I’m a Dean girl
sometimes it gets lost in the Dean/Cas drama, in how much I love Misha and Cas, but it’s always been Dean
Dean Winchester had the most gut-wenching story because for 15 years we watched Jensen Ackles grow into the most meticulous actor and advocate for Dean. He created a piece of art in Dean; the utter commitment to his humour, his anger, his tenderness, his trauma, it’s all there for you to see.
and now this
Scared, in pain, getting the death that he saw as a punishment, that he thought he deserved because he was of so little value to the world. After everything Dean did for the world and the people he loved and himself what did he get?
Nothing.
Cas’ confession wasn't just for him, it was for Dean, it was the moment that Dean Winchester realised that he deserved to be saved. He’s not a killer. People love him and he can love them back, but he didn’t get to say it!!! He didn’t get the happiness of having or saying!!!
His whole world was transformed by Cas’ words and for what??? So he could straighten his shoulders and carry the burden of the unspoken for the rest of his life??? Can you imagine the utter joy that we could've have had in Dean getting to say something back!!! The one thing he never said in his prayers to Cas!!
he wanted to tell Cas, he was done with hiding and following orders and being someone he’s not, he was finally ready to be happy
and instead his life gets stolen by a stupid mistake. His little brother watches him die from the same injury that took him all those years ago, but now they’re alone in the universe. The universe that DEAN WINCHESTER SAVED turns its back on him in his final moments.
Even his heaven is compromised. The unsaid thing is still there. Are you telling me this what he deserved? What queer people deserve??? After laying down his entire life for love, Dean never gets to be open and enjoy that love, he carries it around like a scar that aches on cold days. because Dean is queer, just because you stop him from saying it doesn’t make it not true!! And he’s supposed to be fine with that because nothing changed for him. Ever the soldier, ever the protector, ever the heartless weapon.
we poured ourselves into this show and Jensen took on that responsibility, playing Dean with so much care and attention, and this is what we all got in return. The message that you compromise. That some things are best left unsaid. That some people just don’t get to be happy.
my fifteen-year-old self is grieving today and I will let her. For ten years we told the writers what they needed to do: either let us go or treat us right and they did neither. I hate this. I feel so tricked. Forever, the last thing Supernatural decided to tell us and Dean, after we saved the show for so many years, was that we are and have always been a joke to them.
so, yeah, I should have known better, but like Dean, I just hoped that they would have allowed us a moment of affection after all this time. The writers knew the importance, they knew that they could cement their place in TV history forever, but instead they played us for hype and views at the very real expense of people’s wellbeing. I cannot imagine what happened in the studio for this to be the ending that they were happy with. It hurts and comforts that Jensen hated this as well. I wish he was given the respect he deserves, I wish he was able to say goodbye to Dean in a way that he felt good about, I wish it didn’t have to happen like this.
