Living with your abusers when they aren't actively abusing you is so, it's horrid. I just want to cry and scream all the time, I'm so paranoid all the time, I can't do the things I like because I'm afraid of seeing him. But I'm fine... I'm not being abused anymore, I'm not being hurt and the people in my house have made an effort to keep it that way and keep us apart but it still hurt and I still get triggered every day and I still am not able to pursue my passions and he still tries to speak to me and yet I can't express any of this because others have tried so hard to make me feel better, to make things okay and yet I'm not. Why can't I just be okay, why can't thing just be good. Why can't it all just be over. I want it all to be over. I don't want to be tormented anymore. Why does he try to speak to me. Why does he break my boundaries, why why why, why can't it all just be gone, I hate this.