What do you think Bellamy meant in his psychosis when he said to Clarke, “How many times have you tried to kill me now? This time you die, not me!” I don’t think she’s ever really tried to kill him? She *did* leave him to die in fighting pits. That could be what he’s referencing, though she tried to make it right. But that’s still not more than once, like he’s implying. Could he maybe also be referring to when she died in Praimfaya and how he felt, loosing her after leaving *her* behind to die?
okay, because it’s not logical, you have stop trying to reason it through into making sense. it’s separated from reality because it’s a psychosis.
so what’s happening is it’s feeding on his irrational fears, desires, emotions, pains, wounds.
Reality: She had not tried to kill him. Closest is leaving him to O’s pit. And that was once. Murphy did try to kill him. Hanging. Octavia beat him badly and told him she wanted him to die, then sent Echo on a suicide mission, and sentenced Clarke to execution and him to the fighting pit. Echo well she didn’t try to kill Bellamy but she tried to kill Clarke a couple of times and did kill Octavia once and did actually have to do with killing Gina. Raven’s safe she never tried to kill anyone oh wait. She tried to kill Murphy. Oh she closed the door on Clarke so she killed Clarke too. Emori’s safe. She didn’t try to kill anyone.
Reality: She DID die. For six years. She died for them, for him. She tends to sacrifice herself for them, and refuse to sacrifice him... although not always.
So now we have to look at the statement slantwise. First we have all the times his beloved spacekru fam and his sister have tried to actively kill him or the rest of his fam. Has he had these things on his mind? Is he talking, not just of Clarke, but of all his people? His lifetime of fighting to survive in hostile environment. Maybe.
But let’s consider all the times Clarke’s actions might have put him in physical danger. Refusing to take off the wristband so Jaha would come down and kill him (but she got jaha to pardon him.) That whole blaming murphy for well’s murder leading to M’s hanging then B’s revenge hanging. Also she let M back in to give everyone the plague and then to hang B, (but canon he said that he hanged M not C.) Closing the dropship door on B, (already said she had to do it.) Sending him into the mountain because it was worth the risk, (it was canonically HIS idea not hers and he didn’t need her permission.) leaving him at Camp Jaha (you left me. not physical danger but emotional pain, abandonment, rejection.) At the summit (when he came to save her and she told him no when he neded her, leaving him to the mercy of Pike and Lxa’s warriors.) Hakeldama argument, (she shockbatoned him and left him to be under Lxa’s death sentence.) Hmm all of season 4 was actually her trying to save him until...she pulled a gun on him at the bunker entrance (she didn’t do it, but I think the betrayal of pulling it was very large.) Then leaving him in the fighting pit. Which is the most recent, and the closest to trying to kill him and maybe brought up all the other pains where she didn’t really.
The “try to kill” maybe conflated with causing emotional pain, rejection and betrayal.
This time you die not me, is actually the most interesting, because despite all those times she might have caused him pain, he never died. And in the attempt to save him, she actually did die (to him anyway.) And yes. I do wonder if he felt her death as a kind of death for himself. Grief can be like that, when you lose a relationship that was so intrinsic, you lose a part of yourself a part of yourself dies.
There’s no way to give a definitive answer on this because it’s an altered reality, non logical, and probably has elements of EVERYTHING you can think of in there. Whether they are true or not. Feelings more important than logic or reality.
It’s like Bellamy’s fanon nightmare interpretation of his own life, totally biased, non canon, fixated on his own trauma and emotional damage and a bad way to understand the real relationship with Clarke.
