I feel I owe everyone who is currently waiting for an update on Bittersweet Athenaeum an explanation of sorts...
Life pretty much sucks 24/7.
Back in February I realised I was not coping with...well...anything. I was having a hard time adulting. so I went back to my GP who referred me to a psychiatrist who told me that my initial diagnosis of bipolar was incorrect and what I was actually suffering from was borderline personality disorder. Very similar but not the same. Highs and lows but with other traits too. I was starting to lose my grip on a lot of things and consequently I lost dear friendships, and had some major life changes as well as making some pretty extreme life decisions. I bought a car on finance and then just four months later, when I thought things were starting to get better, I was involved in a pretty psychologically traumatic car accident.
Just prior to this my ex came back into my life and I'm still on the fence as to whether this is a good or a bad thing- now I understand more about BPD I know hes my favourite person who I idealise and devalue when I am splitting. All things I have always done and never understood why, never mind had a label to put on or work towards building coping mechanisms for. We are currently not together but hes a major part of my life.
The summer has been difficult: add to all this the long drawn out process of dealing with the fallout of the accident (ranging from dealing with the police and the insurance to dealing with daily panic attacks and nightmares), leaving my job and going for one nearer home, losing the team I coach because of football politics (I gave up and let the male manager force me out) and practical problems like my laptop going to laptop heaven....I just have not been able to focus on anything.
My family have been amazingly supportive (apart from asking when I am going to start on the sequel to The Brotherhood!) and my amazing admin team at Dramione FanFiction Forum and The Slytherin Cabal have kept me from going completely around the twist, even when I thought sectioning might be my only hope for any kind of stability and have kept everything going despite the fact that I have been a pretty shit leader.
The last time I had a breakdown like this I almost stopped writing under this penname and created another which also has two WIPs. So I essentially have three stories on hiatus and a sequel to write. Nano is round the corner and I am trying so hard not to back out because I know everyone is needing the next update. At my disability assessment the nurse commented that I “seem to be hanging on for dear life” and well, if only she knew how true that was. But I promise nothing I am writing is abandoned, I just need time to get back into some sort of rhythm. Hence my newest Flintwood One Shot, Football Practice. I plan on writing the odd drabble and one shot to get back into the feel of my writing because I feel that anything else would be half baked and BA is just too important to me to do that to. I hope you all understand and bare with me.
