#drugs.

[majidblog]

[monstyrious]

@etharest sent : she's prepared something extra special, just for him. a small shot glass filled to the brim with shimmering gold. " feel like experimenting a little, my love? " slides the blood-filled shot glass across the surface of his desk, pushing with her knuckles.

attention flits from the paperwork he's in the midst of - he does it all by hand still, just in case - up to the shot glass, its glimmer and gleam as intoxicating in view as in practice. he turns gold stare up to her, a brow darker than it had been a moment before lofting a touch.

"you do know i love a good experiment," he thrums, and only now is the paperwork set aside so he can once more look at her blood there on his desk.

thus far in their relationship, and with the addition to their sex life of her blood, he's managed to push back every memory, every thought that swirls in the back of his brain. but now he cannot ignore it any longer. the flashes are too loud and aggressive. ilmerrisan raises his arm, beckoning her to come over and sit in his lap so that arm can wrap around her, even though he almost refuses to look at her throughout.

"i've told you i was married before, ja?" he had, but never had he gone into detail about any of it. "twice, actually. the first was very, very long ago. i was the left hand of the queen, and my wife was her favorite seamstress that catered exclusively to her. we were so in love. two years into our marriage, we had a baby girl." he speaks fondly, without any tremors, ache in his tone, even as he continues. "when a neighboring kingdom invaded and won, they exposed my experiments to everyone, including my wife, who i had protected from the knowledge of what i was doing to try to save lives. she chose for both herself and our daughter to be executed for guilt by proxy." now, his voice sombers some, but he continues.

"they did not allow me the same mercy, though not for lack of trying to make that the end goal." free hand comes up to touch lightly at the tip of his ear, perhaps not even realizing he's doing it. "they cut the lengths of my ears to separate me from my people. left the wounds jagged and raw for nearly two hundred and fifty years." hand stays by his ear, where the points are tiny now, and barely visible amid all the silver clips are the paler scars of both the severance, and where centuries later, he had cut cartilage and tried to reform the points. successful enough.

"i cannot recall how many days the whipping lasted." by now, she has certainly seen the scars he has avoided explaining. "it was perhaps a fortnight, perhaps more. nonstop, except to change who it was holding the whips."

there is no quest for sympathy here, only the intention of giving her exactly who he is, and who he has always been.

"my second marriage was messier. i met her not long after i was released from the prison they kept me in after the whipping stopped. i met her, and for a moment things were alright. the day we met, she tried to sell me something to take the pain away. i told her i'd be just fine with my own supply. something i barely remember happened that almost killed me, but next i knew? i was fine. fine, and insatiable."

now is when he looks up at liana. his angel that, though he will likely never admit, reminds him so much of wonderlands and a girl he fondly remembers as alice. a faint smile for her, and he turns it up to liana, lets it fall while he clarifies.

"that was the first time she injected me with a full fluid ounce vial of angel blood against my will, and the first time she left me alone to wallow in the side effects." lazily, his fingers toy at the edge of her dress' skirt, the action chaste and fidgeting. "she would often force it on me, then initiate foreplay only to pull away with the intention of goading me into..." golden gaze turns to the floor and the light fidgeting ceases. "she wanted me to rape her. constantly. it would be an almost daily occurrence, but i was too high on too much blood to see that it was what was going on. it took her practically fucking several other men in front of me after the drugs wore off when she couldn't get what she wanted for me to wake up."

ilmerrisan takes in a deep breath then, his hold on her tighter. "i tell you all of this not to deny this, or make you feel guilt for asking, but so you are wholly aware that when i say yes, i am devoted to you to such a degree that i do it willingly after everything that has happened. that i am opening a wound that has festered for so long by doing so that i trust you not to make more grotesque."

with that said, he brings his gaze back up to meet hers, maintaining it as his hand leaves her dress hem to pick up that shot glass full of her blood and bring it to his lips with no further hesitation, taking it back without breaking their mutual stare. the glass is drained in a single slog, the glass turned upside down onto his desk as he swallows.

"i trust you liana. i love you, and i trust you completely."

[monstyrious]

much like her father figure, xephyr is constantly intoxicated by something, but her favorites are

fairy tears: a 99% potency alcohol ilmerrisan crafted just for her with raspberry, peach and elderflower flavors and edible glitters that constantly float in it without need for agitation, as well as light carbonation that does not falter

aphrodite's blood: a concoction of uppers and aphrodisiacs injected into the veins in microdoses once again crafted by ilmerrisan just for her that makes the person taking it feel light as air, giggly, horny and rabbity in endurance; essentially an injectable love potion

both are available for purchase and use on-site exclusively at honeyfare house.

[wtf-is-hockey]

I have an unrelated question to anything:

Do you plan out what you want to read before hand or how do you approach it?

I ask because I assume you're super busy with life and everything and I always wonder how people structure their reading to include reading for pleasure, for educational purposes and for any other purposes.

I have adhd and I'm always looking for ways to balance my reading cause my brain is a non-cooperative pos even on my best days😭 and I miss reading so much. The only thing I can handle is re-reading the same old books cause they're familiar to my brain and easy to fall into.

Thank you for being you and for the existence of this blog. I didn't know a space like this was something I needed and would enjoy so much❤

Tbh what I read usually directly corresponds to what I’m writing. Like recently I started thinking about writing an essay about my experiences with and philosophy on suicidal ideation, so I started searching for books written about the loss of a loved one to suicide. I read a lot of stuff for research for my fic and will continue to do so. If I’m writing something academic or working on some presentation, project or even just a standard lesson for work, I read whatever I need to be educated on the topic.

However there are exceptions. For example when it was announced Hudson was gonna be in Yaga I immediately started reading Yaga. While trading Yaga I had to take several breaks to read other shit. Obviously HR inspired me to look into the GC books. So it’s not unusual for me to decide to read something because it’s the source material for something else I already know I enjoy. This is honestly very helpful. It’s often easier to read something if I already have some reason to be invested in it beyond potential enjoyment.

Sometimes I’ll read something because a friend recommended it or because it’s the latest and hottest literature going around the office on such and such pedagogy whatever.

But tbh I think for me as someone with adhd what made it easier to read more wasn’t finding like the perfect selection process so much as giving myself permission to be a bad reader. Giving myself permission to read books that are “beneath” me, giving myself permission to only read short books or even short stories or even individual poems, permission to only read a couple pages at a time, permission to read whatever I’m currently obsessed with, permission to read slowly, intermittently or while reading multiple other things. Permission to read at the “wrong” times or when I “should be doing something else.”

And really the best thing to do honestly for adhd is just find something you are fucking obsessed with lmao like something you can’t stop reading about but I know it’s not easy to just find that.

Also amphetamines of course.

[monstyrious]

@awkwardcourage sent : i tried getting sober . . . i swear i did better this time . (From martyr Hughie to Butcher)

it doesn't matter.

nothing matters except that right now, hughie is in the midst of what he can tell is at the very least a bad trip, and at worst, the onset of an overdose. no, it doesn't make it any easier to know that if he does pass, he'll be back right as rain soon enough. fuck, he was supposed to be better than this. he was supposed to be fine this time around. he was supposed to be able to protect hughie.

before the younger man gets the words out entirely, butcher is already beneath him, dragging him into his lap so he can check the necessities. pulse, pupil dilation. he's checking both of the kid's arms, finding which he'd used to shoot up this time. the left.

and so, william is doing all that he's actually able.

he cannot call for help. paramedics would figure out who hughie is, turn him back over to vought. he has no real medical training himself. nelrathe can't do anything, and even if she could, she's too far away out there in the world. all he can do is try to keep hughie comfortable until it passes, or he does.

"it's alright, buck. i know." his hand is over the kid's forehead, pushing curls away from his brow by pulling back. other arm loops around the other's front, giving him a solid base to lean on in case the seizures start. "you did real good this time," comes as an offering. because he had. it had been a while since the last time either of them had done anything but the v. "i'm real proud of you. i'll be even prouder when yer clean again after this. yeah?"

[monstyrious]

thinking randomly on a thursday morning while my spawns beat each other with sticks about the what ifs of nelly on cocaine.

[britfed]

serena does not care if butcher gets high, nor if he does it with hughie. she doesn't love him anymore. just out here letting him shoot up heroin to bond with his boy.

[monstyrigone]

@sacriphic sent : ->

-> on her knees with those big brown eyes of hers just blinking and begging. "please daddy." it's so needy and her hips rock despite the way her arms are bound behind her. she can feel herself squeezing around the pretty plug she has in, but her pussy is so empty and that is what she's begging for, for him to fill her.

times like this are his favorite, where she's as addicted to him and what he can provide as he is to her. with her there on her knees, scraped and dug into by the tile of his laboratory's floor biting into her skin, the pretty little silver and gemstone, heart-shaped plug in her ass, neediness in her tone as she begs. but it's not enough.

not for ilmerrisan, who stands not ten feet away, syringe in one practiced hand and tourniquet already in place around too-big bicep so he shake the little vial of gold and pale blue liquid together. there's barely any of her blood in the vial, but it's enough to give it that iridescent sheen as he pulls the full dose into the syringe.

needle sinks into his skin, into the vein, and as he deposits the mix of white rabbit and angel blood into his system, he lets out a low, hefty groan. the supplies are tossed onto the nearby tool table, his hand rubbing under his nose out of habit as he moves closer to his bound little birdie.

reaching around behind her, he pulls her by the ropes tied at her wrists and forearms to hoist her to her feet, only to walk several steps away and drop himself into his chair, legs spread wide and back leaned into the leather. he pats his left thigh, where through his pants, his stiffened cock is already visible.

"prove to me you mean it when you say you want me."