MY THEORY ABOUT PRINCE HUMPERDINCK, WESTLEY, AND THE DREAD PIRATE CUMMERBUND. Okay. Bear with me. This is gonna go down like a really weird hole and some of it may be a stretch, but I just started thinking about it in the shower. And I wanted to tell you guys about it. Um, I have a theory that in the “Princess Bride” Humperdinck is actually gay and this has been all over “Archive Of Our Own” and, you know, he flirts with, um, Tyrone (6 fingered man, i.e. Count Rugen) and it would just explain so much about his character, just why he hates Westley, why he seems so disinterested in Buttercup. And, um, so I started thinking more and more about it, and I love how pieces in his story kind of connect together. So I thought about when Humperdinck is torturing Westley and he says, um, “You truly love one another. So you might've been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say” And it got me thinking, why would he say that? Why, why would someone who you would think would be incapable of love, kind of have that pessimism and kind of have that, um, just dark outlook on life. And I, my theory is that, um, Humperdinck knew he was gay from a very young age and, um, it's not like it was, you know, unknown in the kingdom and it wasn't, um, kind of ostracized or anything. It was just kind of accepted. So when he was growing up, my theory is that he, um, as teen or as a, as a young adult, like a new adult had, um, someone he fell in love with, and this somehow created this great sense of betrayal where this true love feeling that they emphasize all throughout the movie was just ripped from him. So how would that happen? Why, why would true love be ripped from him? And I had a couple of theories about that. Um, and, but I'll get to that. So Humperdinck has someone he is really, really madly in love with, and he is all set to be happy. Um, his parents know that he's gay, um, and he's gonna tell them like, he's going to have to abdicate his position so he can be with this person that he really loves. And then his person decides to go, has to go somewhere, to Florin, has to cross the sea somewhere on a ship. And his ship is attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts. News of this somehow reaches Humperdinck and he knows that the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners. So he always assumes that his true love is, is dead. And it just, he feels so, so crushed. And so bitter that he had this love that kind of was ripped away from him, similar to how Buttercup reacts when she believes that Westley is dead. And it just sends Humperdinck into a, uh, just a spiral, a spiral of depression, and then his, his person that he loves, um, isn't actually killed of course, by the Dread Pirate Roberts.
Since I had a couple of theories, either this person became part of the crew on the new ship, or this person is the Dread Pirate Cummerbund because when Westley is explaining to Buttercup how he became the Dread Pirate Roberts, he says, um, “I'm not really Roberts. My name is Ryan. I inherited the ship from another Dread Pirate Roberts. His name was Cummerbund and he inherited it beforehand and so on and so forth.” So either Humperdinck’s true love because c'mon, “Humperdinck...Cummerbund” is just too fucking perfect. He, um, either became the Dread Pirate Roberts and, um, uh, Humperdinck never heard from him again, or Humperdinck somehow, you know, got wind that Cummerbund still alive and then just decided to become a pirate instead, and just Humperdinck kind of exposed a part of himself that was so new to him. And so, so vulnerable. And he thought it was, you know, true love because you're young. And when he either found out it wasn't reciprocated or when Cummerbund kind of betrayed him or just kind of went off and did his own thing, that's when, um, one of two things happened.
First thing is Humperdinck tried to go it on his own for awhile, but his, all these emotions that were inside him just became so mixed up and he kind of fed on the rage and the torture that you kind of see in him now as an adult. And so he kind of resigned himself to the fact that he was never going to find anyone else and that he was going to have to fulfill his duties as a Prince and so he kind of just resigned himself over to that part. And so he's like, well, fuck it. You know, true love doesn't exist. Um, but I think he had a moment of weakness. And so he went to Miracle Max and he said to Miracle Max, you know, either I need to, to, to kill this feeling inside of me, I need that. Or he said, I want to be able to feel the way I felt again, I need you to create the magic pill that I can give to someone else. Um, either someone he was really in love with who was kind of ambivalent towards him and just say, I need you to make this person fall in love with me basically. And Miracle Max being a man of principle refused because he says, you know, it's not, I can't make someone feel this way. Humperdinck was so enraged that he fired Miracle Max. You never find out why he fired him in the movie. That's why he was fired. And Humperdinck kind of spun a tale and of course, made it be about something else, but he made it sound like in such a way that Miracle Max was ostracized in the entire kingdom and Humperdinck’s such a man of great persona and charisma. He was able to convince the whole kingdom that Miracle Max had done something, you know, erroneous and awful and he had done something incredibly terrible. So he was kind of banished from the community. And that's why Miracle Max is so bitter. Um, and, and so he kind of went on about his princely duties and when he met Buttercup, he was just like, Oh great. You know, this is someone that I can use and manipulate who seems very sweet. And he finds out that not only is she in love and true love with Westley, but that Westley is, is the Dread Pirate Roberts. And this reminds him so much of just the ultimate betrayal that he felt with Cummerbund, that when he meets Westley and tortures him.
Oh, by the way. So one of his hobbies after he fires Miracle Max is, um, I pretty sure they have an illicit relationship, but Count Rugen is very much into Humperdinck and Humperdinck is not, but he likes the idea of having power or someone and Rugen seems, you know, sweet enough. And so Rugen is the one that introduces Humperdinck to this whole idea of like BDSM, all that stuff you see on “Archive Of Our Own” torture, just pain and Humperdinck knows what it was like to feel pain from the way Cummerbund made him feel. And he never wants to feel that way again. So he allows Rugen to kind of experiment and kind of push his boundaries to see, um, how to inflict pain on someone else. And it fills him with the sense of just power and control that he will not relinquish. So that's why you kind of see of Rugen and Humperdinck going down into this secret dungeon basically because Humperdinck still kind of lives a closeted existence. I mean, I would have mentioned his parents know that he's gay and they're very accepting, but it's just like, you know, they see Humperdinck is kind of like, you know, their son who is very whimsical, very fancy and they kind of just let him get away with stuff, which is why they're so passive when it comes to Buttercup, they're wholly innocent. So, so now Humperdinck is into torture. And so when he kind of gets Westley at the bottom, he's like, here's this guy who not only is going to fuck up my plans that I made to start a war. He has something that I can never have.
And the third prong in this theory, my dear children is that he (Westley) represents the barb or the sting that has been in Humperdinck’s side his entire life. Here's the Dread Pirate Roberts here is basically Cummerbund reincarnated. It only works if the time between Dread Pirate Roberts’ is maybe like five to 10 years. Um, cause I don't know how old, um, Cary Elwes is in that movie, but I know Westley's supposed to be very young, like 23 or something. And then Humperdinck kind of looks like he's in his late thirties, early forties. So the timeline only kind of works if there is about five years or so between each Dread Pirate Roberts so by the time Humperdinck is a teenager like 19 and Cummerbund goes, fucks off, and becomes Dread Pirate Roberts, um, in between Cummerbund and Westley let's say like 15 years passed. So Humperdinck is like, I would say between 19 and 25. And if you add that up, he'll be like 34 or closer to 40. So that's the only way that the timeline could work. Um, in that sense.
So my whole point with this is that when Humperdinck has Westley on the wheel, he says, “You truly love one another. So you might've been truly happy, but not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And I think that no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will”. Because Westley in this, in this position or in this situation represents Cummerbund because Cummerbund is no longer around and Humperdinck can put all his anger and his frustration and his betrayal and pent up feelings on Westley. And at the end, when he's confronting him in the bedroom, he says, “I killed you too quickly last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate.” And I think in some way, Humperdinck loves Westley or at least is attracted to him or something because he, that would explain a lot about why he just, the way he looks at him and the way he just tortures him is like, it's very personal. It's like he hasn't been vendetta against Westley. It's not only to destroy the true love that Westley and Buttercup have because Humperdinck is super jealous and he wishes that he could have that. But it's also because Westley kind of represents, you know, the gay pirate that got away and Humperdinck, you know, instead of growing up or being mature and just basically finding someone else to love, just does everything wrong with the rest of his life. He tries to control people. He tries to manipulate them. He tries to do all these things that he's kind of forgotten since he was a teenager when he fell in love with, Cummerbund. So that is the a story of Humperdinck and Wesley and Cummerbund and how all of this is interconnected. And that is my theory. Let me know what you guys think. I didn't want to write it down. Maybe I will. Um, okay. Bye.