Its difficult to think about the full logistics of everything that happened to me, and how it could have gone. In nearly every ending, it goes poorly for me, leaving me desperate. A majority of the time I can meet anyone else from three houses, they will still think of me as some villain.
That I can manage. The odds being poor is something I can accept, as I remember doing quite well. The thing that stings me now, even with everything I wanted. My situation was still likely doomed. I doubt I would have lived come 8 years after the events then given how my health was. Once that time came, there are few that would make any sort of good successor that could understand any of my ideals. Hubert as reliable as he was, could not be any sort of ideologue. Lysithea was the one woman I felt I could trust to stand up to me whenever I felt I was doing something wrong, and her health was about the same as mine. Hanneman could share principles, but hes no governor. Its just the professor, then she will be in the same boat as I was for succession, only with the weight of whatever grief now. Even then, I never knew how much she thought about any of the politics of it. I could never tell how much she cared for the cause compared to caring for me. It was an uphill battle from the start. I am starting to see it for a sheer cliff. I wish I could focus more on the happier memories and the good times. I feel like I make poor company to most of the kind people who remember me. Its a struggle to maintain any optimism now that its not a mandate to keep up morale. But now I'm just trying to enjoy a more daily life here, and I dont know what to do with any of these thoughts.
-Edelgard
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