Jul 7, 2019
Judge: What do you plead?
Tod: *Looks over at Septimus*
Septimus: *Mouths 'not guilty'*
Tod: Hot milky.
Septimus: JUST LOCK HER UP ALREADY.
seen from United States
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Judge: What do you plead?
Tod: *Looks over at Septimus*
Septimus: *Mouths 'not guilty'*
Tod: Hot milky.
Septimus: JUST LOCK HER UP ALREADY.
In Magyk like...
Aunt Zelda: Man, the swamp is beautiful today. I love Mother Nature!
Marcia, out of breath: MOTHER NATURE'S A WHORE.
Hotep Ra: I’ll be there tonight as the sun has cast its last shadow upon the Earth and the crescent moon is risen above the eastern ridge.
Septimus: So... like nine o'clock?
Hotep Ra: *sighs* Yes, Septimus, I'll be there at nine.
Self-Talk is Your Ticket to Mental Clarity:
Talking to yourself within the privacy of your mind is the primary way you can change your mood and thinking. Constructive self-talk brings you emotional strength and makes it impossible to disconnect from yourself.
1. When you feel blamed for not doing enough...
I haven’t done anything wrong. I can listen, but I won’t accept guilt.
I’m not bad, and this isn’t all about me.
It’s not my fault they’re disappointed. Their expectations were truly out of line.
This will blow over, even if they’re acting like nothing will ever be right again.
They expect more than I can give. I would never be able to do all that nor would I want to. What they want me to do would stress and debilitate me.
2. When someone loses emotional control...
It’s not my fault that they can’t manage their emotions.
They’re upset, but I’m still okay. The world is still turning.
They’re doing their wrath-of-God act, but that doesn’t mean they’re right about this.
Someone being upset doesn’t mean I have to let them dominate me.
What they’re saying is an overwrought exaggeration.
They’re trying to convince me this incident is the end of the world. It simply isn’t.
3. When someone tries to dominate you and control your thinking...
My needs are just as legitimate and important as theirs. As adults, we’re coequals.
My life doesn’t belong to them. I can disagree.
I choose my loyalties, they don’t get to claim my primary loyalty.
My worth is not defined by how they feel towards me.
These are just their opinions; they don’t own me.
(Source: Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson)
How to Protect Your Right to Your Inner World:
People have the right to have their inner experiences treated with respect. Human rights defend people’s rights to feel valuable and good inside, not just safe on the outside.
Response #1: Claim Your Right to Ignore Them
Sometimes not responding is the best way of responding.
Response #2: Suggest Other Ways to Connect
“I think you’re trying to connect with me. Do you have some real questions about X?”
Response #3: Use Questions to Block Their Disrespect
“Now what exactly are you saying?”
“Could you tell me what you mean?”
“I’m not sure I understand. Could you say it another way?”
“Huh... I guess that seemed funny to you, but it didn’t feel very good.”
“Okay, I’ll think about that. Maybe you didn’t intend to make me feel bad.”
Response #4: Deflect Instead of Reacting
Deflecting derails an unpleasant interaction by changing the tone. For instance, if someone tries to make you feel guilty or dominates you, you can respond as if they had said something positive.
Response #5: Roll Past Their Envious Putdowns
Respond with equanimity and humor. Hold on to your happiness, “yep, that’s me!”
Response #6: Defend Your Right to Be Sensitive
“Sure, what would be another way to take it?”
“Let me understand. You don’t want me to take what you said to me personally?”
“Actually, I’m just sensitive enough.”
“If I can’t share my feelings with you, then I guess I’ve misunderstood the nature of our relationship.”
“Actually, I think mine was a fair reaction.”
Response #7: Claim Your Right to Think Things Through
“I’ll have to think about that.”
“What did it seem I was overthinking about?”
“Nope, I think just the right amount for me.”
“Well, I only think as much as I need to.”
“Thinking pays off for me.”
Response #8: Defend Your Right to Be Upset
For example, if you’re worried about your finances, they might tell you to remember how lucky you are to have a job. This rationalizing does nothing but invalidate your feelings. Your response can be something like, “I am grateful to have a job, but my financial problem is still there. It helps to talk this over with you. Is that okay with you?”
Response #9: Defend the Legitimacy of Your Problems
“I appreciate the life I have; I know others have it much worse. However, this is the problem I’m in the middle of right now. Would you rather I didn’t tell you about it?”
Response #10: Validate Your Right to Feel the Way You Do
“I don’t see why I can’t have all my feelings about this.”
“I’ll probably feel better later, but it makes sense that I would be upset right now.”
“Are you saying most people wouldn’t be upset by this?”
What Does Self-Love Look Like For You?
Can you acknowledge that you messed up without telling yourself you’re a mess?
Can you practice regret without falling into an abyss?
Can you take responsibility without blaming yourself?
Can you apologize for a mistake instead of hoping everyone will just move on?
Can you acknowledge a time when you could have been a better leader in your own life?
Can you release yourself from the shame of having not responded sooner to someone so that you can finally reach out?
Can you accept that you will be okay even if someone who hurt you—a parent, former partner, friend, or stranger—never acknowledges the pain they caused?
Can you let someone treat you for a coffee, dinner, or movie without feeling guilty?
Can you accept help from another without jumping to the conclusion that they want something from you?
Can you hold your point of view without being validated for it?
— Esther Perel, The Myth of Self-Love
Where did we get the idea that we have to learn how to love all on our own? In order to love ourselves, we must allow ourselves to be loved by others. It can be wonderful to be alone, to give our body a massage, to cook ourselves a delicious meal for one, but this isn’t self-love, it’s self-reliance and self-sufficiency. Self-love, on the other hand, is our ability to see ourselves as a flawed individual and still hold ourselves in high regard. Self-love is the ability to not fall into a puddle of contempt even when we mess up. It’s trying new things knowing that we could fail, without thinking of ourselves, therefore, as failures. Can we take that understanding and self-compassion into our connections with others? Self-love is less about the ability to withstand loneliness or establish independence and more about awareness and acceptance of our incompleteness. It’s about letting others love us even when we feel unlovable because their version of us is often kinder than our own.
Esther Perel, The Myth of Self-Love
Jenna: Help me with this crossword puzzle. I need a eight letter word for "Trouble".
Beetle: "Septimus".
Septimus: ...
Jenna: It fits!