@jeggyverses-jegulus-microfic - 9. Phobia - word count: 377
cw: internalised transphobia
Regulus stares at the mirror before him, his eyes drawn to the crescent-shaped scars on his chest. They're hideous. He's hideous. The sight of them makes his skin crawl. Before, his chest had felt like something foreign — a body he had been forced to borrow — now jagged scars were all that remained. Reminders of all that he has left behind. It makes him wonder if it was a mistake — if he should have done this. Would it have been better if he had stayed her?
When he was still her, he had been sure of a future — a future filled with respect and certainty. He had a family that held status, wealth, and influence within the wizarding world, but by choosing to be him, he had lost all that. Sure, the Black family wasn't a place filled with love, but it had been a stable place to live.
He remembers binding until he could no longer breathe, remembers avoiding mirrors and flinching upon seeing his own reflection. He remembers the pain, the fear, the wrongness of it all, and yet there is still some traitorous part of him that wonders if his mother had been right after all. That there really is something wrong with him.
He couldn't have stayed her. The thought alone makes him want to tear his skin off. But standing in front of the mirror, fingers tracing the pale, rigid scars on his chest, he can't help but wonder if it was all worth it.
Was being him worth losing all he has ever known?
“Hey love,” comes the soft voice of James. He's leaning in the doorway, eyes focused on Regulus. Regulus looks at him through the mirror.
“Hey,” his voice is quieter than he wants it to be.
James lifts himself off the doorway and makes his way across the room until he's standing behind Regulus. They meet each other's eyes in the mirror.
Without a word, James takes his shirt off and holds it out.
Regulus stares at the red fabric.
“I don't want your pity.”
“Good thing that's not what I'm offering.”
After a long moment, Regulus finally takes the shirt and slowly leans back into James's embrace.
“One step at a time,” he whispers softly into Regulus's ear.
