Dusk Fragments #3
Summary: He has you by his side but your heart has always been with her. It's a battle he knew he'd lost anyway.
Pairing: Platonic Jake x Gender Neutral MC & Mentions of Jessy x Gender Neutral MC & Jake x OC
“You're staring.”
Jake's eyes darted from you to turn to the redhead before him. Her voice was gentle but great amusement was dancing across her cerulean orbs. The stinging pain from the cotton ball this person– Aerith, he reminded himself– was using to dab across his cheek- was a harsh reminder of his current predicament. It felt like a bee sting, and he couldn't help but wince.
Jake closed his eyes momentarily. He'd been dying to close them for minutes already, but the temptation to look and observe you had always been stronger. Maybe if he didn't open them, he could pretend he hadn't been caught staring by your subordinate of all people.
“Chief got you good, huh?” Aerith continued as she tended to his wounds, her touch surprisingly gentle despite the situation.
Jake slightly opened one tired eye, and it didn't escape him how her gaze wandered towards you. You were currently engrossed in a serious conversation with Charlotte. Your eyes occasionally glanced toward their spot, which told him he was probably the topic of conversation with Charlotte.
"They have to do it, you know?" Aerith's voice brought him back to the present.
“Who?” Jake asked simply despite knowing exactly who she was talking about.
“Chief L/n.”
Jake fell silent for a moment, contemplating whether he should discuss these matters with anyone other than you. “I know Y/n’s plans. We have talked about this possibility long before something went wrong with our plans.”
Aerith raised an eyebrow. “I figured. You wouldn't be willingly so compliant with us if the chief hadn't told you anything.”
“What do you mean?” Jake's voice was gruff, still carrying the discomfort from the injuries he'd sustained. He winced slightly as Aerith applied a bandage to one of his facial cuts that you had given him.
Aerith didn’t speak for a moment, choosing to grab some bandage to put on some cuts he had on his face. You really got him good; broken nose, a couple of bruises and cuts, and all that.
"You'd given CIA some trouble pinning you down, you know? Not that I'm surprised given how incompetent their system is. If I were assigned to track you down, I would have wrapped it up before it all went sideways,” she remarked, a smug grin playing on her lips. Jake, despite his current state, couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at her audaciousness. “Anyway, what I mean is... a man of your nature would pretty much prefer to be killed or be locked up rather than work with us. You were pretty vocal about your hatred of us, so it was quite surprising to see you being so compliant.”
“I trust, Y/n,” Jake answered almost automatically like it was normal as breathing. Like it was supposed to be the only reason. But even though he said that, a part of him is starting to question his own beliefs.
“Yeah, sure.” Aerith eyes him skeptically, unable to believe his words. “After they beat you up earlier in front of hundreds of agents and CIA officials no less, can you still say that you trust our Chief?”
The memory flashed back in his mind for a brief moment. Despite his absolute trust in you, he couldn’t help the sudden fear that bubbled up in him when you walked towards him earlier. Eyes devoid of emotions met his helpless ones as you kicked and tossed him around in front of so many people.
Feeling such enormous pain spiking up in his body almost broke his resolve. It almost made him think that he was truly indeed captured by you, and he’ll probably meet his demise in your hands.
However, he knew you. He knew you better than he knew anyone else, even himself. And he knew that the act was part of a grander scheme, a plan that involved protecting something much bigger. But that didn't mean it was easy to endure.
“I was beginning to question that myself.” He couldn't help but mutter, voice hoarse from his throat feeling so dry.
Aerith laughed softly at that. “Don't take it to heart though. Chief had to do that to ensure your custody falls on us rather than the CIA. And I guarantee you that we are the best shot you got."
Jake continued to eye her skeptically. He was only here because he trusted your words. But in this unfamiliar territory, trust was a fragile thing.
“I'm going to be blunt. CIA wants you dead,” Aerith stated matter-of-factly as she handed him an ice pack for the swelling bruise on his right eye, her demeanor remarkably casual given the gravity of her words. “Chief had to take drastic measures to prevent that from happening.”
“Beating me up sounds so helpful,” Jake mumbled sarcastically. He wasn’t angry at you by any means, but he was rather frustrated about the whole situation. The only thing he was holding onto was the words you had told him when you were both in the car, and that was what kept him going.
“Can you maybe stop predicting things, Jake?”
“You and I both know how this will all end.”
“Do we?” You challenged, a small smirk creeping into your features. “Maybe we should start trying for a few alternatives.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know if you’ll approve but I think I can help your defection to the FBI.”
“Y/n, they are after me, remember? In what world would they allow me to have clearance?”
“As far as I’m concerned only the CIA wants your head and we’re just tasked to capture you. But what if, Jake? What if you prove that your skills will be valuable to our Agency?”
“It does.” Aerith’s answer made him snap back to reality. “Chief has to make sure that our Agency is fully capable of controlling, even subduing you if necessary. By beating you up, it serves that the Chief held you by the neck.”
Jake pursed his lips, almost wincing due to the cut on his lips. It felt like this woman was spouting nonsense but the possibility that was your way to help him, never mind that it hurts like hell, is something that he could see you’ll do.
"I see."
****
“You're staring again.”
Jake sighed, realizing that his eyes had been locked on your figure. You were slouched in your office chair, engrossed in your phone, staring at what seemed to be a picture of Jessy. There was a distant longing in your eyes that Jake wished he could fulfill, but he knew well enough that he couldn't be the one you were yearning for.
“What do you want?” His voice came out colder than he intended. However, Aerith didn't seem to mind.
“Chief said that people like us who spend most of our time in front of our computers find it difficult to connect with people and understand their feelings,” she mused as she swiveled her chair back and forth.
The office around them was quiet, with only the soft hum of computers and distant chatter from other agents. It was a stark contrast to the intensity of their recent missions, a temporary respite from the action.
“And your point is?”
“Tell me if I'm wrong but it seemed to me that you are harboring unrequited feelings for our Chief.”
Jake raised an eyebrow, taken aback by her blunt assessment. “And what, pray tell, made you come to that conclusion?”
She shrugged, a mischievous grin playing on her lips. “I have never met someone who could tear my eyes away from a computer screen for as long as you just did. You’ve been staring at Chief for minutes already! Either you like the Chief or you’re probably planning their murder already, which is highly unlikely, so I assumed it would be the former."
“You’re awfully perceptive, it’s scary.”
“It’s a perk one must have if you have to be in Gamma,” Aerith replied nonchalantly, leaning back in her chair. “You’ve worked with Chief before, right? Then you have probably seen firsthand how scarily perceptive and manipulative they are.”
Jake raised an eyebrow at that but did not comment.
"In a good way, of course!" She hastily added, realizing her choice of words might sound negative.
Jake sighed and nodded. "Y/n is a good agent. They manage to notice things I wouldn’t. And their emotional intelligence is something that shouldn’t be overlooked."
Aerith grinned, seemingly satisfied with his response. "Well, our Chief has sung nothing but praises about you. Not that we need another hacker in our team because I’m awesome already,” she began to quip making Jake quirk a small smile behind his mask, “but I can say it's a relief to know that someone as capable as you are on our team. Let's just hope Chief doesn't catch on to your... affections. It could get complicated."
Jake's expression grew serious. “I don't intend to let it affect our work. Y/n is a dedicated leader, and I respect that.”
Aerith chuckled. “Well, let's just hope your feelings don't get in the way of your judgment.”
Jake didn't reply, but his troubled expression spoke volumes.
****
“You shouldn’t be staring.”
Jake pursed his lips but didn’t tear his eyes away from the monitor. He had spent months already hearing this voice so he was already familiar with it.
“I think I should be. This is our task after all.”
“I think the right word should be ‘watching.’” Aerith points out with an eyebrow raised. “We need to watch all 50 monitors not one.”
He sighed. She’s right. He shouldn’t be just watching the monitor you’re only in. Such incompetence could compromise not only this mission but as well as his clearance.
Watching every monitor is of importance as such it will help you navigate your way through your culprit’s location without compromising your presence to them. And that’s where the tech team comes through. The Tech team comprises Aerith and him so technically they’re not too many in the team but as a person who’s used to working alone, he felt like it was too crowded.
He’d like to think that’s the case but in reality, it just doesn’t feel the same when he’s not working with you. Aerith is a good company, but she’s not you.
“I am just wondering if it’s such a good idea for Y/n to be alone infiltrating the base and we’re just here watching and sitting when we could be much of help to them.”
“Chief prefers to work alone. We’re just here to provide any means they may need if such a situation arises. In any case that we’ll be there with them, we’re just going to be a liability to them.” Jake was about to open his mouth, but Aerith continued speaking. “Even if they need backup, they would have brought Charlotte and the others with them.”
“But the others have their own mission to attend to.”
“Exactly. This is why it’s just the three of us.” Aerith rolls her eyes at him before throwing a snack bar on his face that he almost barely caught. “So sit your ass down and let’s do our job.”
****
“What were you thinking, Jake?” Your voice rises significantly at every syllable and Jake could only stare at you. “I already got it! You shouldn’t have done that! What if you got killed for Christ’s sake!”
“I’m not gonna say ‘I told you so.’” Aerith whispered against him as Jake found himself being bandaged again by her.
As it seems, Jake doesn’t have the presence of mind to think about his own safety whenever he sees you’re in trouble. After Aerith told him to just do their jobs, his eyes caught one of the monitors of a room next to where you are. There were at least a dozen armed people waiting for you at the door.
Aerith was busy barking up warnings your way to notice Jake bolting out of the van and into the scene. Long story short, his impulsiveness got him shot in his shoulder, the mission was a success despite some shortcomings and now, you’re mad at him.
“I’m sorry,” he mutters so low that Aerith might be the only one who heard it. “There’s just so many of them… I–“ he paused and finally looked at you. “I just don’t want to lose you.”
The fire in your eyes didn’t die down at his words and Jake knew then it wasn’t the right choice of words.
“I’m not yours to lose.” Your reply was swift and unthinkable. It doesn’t need thinking because Jake knew it was a fact. You were not his to lose. Never were and never will.
It felt like a punch in the gut. Hell, that hurt much more than the bullet that pierced his skin, and yet he didn’t know how to react. In fact, he’s not sure what his face looked like right now and he badly hopes you couldn’t see in his eyes how those words affected him.
Even Aerith froze at your choice of words but remained quiet. She knew this was a subject matter she shouldn’t even be hearing.
It took a moment of silence before your words sank in you. Closing your eyes, you plopped down the nearest cushion before addressing the redhead, “Ae, are you done? Can you give us a moment, please?”
“I’m just about done,” Aerith replies as she secures the last gauze on Jake’s arms. She stood up, “I’m just going to buy some coffee. You guys need anything? Uhm… no? Okay.”
When Aerith left, Jake didn’t dare to look up from his seat but the feeling of the cushion pressing down beside him let him know you sat down next to him.
“I’m sorry,” you began, “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No… I shouldn't have said what I said. What I did was foolish as well.”
A firm hand was placed on his shoulder, forcing him to look up. “I’m sorry for forcing you into a life like this. I know this isn’t what you had in mind.”
“Don’t worry about it, Y/n. There’s not much choice in the matter. Either I get killed, die in prison, or join your team.”
“I know. But if you hadn’t come into the mine with me, you wouldn’t have ended up here.”
“It’s my choice. I wanted to ensure you’re safe. And that stands until now.”
“Jake…” You sighed. “You shouldn’t be making a choice based on me. Look where it’s gotten you. You’re stuck in a job you didn’t want under the same people who were chasing after you a couple of months ago.”
“I have no regrets, Y/n. I hope you know that.” He said firmly. “I don’t ever regret meeting you, knowing you and…” he paused, not sure if it’s even appropriate to say it, but he said it anyway,” loving you.”
He can see you’re trying to make a neutral expression, but your eyes never fail to hide what you truly feel, and yet this time, he saw it beneath the cracks of your mask. There was a brief surprise in them. If it’s a surprise about his feelings for you or the fact that Jake finally voices out the words that remained unspoken for months, he didn’t know which.
For someone like Jake who has known warmth solely from the presence of his mom, his beanie and hoodie, and his ever-trusty laptop, he never knew what loving and caring for someone feels like, however, his actions for the past months have been more vocal than his voice ever could. And for someone perceptive as you, he wouldn’t be surprised you’d already catch on his feelings the first week.
It also didn’t help when he found out that you have taken a particular liking to Jessica Hawkins. So even without confessing, he already knew he lost the battle without even starting.
“I’m not saying this for you to say it back.” He continued after a minute of deafening silence. “Just…” He clenches his fist. “Just let me feel this, Y/n. It will go away eventually. Just give me some time.” Some time to desensitize myself from the ache I’m feeling from having you but not truly having you.
You gazed at him, your lips parting briefly before closing as if you were about to say something but decided against it. You visibly swallowed, your eyes staring deep into his soul that Jake wanted to look away. “I care about you, too.” You settled on.
There was an unspoken sentence beneath those words. You cared about him. Just not the extent he wanted it to be.
“I’ve had a lot of people die under my watch. Please don’t be one of them, too.” Tears started to gather at the corner of your eyes. But you didn’t dare let them fall. Instead, you leaned back, resting against the headrest, your eyes fixated on the unseen sky beyond the van's roof. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Your words echoed his own ones making him freeze on the spot.
Had he been selfish all this time? Focusing on his love for someone who already loves someone else? Focusing on you while you were busting your ass making sure he won’t be killed?
I don’t know.
You love him. You care for him. You’re here with him. Even though it isn’t the type of love and care he wants, it was always there for him. You were giving it to him without asking anything but to stay and be alive for you. It should be enough. It should have been enough.
The ache in his chest began to dissipate, replaced by a comforting warmth swelling within him. Taking a deep breath, he mustered up the courage to take your cold hands against his warm ones. A flash of surprise flickered in your eyes, but you didn’t dare pull your hands away.
“I don’t want to lose you either.” He mutters softly. This time his words didn’t anger you. It was then you knew what he meant. That he understood what you said and he finally understood what to do about what he feels.
***
“You’re staring.”
Jake blinked at the redhead before him. Somehow this scene felt awfully familiar. But this time, Aerith wasn’t here to dress his wounds nor were his eyes glued at your back.
Strange.
In the passing weeks, he realized a newfound appreciation for the color red. Not the crimson of blood, but the allure of red lips, fiery hair, and flushed cheeks. When did he develop a fondness for such a hue?
“Keep staring at me like that and I’m starting to think you’re crushing on me.” Aerith teased, her voice filled with a playful arrogance, pulling him back from his trance—clue: red hair.
"I'm not staring," he weakly defended himself. He was glad he kept the mask on. It saves him in such embarrassing prepositions like this. He mutters a soft ‘thanks’ when Aerith places the cup of coffee and a slice of red velvet cake in front of him.
Yeah, definitely not staring. Aerith can only snicker as she watches Jake’s dark orbs follow her every move.
A/n: Sorry for the long wait, guys. This has been in my drafts for months and I wasn't able to finish it when my Internship started. I was so busy I barely had the energy to write. Then the holidays came and yeah, I only got the motivation now to finish it. Anyway, just wanted to point out that I wanted to write these one-shots in different POVs. After this, I promise we're going to get crumbs on our favorite couple. Though I cannot promise I'll be able to write the next one soon. Thanks for the wait! Adios!
