenched tight at the thought. “You would have been eaten or trained as a changeling spy, and River would most likely be dead.”
I winced, realizing they really didn’t have any other option. Uncle Garridan and dad had tried to keep River and me as safe as possible. While I was still mad, it was more for mom’s sake than my own. “Think mom will ever know why he left?”
“Think you’ll ever tell her about being the Trollhunter?” He countered; both knowing neither would happen if we could help it. Mom deserved a normal life, not this chaotic mess.
We went back to studying the books and scrolls, trying to find any more information on Angor Rot, along with getting that damn ring from Strickler. As time passed, I realized Draal and Eemeli had wandered off, probably escaping the adventure of reading in favor of training or sleeping, Draal having to do that more often now that he was squishy.
“Book 26,” I groaned, slamming the offensive tome shut, “nothing! This last one was just a list of toe fungus. Fungi. Fungi!” I yelled exasperated that our search was getting nowhere quickly. “Whatever! I don’t care!”
Toby’s groan could be heard from a pile of books close to Garridan and me. “I’m still on book three.” He sighed out, rotating the book as he examined another sketch. “Can’t exactly read Trollish, so just been kinda looking at the pictures.”
“This is taking forever. Any luck, Blink?” I asked, scrubbing my face as exhaustion was winning over at the moment.
Blinky was leaning back in his chair, snoring softly as we all turned our gaze on the temporary human. He snapped back to focus as we called his name. “Excuse me.” He yawned, setting the book he had been trying to read down. “My zeal for the library science seems to be waning. Since I only have two eyes, reading makes them very tired, very fast.”
“Dude, you awake?” Toby asked as we realized Blinky didn’t look so great, exhausted being the best way to describe him at the moment. “You look terrible.”
Garridan nodded, closing his scrolls, “Still adjusting to living on a human schedule?”
“I can’t conceive why.” Blinky grouched, “I’ve met every one of my daily human needs, three meals a day, eight glasses of water, eight minutes of sleep,” he yawned out, dozing off again.
Uncle Garridan facepalmed, shaking his head slightly as Blinky listed off his major lack of sleep. “Hasn’t he been around humans long enough to know that’s incorrect?” “Oh, Blinky,” I groaned, uncertain how he could mess up that bad. “It’s eight hours of sleep!”
Blinky was out cold. Snoring as he hugged the book into his chest. Well, so much for the expert’s help tonight.
“And,” Toby sighed, looking to Garridan and me, “then there were… three?” He asked, realizing Draal and Eemeli had skipped out. “Your uncle’s right, how did Blinky think we only slept eight minutes? I mean, maybe River, but she lives on coffee, and ya know,” he shrugged, “she’s not exactly human.”
“You take a troll that barely needs to sleep, and suddenly you throw all these new needs and restrictions on him, he’s bound to get a couple of things wrong. How has he been functioning all this time?” Uncle Garridan asked, poking Blinky’s face.
“At this point, you guess is as good as ours,” I sighed turning back to the piles of books we barely made a dent in.
“I don’t know how many more books I can read before my brain melts.” Toby groaned, glaring at the pile as he grabbed a random book. “I think this book’s about reading books!” He yelped, looking over the sketches in shock.
I looked at the page he opened to, “Wait a sec.” I grinned, leaning over his shoulder as I looked over the sketch. “I think you found something.” I set the amulet on the book, watching as the Trollish script transformed to English. “A draught of Elix-lore allows thee to consume knowledge at a voracious pace.” I read the excerpt in the book.
“Won’t take Strickler’s ring off, but it could help speed things up.” Toby nodded, grinning at the thought of getting through the library faster. “I wonder if Rot-Gut has any.”
“Are you sure this is the best tool?” Uncle Garridan asked, peering over us to examine the book entry. “Keep in mind that this is a magical solution.”
“Seems all it does is allow us to get through reading faster, couldn’t hurt to try,” I sighed, nodded to Tobes. “Let’s see if they have any.”
Toby grinned, making sure to grab an extra stinky sock as we headed back to Rot-Guts. We quickly traded the foul garment for a bottle of Elix-lore. The shop trolls not even bothering to haggle with us this time around.
Holding up the potion with a grin, I showed it to Uncle Garridan. “See? Know what to look for and you can find the exact tool for the job!” Quoting Blinky from earlier, excited to get through all this reading finally.
“Oh! Give me some of that yum-yum juice,” Toby grinned, our willing guinea pig for the potion, not wanting to spend a second longer than necessary piled under these books. He grabbed the bottle, downing the contents quickly.
“Tobias, wait!” Garridan grabbed the bottle from him before he could down the entire bottle. A stern glare etched over his face as he stared Toby down.
“Kinda minty,” Toby noted, unfazed by Garridan. “With notes of,” he let out a burp. “Mold.”
Garridan shoved the bottle in my face, a note tied around the neck of the bottle, “Read that.” He snarled out, irritated at Tobes.
I read over the note, realizing quickly it was the instruction I let out a groan. “Toby! It says you’re only supposed to drink a drop of it. You drank half the bottle!” I yelped as Toby groaned, the potion not agreeing with him it seems.
“That is why we read the instruction before we use magic items,” Uncle Garridan scolded us.
“Jim. My insides are gurgling really weird.” Toby sat back against a pile of books.
“Do you feel,” I sighed worried how this was going to turn out, “hungry for knowledge?”
“Actually, “Toby pushed me back, “I feel like I’m gonna-” he began to heave, trying not to puke.
All of a sudden the book we had left open began to glow, the Trollish script floating off of the page and heading for Toby. I pulled Toby’s mouth open as the script began to bounce off of his lips. The entire book flowed directly into Toby’s mouth.
“Jim, am I wrong? Or did words just fly into my mouth? He asked, mouth still glowing from the magic.
“How do you feel?” I asked quickly, making sure he was okay.
“I feel as good as Grimbald the Grave must have felt at the Quibble of Quandry after besting a vicious Sloorbeast!” He burped, looking up at me confused. “Wait. What did I just say?”
“Seems the Elix-lore is working,” Garridan hummed, swatting away the script that had escaped from Toby’s burp. “Be careful though, he drank way too much of that potion.”
I nodded, picking up another book for Toby to try. “We’ll keep the pace slow, hopefully, that helps.” The words flew out of the book as soon as Toby opened his mouth, faster than the first book.
“Maddrux the Many triumphed in the battle of Doomscavern, defeating his greatest enemy. Himself.” Tobes summarized the book he had just eaten. “Hit me again!”
We continued like this for a while. The more books Toby ate, the faster he wanted to go. Uncle Garridan kept slowing us, trying to keep a disaster from unfolding.
He finally convinced us to take a small break and I went to check on Blinky sleeping, surrounded by the books we had already gone through. “Come on, Blinky. Wake up!” I tried shaking him, to no avail the troll was still out cold.
Gun Robot began to play from my phone. Grabbing it quickly I realized it was Claire. Hopefully, she and River could come back and help us stop Toby from destroying the library. All the books began to glow, words flying everywhere as the potion's effects grew stronger.
“Claire!” I yelped, finally answering. “I’m so glad you called. You and River gotta come to Trollmarket!” Cutting off as loud music blared through my speaker.
“No time, Jim.” She called out, trying to yell over the music on her side of the line. “You need to come here. NotEnrique’s out of control!”
“Out of control?” I winced, still shaking Blinky as I ducked under more flying words. “Sic River on him, he listens to her. Toby is gorging on magic troll words,” I tried to explain, keep Blink up as he began to fall over the books, “and turning into some kind of knowledge god!”
“More!” Toby yelled out, devouring the words as quickly as they flew from the books. “More knowledge!”
Garridan began swatting the words away, trying to slow Toby down as much as possible. Getting pelted from all directions as a mini-twister began to form.
“Jim! NotEnrique, my house!” Claire cried out, “I lost sight of River a while ago and I’ve tried everything!”
I sighed, knowing I couldn’t leave here while Blinky was unconscious and Toby was still gorging on magic words. “Claire, look, I know you can figure it out. I’m sorry but,” I yelped as the twister threw Garridan into one of the bookshelves. “I gotta go!”
I hung up, rushing to Toby quickly. “Okay, Tobes. We were supposed to be taking a break. You gotta be full by now, right?” I asked, hoping to slow him down even just slightly.
“No, James,” a distorted voice tore from Toby’s throat. “I am becoming a living archive. A codex of all troll history and arcana!” He grinned, waving his hands through the words as they continued to close in on us. “I am like Voltar the Voracious, who was born with two minds!” He snickered, “For all good that did him. Stepped on by a Thrall.” He cackled, the demised of the troll hilarious compared to the knowledge he had consumed so far.
He grabbed me by my shoulders, grinning like Blinky had when he drove the gyre. “Don’t you see, James? I already have the solution to our problem! To do something impossible, you must change what is possible.” The explanation is more cryptic than helpful so far. “The oldest known troll was 5,352 years old named Chokeenamaga.”
“Okay,” I tried getting him back on topic. “So, Tobes, how do we get the ring off Strickler?”
“The Kairosect will grant us all we need to get the Inferna Copula,” he grinned, slipping back into the potion fog. “Queethokpharlock.”
I grabbed his face, trying to keep his attention. “Hey, hey, focus. How do we get the Kairo thing?”
“You must return to Gatto’s Keep.” He announced, a far-off look returning to his eyes.
“Gatto?” I groaned, “Oh, great! Aren’t you already on hir crap list?” I asked, wincing at my choice of words.
“Bula-nok-chura-azu-zoth. Bula! Bula!” Toby began chanting, causing the mini word tornado to target him.
“Oh no,” I watched as even more script was torn from the ancient books surrounding us, heading for Toby’s mouth. Seeing them charge upwards before diving right for Toby, I jumped between the magic words and him, trying to stop the madness before Toby became some weird knowledge god.
“All right, Tobes. We got what we’re looking for, so let’s chill, okay?” I tried to reason with him. “We’ll get some fresh air. Splash of water.”
“There are more important endeavors!” The distorted voice fully takes over Toby’s speech, “I must know all!”
Toby began to chant again, “The great Warg age enters the seventh blood moon. The Draknagoth will arise! Moonlight will rise to defeat the eclipse!” A loud gurgle cut him off, Toby trying to hold everything in.
Burping, a magic word flew from his mouth. Toby grabbed it, popping it back into his mouth as he tried to continue on his knowledge tirade. “Nope. The parallels of the universe! All its answers have become so clear! The secret of life is,” another burp cutting him off, Toby holding a hand over his mouth to keep the words from slipping out. “Nope, nope, nope.” Shaking his head slightly as he tried to continue, “the secret of life is,” he heaved, magic words shooting out of his mouth as he fell back.
He sat up, dizzy from the magic and throwing up. “The meaning is… nope.” Turning to throw up more of the glowing script.
I winced as this continued for a few minutes, Toby still trying to explain the meaning of life between throwing up. Not getting anywhere in his monologue. He shot back past the pile of books Blinky was sleeping under, waking the squishy troll from his nap.
Blinky sniffed, head popping out from the pile as his nose wrinkled. “Ah! Elix-lore,” he glowered, pulling himself from the bile.
Garridan groaned, rising from the bookshelf he had been thrown into, Troll form out and towering over us. “I hate that damned potion.”
Ignoring the grouchy adults, I ran over to Tobes, still laying back as the last few words slipped from his mouth. “Tobes? You okay?”
Blinky joined us, examining Toby. “What is two plus two?”
Still out of it, Toby began counting on fingers before breaking down in giggles. “Awesome sauce!”
Sighing in relief at having the normal Toby back, I helped him up to his feet. “Glad you’re back to normal.”
“About the only thing that is,” Garridan grunted, examining the damage we had done to the library.
“Yes,” Blinky sighed, surveying the disaster himself. “My library on the other hand…”
“Sorry,” Tobes piped up, waving the last of the words away from him. “I’ll clean it up.”
“No, no,” Blinky shook his head, smirking at Garridan. “It’s all recoverable. Rot-Gut’s probably has a little something to put it right.”
“No!” Toby and I cried out in unison, never wanting to use another stupid magic troll item again.
As we were cleaning, Eemeli’s troll form had returned carrying a fully shifted River on his back, Draal walking calmly next to them as River broke down giggling at the sight of the library. Looks like we still had quite the night ahead of us. At least River was cheerful.