hello, minor/child on the internet.
this is your periodic reminder that an unrelated adult online calling you “my child,” “my son,” “my daughter,” or calling themselves your “internet parent,” or otherwise trying to position themselves as your parental figure is very often not your friend.
yes, absolutely sometimes people use affectionate language casually. sometimes it is harmless. nuance exists believe me i understand, especially as someone who knee jerk calls basically everyone ~10 years younger than me 'kiddo' jokingly like I really i really get it, i do.
but minors need to understand that there are also many, many, adults who deliberately use that language because it creates trust fast.
because it lowers your guard.
becase it makes them seem safe, nurturing, protective, wise, harmless.
it can make criticism of them feel like criticism of a beloved caregiver. it can make your discomfort feel like “being ungrateful.” it could make boundaries harder to enforce because now the relationship has been framed as care rather than control. that is why some adults do it.
realistically, an emotionally and socially healthy adult simply does not need random minors online to emotionally adopt, in the same way that an emotionally and socially healthy adult doesn't need to be flirting with/dating 18-19 year olds.
a emotionally and socially healthy adult does not need teenagers seeing them as mom, dad, parent, guardian, or savior.
an emotionally and socially healthy adult understands there is a power imbalance there and keeps appropriate distance.
if an adult you do not know starts trying to become your “internet parent,” pplease please please go over the following with yourself in your brain;
why do they want this role so badly? why are they seeking emotional authority over kids they do not know? why do they need strangers young enough to be that kind of vulnerable to view them as family?
those are important questions.
this is not saying every older person who is kind to you has evil intentions. adults can be supportive, encouraging, and helpful without trying to become your parent or without positioning themselves as your caregiver or someone you should be dependent on even 'jokingly'
safe adults do not need to manufacture fake familial intimacy to care about your wellbeing.
they can give advice without claiming you.
they can be kind without creating dependency.
they can support you without encouraging emotional enmeshment.
if an adult gets upset when you pull back, set boundaries, stop using family titles, ask them to stop using family titles, or start treating them like just another person online, that is information you should internalize, and it isn't your fault.
if they guilt trip you with “after everything i’ve done for you,” that is bad.
if they encourage secrecy, exclusivity, or “you can always come to me instead of people your age,” that is bad.
if they seem to collect minors around them like accessories, that is extremely bad.
you do not owe any adult online access to you because they were nice.
you do not owe anyone family language because they helped you or becuase you are friends..
sometimes “internet mom/dad” is a joke.
sometimes it is a red flag.
please learn the difference early.
