Kinda wondering if Quark might not remind Julian a bit too much of his father. Idk. It's just occurred to me that on the face of it, they're pretty similar – and in the earlier seasons, Julian never has much time for Quark. (I've been noticing how uncharacteristically impatient his bedside manner is towards Quark, like in The Homecoming when Quark gets branded by the Circle.)
I doubt it's the only reason – Sisko also shows grat disparagement towards Quark, and tbh it's more normal than not for Starfleet officers to be somewhat hostile and xenophobic towards the Ferengi. But it has struck me that in Julian's eyes, Quark may well seem to be just as trapped as Richard is in that same cycle of constantly bidding for greater success only to fail, with the same conviction that he deserves more from the world, the same egocentric posturing that shows no concern for others, and the same disdain for others he considers intellectually inferior to himself.
(Huh - and on that note, Julian's reaction in Nor The Battle to the soldier who shoots himself might also have at its root, at least a subconscious "that's the sort of selfish behaviour I'd expect from my father"... Hmmm)
Thinking about how people, if they celebrate birthdays, presumably count them based on how long a year would be on their home planet and its calendar.
Just interesting to think of how Julian and Garak and Kira and Jadzia and Quark would all calculate their age at different rates, and have a different frequency of birthdays.
And now wondering how people who live on a planet that differs from their culture's "home planet" calculate theirs - probably it differs from community to community. But, for example, had Ezri's family adopted the Sapporan year as the measurement for how old they are, or did they still use Trill standard - or even both, a Trill birthday and a Sapporan birthday? When Ezri gets joined - even if she's adjusted to Federation time while in Starfleet - does she find it disorienting that the symbiont thinks about her age differently to the way she does?
cw: previous partner abuse, continuing sexual trauma, survivor not realising that anything is wrong
--
Season One Julian who's preoccupied with sex, because even though he's had it before and it's been fine, he knows he's not exactly the best at it - no matter how hard Palis had tried to teach him. And he can't expect anyone else to be as patient as Palis, of course, especially if it's just a one night stand, but also it doesn't feel fair to try and find a relationship, either, since he knows he'd be a lot of work, not to mention the everything else that comes with being not just a Starfleet officer but the Chief Medical Officer...
And he knows it's a silly sort of hang-up to have - it's not like he's entitled to someone else's touch, and he can live perfectly well with what he gets - but the fact that it's so small and silly makes it even more frustrating. If this wasn't weighing on his mind, he can imagine being perfectly content all the time. He loves his job, and he's good at his job; his colleagues are starting to respect him and he's certain that if he keeps making the effort to reach out, they'll eventually like him too; for the first time in his life, he doesn't have to even worry about his parents unexpectedly showing up at his door!
But he just can't shake how much he misses Palis, and lying down next to her, the feel of another body close to his, even though it's been months now. And he feels kind of guilty that it's not really, exactly, Palis herself that he's missing - or, at least, it is a little bit her, but far more it's the presence of casual, everyday touch that he really can't stop thinking about. And he's a CMO now: he's got the job of his dreams, and he'd always known he could have the job or the relationship – and he had made his peace with that! The fulfillment he gets from doing his job in the stars and meeting so many people and genuinely changing lives... He couldn't give that up. Not for anything. He's the happiest he's ever been.
(And isn't that just further proof that it would be wrong for him to get into a relationship? Because Palis was wonderful and wise and witty and as amazing as anyone could possibly be - and yet he still feels like he's fallen deeper in love with Deep Space Nine than he ever had with her.)
He just wishes there was some sort of way to, you know... to be able to ask someone if they'd like to go back to your quarters and uh, just hold each other, for a bit? But he knows that's not how it works. He'd asked Palis, once, if they might be able to skip the sex that night and go straight to the hugging, and she'd told him that was kind of a crappy thing to ask her, because sex is a big part of relationships, and you don't get to simply "skip" these things just because you're not in the mood - and hadn't he thought about how undesired and confused his question would make her feel, if he's saying he doesn't want to have sex with her?
No, he's well aware he can't just go around asking people that. There's a nagging question at the back of his mind if it might not work differently in alien cultures, but he can't quite bring himself to ask. It's a small station, and if he's wrong, and if word gets around that he's not all that interested in sex - well, he'd lose any chance of getting a date, wouldn't he? And it's not like he dislikes sex, it's not as if sex isn't worth it for those hours of closeness. Anything would be.
So he goes on dates. He has sex. He wonders if he'll ever get close enough to Jadzia to ask her a Trill's perspective on this - and he tries not to let on how much her brief hugs mean to him, because he knows how perceptive she is. He really does like her, though, and he's both terrified and thrilled at the idea that she might one day accept his advances: he's assiduous about making sure she knows he hasn't changed his mind, just in case.
And he tells himself that he's fine, because he is. He really, finally is.
I always enjoyed the end of 'Melora', but combined with Julian's backstory, it hits just so hard - honestly, it's almost unbelievable that this isn't foreshadowing! How much is he aching to be able to tell her that he really does understand, and wishing himself that he could let her in on his secret?
And the way he becomes so quiet, almost withdrawn after what she says about how continuing with the treatment would be stopping her from being her - is he thinking about how he never got given that choice? How he still sometimes doesn't feel like himself, because he's not Jules, like he was supposed to be - how he's not human, not fully, and if anyone found out he'd be forced out of his home, here in Starfleet, and lose everything that makes him Julian, too.
In Statistical Probabilities, I've never really focussed in on this line:
BASHIR: There was nothing the doctors at the Institute could do for them. These cases are so rare there's no standard treatment.
KIRA: I can't imagine it was a very stimulating environment for them.
BASHIR: That's what Doctor Loews thought when she first came to the Institute. She got permission to separate them from the other residents so that she could work with them.
and I've always assumed the Institute was for genetically enhanced individuals, and that Jack, Lauren, Sarina and Patrick were just selected as the most likely to benefit from "rehabilitation".
But I'm kind of thinking that actually, maybe the implication is that they were the only four mutants at the Institute, which was more broadly meant to cater for (or maybe, "cater for" 🙃) people with a whole variety of additional needs, and that they'd been sent there simply because whoever was in charge of their cases didn't know what else to do with them.
(Or at least, that whoever was in charge of Patrick's case didn't know what to do with him, and subsequently since he was already there, it "made sense" for Jack, Lauren and Sarina to join him when their parents came forward.)
(The age gap between Patrick and the others is very large if they're the only four outed mutants on Earth, and I can't help wondering what the life expectancy for those in the Institute's care actually is...)
Also the ending of Cardassians I will forever and always be absolutely gutted by, no matter how much I know it's coming. Rugal consistently states he wants to go home to Bajor, but Sisko lets his own feelings as a parent cloud him far too much imo. His final "Although I am convinced his Bajoran foster parents treated him with love [...] I believe it's time for his healing to begin." statement - gah! You think Cardassia is going to be kinder to a boy who's determined to be Bajoran?
It's a really interesting character trait, and makes so much sense for Sisko to have this "biological family is best" blindspot, but it hurts immensely right here, every time.
I'd forgotten that Miles also has a canonical horrible birthday, in The Assignment!
Unfortunately, this part of Season 5 is awful to accurately date, given Kira's pregnancy and inconsistent things said about that, but my best guess would be that it takes place in late March.
Other mid-March to early-April episodes (atm haha, I've only been fine-tuning season 5 so far!):
s2 - Cardassians, Melora, Rules of Acquisition
s3 - The Search, House of Quark
s4 - Rejoined, Starship Down
s6 - Sacrifice of Angels, You Are Cordially Invited
s7 - Take Me Out To The Holosuite; Chrysalis; Treachery, Faith, And The Great River (and maybe others - s7 is reallly disconnected from stardates)
