#dysphoria rant

[roxyandtheroxies]

i wish i was cis

i wish i had a cisgender name

i wish i never had to know what being an "egg" is like

i wish i never had to transition

i wish i didn't have to voice train

i wish i didn't have to go to a transgender space just to vent about my day

i wish nobody ever called me a crossdresser just for dressing like a cis woman does, i'm not a crossdresser

i wish i could go to the women's bathroom outside of just an Art College

i wish nobody assumed i was a lesbian

i wish i could be extremely feminine without anybody raising an eyebrow

i wish my past was filled with experiences that didn't all give dysphoria

i wish nobody thought my gender is "complex" it isn't complex, it's so simple

i wish nobody assumed things about my past based on my gender alone

i wish i could feel no guilt or awkwardness in joining a group of women in conversation

i wish i passed and that's that

i just wish i was cis, i just wish i was cis, i wish i was cis, i wish i was cis, i know i am deep down but i can't take it anymore, my identity isn't special, I'M NOT DIFFERENT, I'M JUST A WOMAN, it's not liberating or revolutionary or empowering or an act or a goal or an enjoyable "change" i didn't change anything

i wish i was cis

[timdrakescaffeinesupplier]

FUCKKKK i actually have abs now and am not skin and bones and im trying to be proud of that and like look in the mirror and be like "woah dude" but it's so hard to do that WHEN MY YGFHS ARE RIGHT THERE I CANT FLEX IN THE MIRROR LIKE THE TEENAGE BOY I AM/SHOULD BE BECAUSE OF THESE STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS I WANT TO TAKE A PAIR OF SHEARS AND JUST

[womp-womp-imma-phantom]

Being trans is fun and all but dysphoria is a bitch, and im not talking vocal dysphoria or chest dysphoria. My dysphoria is wishing I could experience a blowjob, sticking my dik in random things, or watching it float in the bathtub.

[sup3r-secret-lost-and-f0und]

I have two wolves in me the first: wants to pass as a guy no matter the sacrifices. If i have to lose all sense of self to be seen as a man I will.

The second, wants to dress like a male wood nymph and wear makeup and look like a pretty dude. This part doesn't care how others perceive him as long as he's happy because he knows who he is.

The first will continue to win till I can finally start t and pass regardless of what I'm wearing. When I can speak and people don't immediately clock me. When I can just be perceived as a man without the asterisk of being a trans man. While it's so important to have visible out and proud trans people in the current climate we live in it's so hard to be proud when it hurts to be you.

On a completely unrelated note I got new earrings they're so cute i can't wait to wear them...

[thegirlmirage]

I need to take my own advice about transition. You have to believe what you want is possible and you have to give yourself permission. I'm stuck in this weird jealousy mode where it just seems like everyone else instantly transitioned into a perfect girl.

The internet doesn't help because of how people are filtered out or celebrated - going to where queers are in real life helps a lot for dismissing this feeling.

I come from a family with bulky bones and big faces. I don't think I will ever be skinny and I used to be fine with that. I'm struggling a lot with voice training and it seems like either people just don't do it, or somehow manage to do it perfectly in a very short time.

I want to transition to a point where I can relax. Where I don't have to think about what my voice is doing or where my hair is settling or what my face looks like. I want to just rest as a girl and nobody can say otherwise.

People have praised me for being "so out about being trans" but I'm really not, I'm just that clockable.

[in-love-with-writing002]

A fun little thing about being AFAB non-binary and having dysphoria today:

I use she/her and they/them pronouns. I’ve just never felt connected to he/him pronouns. Anyway, Sometimes there are days that I feel perfectly normal, and when people use she/her pronouns I don’t feel any discomfort. There are also some days where I throw on my binder, and those are the days I feel most comfortable with they/them pronouns.

But sometimes, on days like today, it takes so freaking long to figure out why my clothes feel uncomfortable— I’m wearing shorts that I like, a shirt that feels comfortable, I put my hair up, and for some reason it just feels wrong.

And I thought maybe it was just an ADHD thing, not quite being able to figure out what was making me uncomfortable, not sure what’s wrong until my girlfriend asked me “is it just a more masculine day?” And it clicked that it was dysphoria.

[seahorses-of-gold]

Hey, trans people with dysphoria: how do you learn to trust your bodies?

Like... I know my dysphoria links in with me not trusting my body to function in a safe, correct, healthy way. Because to me, some of those functions are wrong.

I've been on medication for almost 20 years, when it was only meant to be short term because of the side effects it can cause to heart health & blood pressure & circulation. I've wanted off of it for years. But idk what my system is like without it. So I don't trust the medication, but I trust my body even less.

I'm learning to trust my muscles & joints to support me without falling apart, due to physical therapy. But it's a very slow process, and I know I tend to back track every few steps forward.

How do you trust your body to function & to be healthy & to work, when your dysphoria has very deep roots which interact with it?

[goblingirlpicnic]

Update: I LOVE MY TRAMP STAMP (but my dysphoria keeps telling me I have the wrong body for it )

So I just got my tramp stamp that I’ve wanted since I was 16. The artist was amazing and the design is exactly what I wanted. It’s healing great and looks perfect.

But every day I’ve been getting hit with the dread. My brain will go into panic mode and will try to freak out and tell me that my body is too boxy or I don’t have any hips to pull it off or that I’m just too fat. And like I have friends consoling me telling me it looks great on me and I do love it on myself, I just keep getting this fear that it looks gross on me or more so that I look gross.