I wrote this some time ago in 2023! And it’s sat in my drafts since mid 2024… There are notes on literary allusions (and a tangent about Madame Ping & Guizhong in the 2023 Latern Rite) at the end.
(Do you know how hard it is to take extremely condensed wenyan where a whole sentence is expressed in seven syllables and pick English words to fit even half of that while accounting for syllable and rhyme?)
Alas—!
Two cranes parted, torn apart
Consumed by revenge, blindly start
Fledglings were offered to appease the god
Were it not for her sword, lives would be lost
Farewell past ties; now ascend
To the clouds, desires cleansed
Bound by red strings and forget
Snow-like, no regrets
Splendour back home has long died
With it left all signs of life
Mortal ties old then go
Like smoke
Thus does the Divine Damsel's tale duly end, but today a new tale I have to append, which I shall now tell — if you shall attend.
High notes shan’t go on alone
Surely one’s own zhiyin knows
Crimson tassel, silver blade
To the raging sea, laid waste
The crane once returned.
In a bleak world with none to rely on,
she left alone.
Now, she’ll again sit
with friends new and old filling the halls,
to celebrate this moment.
Some Notes/Thoughts
Yun Jin’s interlude is from the official English version.
Yun Jin’s monologue at the end is based on my translation of the wenyan Chinese.
[Hm. Single syllable words work best here…]
[fledgelings mean children here, using the bird imagery from before]
Wow so I’m sounding it out and trying to see what phonemes I’m using but from the outside I’m just some guy muttering over and over “mortal ties old then go like smoke”…
“曲高未必人不识 / 自有知音和清词” — roughly “Complex notes don’t necessarily mean no one understands. There’ll naturally be soulmates who understand and can join in song” except 知音 is not actually romantic or fated the way a “soulmate” is commonly, and more like someone who understands you very well. Someone who’s on the same wavelength as you.
“High notes shan’t go on alone / Surely one’s own zhiyin knows” - silently claws at air at the gap between my words and the feeling expressed through the idioms and literary allusions in the original text, the music and instrument imagery, what it means for Yun Jin to SING this in front of Shenhe. I think in trying to retain the musical imagery I lose the meaning a little, and it’s just hard to explain what a zhiyin is with so little syllables.
曲高 —> 曲高和寡 (qǔ gāo hè guǎ): idiom that means the more skilled someone is, the harder it is to find those who understand them. lit. “Elevated song, few join [in singing].” The more profound a song is, the less people can join in to sing (“曲調愈高深，則能與之唱和者愈少”, translated interpretation from National Academy for Educational Research) or “difficult songs find few singers” (definition from YellowBridge).
And yet Yun Jin turns that around by alluding to the 知音, (lit. “knows sound”) which comes from a story where Bo Ya, a skilled qin player whose playing few understands, meets Zhong Ziqi, who understands what Bo Ya is thinking just from the sound of his playing (though Ziqi dies at the end so Bo Ya smashes his instrument and vows to never play again)
This story is also the one alluded in Madame Ping’s backstory with Guizhong, as described by Cloud Retainer in part two of The Exquisite Night Times (Lantern Rite 2023). That story actually matches the original closer than Yun Jin’s allusion
“Once upon a time, Streetward Rambler also loved gatherings, liquor, and music. But after Guizhong passed, she preferred her own company. She could often be found sitting alone at a mountain summit, contemplating and reminiscing with her zither.”
“The music would go from mournful, to soothing, to impassioned...”
“Many years passed before she finally composed a melody to her satisfaction. In celebration, she played the tune to the clouds. Regrettably, one has only ever heard her play that tune once.”
And, y’know, “Though the strings that played that melody survive, the one who inspired it is gone. Tell me, Cloud Retainer... when the one attuned to my soul is no longer here, who else could hope to understand this tune?”
Who’s the one who’s crouching low, too scared to let your sorrows flow?
Strike as hard as you were laughed at — Twice or tenfold
Just you wait. It will be me who will seize our victory
Without arms, let’s hand in hand march on, and let me lead
Should the years spin out of grasp and should the heavens get upturned
Promise me you’ll let go of the price tag you have learned
“Again a poor draft… Should this one be my last?”
Please don’t give up. Don’t throw your life in the trash
1st Pre-Chorus
Shivering at station’s stop once again
Thinking “Should I just make it end?”
I’m at a loss, ‘cause tomorrow I must play the boss
Of my future self without a fail. I cannot tell if I will prevail
1st Chorus
Let the years go by, and cars will fly and that’s how we’d get home
And survive the nights and talk to screens for comfort and to cope
So what? Convenience and ease? Well then, come and convince me
Don’t you know my heart’s still bleeding, voice behind the phone?!
If a missile flies across the sky, and victory’s secured
Then I’d join my hands and pray for joy and beg that I’d be heard
Then I’d know that I must be kind, more kind
Can I say I’ve come to terms with who I am?
2nd Verse
“Why don’t you look for the light within the gift that is your life?”
But the darkness takes and never gives back delights
Be it when I’m by myself or I’m with somebody else
Loneliness will strike back. I’m attacked. Requesting help!
Bridge
“Wanna kill myself.” But they don’t believe me
“Quit your whining! So depressing…” From their words, I bleed
“Such a drama queen.” But I swear that I’m not lying!
I cannot find words in a mind so ill-defined
Thus I will sing of things only I see!
2nd Pre-Chorus
Shimmering, heading into the dark arcade
Thinking “Should I just waste life away?”
Yet at a cost, ‘cause tomorrow might not live at all
If I die today. The last refrain beneath the train has so much to say…
2nd Chorus
“Keep your fucking love. I’m fine unloved,” I say, yet deep inside
I know I’m ashamed and I’m to blame. To myself I have lied
Has something changed, my dear heart? Still wanna die and depart?
God, I hate that you don’t try. You know there’s help tonight!
If a missile flies across the sky, and victory’s secured
If the ashes of a million fly, and that is called a cure
Then I’d know that I must be kind, more kind
Can I say I’ve come to terms with
Who I am? I must change. Be kind, more kind
Before my heart hardens and turns into stone
———
“Can I say I’ve come to terms with who I am?”
I wrote translyrics for this first back in 2017, and then rewrote it in 2021. Now, I’m taking a shot at this yet again in 2022, because I remember seeing Oktavia’s interpretation and translation of its lyrics and thinking that it captured the vibe of the song very well. I feel that I’ve understood the song some more. This time, I’ve put in some of my own interpretations, so the lyrics are even more emotional than my previous versions while hopefully still retaining the original themes from Neru’s Japanese lyrics. Taking inspiration from the assonance, consonance, and end rhymes in Oktavia’s English lyrics, particularly her lyrics for “Melancholy of the Literary Boy” (warning: discusses depression), I’ve put more focus on the rhythm and flow of these lyrics as well.
This song talks about a pretty heavy topic, but because of the honesty of it, along with the line “I want to become a kind person” in spite of everything else discussed, it remains as one of my favourite songs by Neru.
Oh yeah, I wanted to talk about my thought process a bit.
In the first verse, “Should the years spin out of grasp and should the heavens get upturned” is foreshadowing the chorus’ lines “Let the years go by, and cars will fly and that’s how we’d get home” and “If a missile flies across the sky, and victory’s secured”. Oktavia’s translation says, “Let’s make a ‘no matter what crazy stuff happens after this’ sort of promise,” so I took the chance to expand on that line and link it to the chorus.
By the way, I really wanted to employ a bunch of rhythms in succession for the last lines of the pre-choruses (and bridge) since the melody cuts it up into sections, so I really liked those lines too. “Of my future self without a fail. I cannot tell if I will prevail”, “I cannot find words in a mind so ill-defined” and “If I die today. The last refrain beneath the train has so much to say…” sound nice when sung quickly.
In the chorus, there’s a line where Oktavia translated to “Honestly, so what? Before you marvel at how convenient all that’s gonna be, / convenience me and heal my emotional scars!” I’ve always loved the original line and Oktavia’s translation brings across the meaning very well, so I pushed it further by writing “So what? Convenience and ease? Well then, come and convince me / Don’t you know my heart’s still bleeding, voice behind the phone?!”. This is just a bit I added into the middle of the choruses, but the idea is that the narrators Tsuji and Azuma (the characters in the MV) are using a suicide hotline at night, hence that line and the second chorus’ “God, I hate that you don’t try. You know there’s help tonight!”
The entire bridge was the first time I’ve realized just how dark this song is. Prior to Oktavia’s translation, I’ve never quite understood the bridge, but her translation brought out the meaning much better, especially for the line “but it was like a dagger to my heart when people said stuff like ‘Seriously? This again?’ towards it”. Thus I ran with the idea of other people’s cruel opinions towards depressed individuals and wrote, “‘Quit your whining! So depressing…’ From their words, I bleed / ‘Such a drama queen.’ But I swear that I’m not lying!”
The starting line of the second chorus took many tries because Oktavia expresses the meaning very well in her translation, however it was a challenge to fit the message through the limited syllable counts along with the internal rhymes. Her translation is “Even if I say ‘To hell with love,’ embracing my misery and feigning a ‘I’ve stopped giving a shit’ sort of air”. Thus, I tried “‘You can’t save me with some love you’ve got,’ I say, yet deep inside” and “‘I’m unsavable, so keep your love,’ I say, yet deep inside”. The problem was that with the fast tempo of the song, the first line might sound like “You CAN save me with some love you’ve got” which defeats the whole purpose of the line. The line that I ended up using came to me during an improvisation and I rushed to scribble it down. “‘Keep your fucking love. I’m fine unloved,’ I say, yet deep inside”. I try to not swear in translyrics when the original doesn’t swear, but the original does swear (in a different part). With the melody of this line, the emphasized note would hit “fine” which emphasizes the sentiment behind the line well…
And lastly, I really wanted to keep the repetition and assonance in the original line (in romaji), “Yasashii hito ni naranakucha / Boku wa boku wo kouteishiteikeru kana”, so that line took some tries. Oktavia’s translation was “Then I guess I really need to become a kind person. I wonder if I’ll ever be proud of who I am…” An early version was “I would have to be kind. I know I must / Can I, would I say I’m proud of who I am?” But in the end, I wrote “Then I’d know that I must be kind, more kind / Can I say I’ve come to terms with who I am?” which has the repetition I wanted so I’m really happy how it turned out.
Referenced English translation: vocaloidlyrics.fandom.com
Note: I also translated and interpreted some lines again myself with my Japanese skills
.
Content Note
main theme contains suicide / suicidal thoughts
mentions blood, violence, gambling
Author’s Comment
I started drafting the 1st verse some time ago so I picked it up recently and finished the rest of it within a few days!
“Re-education” was one of the first Neru MVs I watched when I first got into his songs years ago. After first listening to “Lost One’s Weeping” I stumbled upon “Re-education” and fell in love with the visuals (thanks sidu) and song. So this time, I’ve taken a close look at the lyrics and themes, and wrote English translyrics for it.
I also wrote the bridge mostly in rap (because I was having trouble writing singable lyrics, haha)! Please check it out and sing & rap along!
[1st verse]
One last meeting with tomorrow,
Then upon that fast-paced highway I’ll go
If I jump off and bid goodbye,
Surely nobody will heed to my cries?
.
Morals can go die, left untold
Like a can that’s kicked. A sight to behold
And teens say “Well, guess that is life”
Yet again these words, for how many nights?
.
[1st pre-chorus]
Grew sick of life, the girl snuck away
And reached a warehouse just yesterday, then
Sought for release, sought for relief
She wrapped tape ‘round her neck
And took a final breath
.
[chorus]
At the end of that blade
there stand our dreams, nowhere to hide
Yet it’s our tomorrow who’s screaming from the inside
“Someone help me! Don’t just leave me here!”
For the loneliness is far too great to bear
.
At the end of that justice,
there lies our dreams, cold and dead
Yet it’s our tomorrow who’s got no blood left to shed
Strike a match. Light it up. Had enough
Return to ash, those days I threw out with the trash
.
[2nd verse]
Oh, that’s right
No goals, no hope, constant replays
Ain’t that how you felt then, back in the days?
Should our past selves see us right now,
Surely they will laugh, “You’re way beyond help!”
.
[2nd pre-chorus]
The living, breathing scumbag burned all his cash
To try his hand yet again at Blackjack, but
If you rewind time you will find
A loving daughter and wife
Despite his loser’s life
.
[chorus]
At the end of that blade
there stand our dreams, nowhere to hide
Yet it’s our tomorrow who’s screaming from the inside
“Someone help me! Don’t just leave me here!”
For the loneliness is far too great to bear
.
At the end of that justice,
there lies our dreams, cold and dead
Yet it’s our tomorrow who’s got no blood left to shed
Strike a match. Light it up. Had enough
Return to ash, those days I threw out with the trash
.
[bridge: rap]
Never gonna heal. Never gonna prevail
Loneliness is a sickness with no pill
.
“Don’t you kill yourself. Don’t you give up on help.”
Help me? Really? Does it ever go well?!
.
Happiness? Never seen. So just tell me
What it’s like with a life with no worries
.
[bridge: sing]
I say to you with a sigh, “I just wanna go die”
.
[bridge: rap]
God, I hate this life. Gonna say a “bye-bye”
Feeling sad. Off the map with no “next time”
.
Kinda tellin’ lies. Gonna stay a while, guys
But the voice. Can’t avoid. It’s so HiFi
.
[bridge: sing]
“You never listen to what you’re told,” sensei says
It’s better if you’re dead
.
[chorus]
At the end of that blade
there stand our dreams, nowhere to hide
Yet it’s our tomorrow who’s screaming from the inside
“Someone help me! Don’t just leave me here!”
For the loneliness is far too great to bear
.
At the end of that justice,
there lies our dreams, cold and dead
Yet it’s our tomorrow who’s got no blood left to shed
Strike a match. Light it up. Had enough
Return to ash, those days I threw out with the trash
I’m looking at old English translyrics I wrote to Neru’s “Life Prolonging Treatment” (MV has flashing and violent imagery) and—oh my god? What is this rhyme scheme in the first chorus??
The prosody is a little rough (I think I missed a few syllables) but the rhyme scheme kind of works with the melody though…?
Content Warning: Medical trauma. The rest is kind of vague/heavily implied but, unethical experimentation (?), terminal illness (?), self-harm (?), suicide ideation
My English Translyrics:
Stuck between machine and pride, the patient, day by day, worsens
Tubes in veins, artificial limbs with no restraints have hurt each other again
The treatment’s dim, hidden in a sea of trees
Head in, or from within, won’t you leave me be?!
You see? It's all just a dream...
-
Original Japanese lyrics by Neru:
機械とプライドの間で暗む病状
僕ら管だらけの手足で傷を付け合いました
治療法は樹海の中で 朦朧
どうか ここから 連れ出してよ
「ほら、眠くなる。」
-
I think I took some creative liberties with writing “Head in, or from within, won’t you leave me be?!” because the original lyrics of “どうかここから連れ出してよ” is more so “I beg of you, take me away from here!” (according to Rippukun’s translation on Vocaloid Lyrics). But in fact, an older version of these translyrics I wrote it as a more straightforward “So please, take me away. Let me leave this place.” That might work better, because the “here” this line refers to the speaker’s traumatic situation (in the hospital, presumably) and not—(content warning: discussion of suicide in the linked article)—the sea of trees alluded in the previous line…
-
Still, I suppose you wouldn’t write English lyrics like this if it was originally an English song. That is, the melody fits the Japanese lyrics more… because… (checks) the original lyrics have a lot of plosives, phonetically…? It’s strange though. The Japanese lyrics have internal rhymes but my English lyrics have a different set of rhymes which is… hm…
Japanese Lyrics in Romaji:
Kikai to, puraido no aida de, kuramu byoujou
Bokura, kuda darake no teashi de, kizu o tsuke aimashita
When writing English translyrics, I sometimes look at the original lyrics’ rhythm and rhyme schemes for inspiration instead of solely focusing on the syllable count. (Meter in spoken poetry is kind of different from a vocal melody isn’t it…?)
Disclaimer: I’m not fluent in French at a native level so please take my interpretation with a grain of salt. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong
So for example, the extended verse of HOYO-MiX’s “La vaguelette” in its original French lyrics:
Non, le grand amour ne suffit pas
Seul un adieu fleurira
C'est notre histoire de vie, douce et amère
-
The English translation by Lolaska on LyricsTranslate that I partially referenced (since the in-game English version is highly stylized):
No, true love is not enough
An only farewell will blossom
It's our life story, so bittersweet
Although, I understood the second and third lines as “Only an adieu will bloom forth / It’s the story of our life, bitter and sweet”?
-
And what I ended up with (for now) as English translyrics:
No, the greatest love will not suffice
Only adieux can survive
So goes our history: bitter and sweet
…“Survive” is such a harsh word though, compared to “fleurir” (blossom/bloom/flourish?) I’ll have to rework the rhyme scene some more to fit in a softer “blossom” image🤔
