#edtny

[eclecticartisanballoon]

I admit to edtny on friday! Just got to fill out some extra paper work but everything else is good to go!

[eclecticartisanballoon]

I think latuda is lifting my depression! I really don’t feel that bad! I also don’t feel nauseated. I want to stay in a bubble but that’s mostly from the cold. I also am super anticipatory about starting edtny again.

[surfcollective]

Friday night vibes ✨👌🏼 Link in bio for more goodness 💯 📷: @edtn #surfcollective #surfcollectivenyc #edtn #edtny #fridaynightvibes #lazynights #feels

[herchainsaregone]

hey! how was php at monte nido? hope you're having a great day! thank you so much :)

Hey! It was alright. tbh I’m really jaded towards ED treatment because I don’t think any treatment center has really helped me much recovery-wise, so idk if I’m the best person to ask. I mean I think it is a good program if you’re ready for it. I know monte nido has helped a lot of people. I hope you’re having a great day too! :)

[herchainsaregone]

does edtny make you do your life map again if you come from the residential?

yeah they do but I mean I basically just copied my old one and shared that :)

[herchainsaregone]

How do you like Monte Nido? I might be starting PHP in the city soon and am terrified. I know that's a broad question, but any info about the place would be helpful.

As far as outpatient programs go I think it’s a good one, probably the best in the city. It has its problems like any treatment center but ultimately they run a good program and it was was helpful. What kind of info did you want to know about it? Would it be helpful if I did a review? 

[herchainsaregone]

You are so lucky to be getting free treatment. Monte nido expensive!

LOL well it's not quite free. My insurance company is covering it (and I still have the $2557 out of pocket charge) But I would agree I am getting a pretty good deal! Can't say that's making me more excited about it though...

[herchainsaregone]

A Letter to My Mother

This was an assignment I did for treatment. I think it's kind of lame but everyone in group at Monte Nido was like, "omg it's soo good," so I thought I'd share it ;) lolll

Dear Mom,

There are so many things I’ve said to you I wish I could take back and so many things I wish I had the courage to say to you. If it weren’t for my pride, I would tell you how sorry I am for all of the pain and suffering I’ve caused you. I would tell you that I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you, even when I was sure I did. I don’t want you to get out of my life. I know perfectly well that I could never have survived this long if you were not here.

I know our relationship has been a difficult one, and I’ll admit, for a long time, I blamed you for that. After all, you were the one who turned every conversation we had into a screaming match. Your unpredictable temper made me dread spending any time with you. Did you think that if you screamed loud enough, your voice could chase my demons out of me?

Like a sculptor with a lump of soft clay, you tried to mold me to be the best of the best. You thought that you could poke and prod away at any imperfections and flaws until I was the perfect daughter you wanted me to be. I felt like I was suffocating all of those years I lived at home with you, and it wasn’t until I went away to school in New York that I was finally able to come up for fresh air.

I know now that it wasn’t all your fault, though. Just as you resented me for not being the daughter you wanted, I was the one who resented you for not being the perfect mother I wanted. I took advantage of your unconditional love for me and used you as an easy target for my frustration and hopelessness. Not once did you give up on me, though.

From the day I was born, you have put me before yourself. You left behind everything you knew so that I could have the world at my feet. You worked tirelessly so I would have the opportunity to chase my dreams. You have stood by my side even when those dreams were so far away they seemed like they were from a different lifetime. I’ve never thanked you for this, not because I’m unappreciative or ungrateful, but because I know that there are no words that would ever be enough. The only thing that would ever be enough for you is for me to get better and live a long, successful, happy life free of an eating disorder. I promise that I will give you that or I will die trying, but until then, thank you and I love you.

Sarah