Everything felt wrong. Eight steps that should be two, fangs where there should be none, and the large unmistakable body of a spider where there was once a small drow. She wasn't Aera anymore, at least not in her mind.
She had heard the stories as a young drow of the driders that went mad after their transformation, roaming the underdark as nothing more than monsters, and she had been terrified that she would turn out the same. Her first days as a drider had been spent desperately trying to hold onto who she was in fear that she would lose herself- though she knew that she had already been changed.
She feared every day that Lolth would return to finish her off, confused to why she hadn't been killed back then- though she now knew that living in this form was a worse punishment.
Her existence was a reminder to everyone of the Spider Queen's power, a curse impossible to hide. No matter how much she had tried to distance herself from Lolth, she was now proof that no one could escape her. And no matter how much she preached of Lathander, it would still be clear for all to see that Lolth's mark on her was stronger.
She had been used to the looks she would get as a drow on the surface, and had learned to accept that, but nothing compared to this. She was aware of every stare and fearful expression, adding fuel to her own self-hatred at this new form. She had worked so hard to be a comforting presence to the people of Waterdeep, someone they could trust and count on, despite her past- and the terrified looks of the citizens as she walked among them upon her return cut deeper than any sword. Everything she worked for was torn away- she was only a monster in the eyes of the people she once lived among.
She couldn't deny that she was stronger now, as much as she hated the thought. Even if every step filled her with revulsion and wrongness, she knew that there were battles she had survived only because of her drider form. She thought back to her fall from the statue with a shudder, knowing that she would have surely died if it weren't for her spider legs. There were things that she had done that would not have been possible before. And though she wanted more than anything to return to her true self, a part of her knew that she would be weaker, and less able to protect the people she cared about.
Without Lolth, she would be dead. That was the real curse, she now realized- the fact that she depended on the power of the god she hated most.
