My GOD I’m so useless. No matter how proud I am of something, if it goes unpraised then I’ll despise it. This is why I can’t ever show anyone anything no matter how thirsty I am for ego. If I wind up feeling disappointed, I might never get anything done. I hate this brain of mine. And I hate everyone. I genuinely don’t get it. Do I somehow sound too proud when I ask for some sort of reassurance? Why do they deny me the right to feel accomplished. They’ve always done this. I don’t understand. I bet if it were anyone else, they would shower them in hails and praises. It’s exactly why I’m so awful at everything that it goes ignored. It’s always when I feel proud. It almost feels on purpose. I can’t help but think they want to crush me down because they don’t want me to get better and they seethe in envy. But I also feel like they don’t give it a first or second thought. Either way, I feel awful. I feel so awful. I disgust myself so why do I love myself so much. I should be okay being treated like nothing. But I’m not. I hate my humanity
