study sessions.
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“Jaesun are you listening?” it’s asked the fourth time today but who’s counting. the irony of this is that if he were listening when it was asked of him he probably wouldn’t be in this situation. the situation being the two of them huddled at his desk, haeri sitting to the front and hovering over his English homework and him comfortably beside her, chin on her shoulder and arms around her waist.
it took an awful lot of persuading for him to convince his mother he could study with her in his room. most of the persuading was haeri promptly showing his mom how effective her tactics were when he got too handsy. he was surprised she even let him keep the position he was in now. he was content though, arms tightening around so he could pull himself closer to her voice and her warmth. it’s nice. jaesun doesn’t spend much time in his room and he barely ever uses his desk but it’s nice now. she takes up a presence all her own, haeri that is, but he finds that the room is so much bigger with both of them. he’s reminded of his tunnel vision, his sole focus on everything that she is,
“jaesun” and not his homework.
“hm?” that earns him a scowl. well before it earned him a scowl and now the scowl has her whipped her head in his direction. he’d make a comment about how nice she smells today but he sinks his nose into her shoulder after seeing he might just get scolded.
“this is serious, you need to pass this test. i’m taking time out of my schedule, i’m a good student and i’m putting off studies to teach you and you’re not even paying attention to me. did you even hear what I said?” he has a couple more comments in mind, about how he can’t possibly focus on what she’s saying when he’s more focused on how she sounds saying it. how the words, sharp and clear as they are go straight to his heart and honestly it’s cruel to have such perfect aim. as if the sounds weren’t painful enough, her lips were a sin. jaesun had no problem admitting that he’d spent half the time watching her lips move while she read. he could be thinking about stealing a kiss but he could just be thinking about how they’ve got him wrapped around her very will. that’s another story entirely.
it’s actually funny that everyone believed allowing her to tutor him was a better prospect than a hired tutor or school tutors. for one, all the offers he got were girls that haeri didn’t say she disapproved of but he could see that wrinkle in his nose whenever they offered their services. then the tutors hired by the coaches just wanted him to cruise so he could play. the ones hired by his mom were too dull, he couldn’t connect. so after months of separation and failed tutors she took to helping him on her own and he should be thankful, he should try but here he is blanking out for the fifth time since they started.
it’s wednesday. wednesdays are always good because he doesn’t have practice and can slack off. wednesdays usually mean a warm-up the next day for a game on friday. wednesdays mean a break, wednesdays mean hanging with haeri doing whatever they’re in the mood for. wednesdays meant she had short lessons and could sprint over after and hang as long as they wanted. wednesdays sometimes meant haeri in a skirt if he was lucky ( he never was ). it’s wednesday and he has to spend it staring at an english textbook. or maybe it was a reading assignment. he didn’t know. sue him.
“jaesun.” okay she’s irritated.
“yes babe.” negative.
“if you’re not taking this seriously I can leave.” that’s the magic phrase. his arms tighten the minute she moves to close the book and his face is buried in her side.
“no no no I’ll study. I’ll listen! Don’t leave. I won’t get to see you tomorrow at all, after practice we have game tactic reviews and then coach is making me do a review session for this test and then friday is the game. I won’t see you until after the game, don’t leave please this book will eat me alive.” it’s a lot. it’s the most he’s talked all day, it has some immature desperation in it but it also ah truth. it is effective though. she’s quiet but she’s not moving either.
see prior to this arrangement his coaches had thought that haeri’s appearance during midterms had been something of a problem. jaesun protested. his teacher stating he was always late to class after saying bye to her didn’t help. so what if he wanted to sneak in a few kisses? it’d go faster if she actually let him land one. his teammates counting how many times a ball hit him in early practices because he was daydreaming didn’t help. snitches. have they seen haeri? imagine thinking about her? it’s impossible to stay focused, proven fact. okay so maybe he did have an issue remaining focused around her but the two month probation during midterms cram month was unnecessary. they doubled his practices and study sessions to where he saw her maybe once a week, three times every two weeks. it......didn’t end well. regardless a compromise had to be made and his schedule loosened up and they found a more reliable tutor, haeri herself.
“I don’t want you failing because of me.” it’s a little quiet but he makes it out and it makes him lift his nose from it’s place. he knows that tone, he knows that slight tremble and he panics.
“haeri----------” too late. the minute she looks at him he’s sunk, finished.
waterworks in three, two.
“you’re not taking this seriously! what’s going to happen if you don’t pay attention and you don’t pass this test? You’v’e got one more test to pass or you fail. You fail. And then if you don’t they’re going to think I can’t tutor you and they’re going to pack your schedule again and I won’t see you for a month, a month jaesun do you understand how long a month is? Maybe until finals. And what if you don’t pass finals with those shitty teachers you’re not passing this class? Then what happens? Summer school? Oh my god if you go to summer school plus that stupid summer job you’re probably going to get. who knows when I see you kwon jaesun I am not spending summer without you you still have to buy me lots of patbingsu like you promised. and how do you think mom’d feel about me dating a kid going to summer school not that I care but c’mon make things easy for yourself. why is it so hard for you to just focus on this?” one.
so, it’s a lot to take in.it’s even harder to hold her while she’s going at it right in his face, tears streaming down and words coming out half cracked but fully coherent. jaesun can’t tell if she’s mad, worried, frustrated or just all in all tired of him. a combination of all he decides. it’s met with him giving quiet affirmations to the words and questions spewed his way, small shushes and attempts to calm her down because once she starts, well let’s just say he’d prefer her calm before he continued.
“okay okay I get it----” he starts. “no you don’t.” she stops. “I do.” he fires. “you don’t!” she snaps.
they settle. he won’t look at her, she’s still got a face wet, tears drying probably from the anger she’s facing. he doesn’t blame her. “It’s not that easy.” she sighs, and jaesun can hear her get ready to go at it again so his hold tightens. “no listen,” his voice is small and maybe that’s what makes her stop. “it’s hard. reading and shit? it’s never made sense, I had to do math a lot as a kid so that’s cool but reading? never needed it. can’t focus on it either. ma didn’t have time to teach it so, I didn’t spend time on it. it’s too much, too jumbled, impersonal and personal? doesn’t make sense. and then----” he gets quieter, she gets closer. that could be a matter of perception but he doesn’t stop.
“school’s a lot? nothing really makes sense but the court and math stuff? then you show up and shit nothing makes sense. but it’s clear? and it’s easy. and then you’re here and you’re reading and it’s going in and not sitting around, it’s moving? i’m listening and processing but I don’t wanna break it with my words and shit you know? Wanna keep it the way you say it and how it sounds, not broken and stuff.” he shrugs. “I’m listening I promise, it’s just kinda hard, I’m still shocked that it’s coming into focus and it’s because of you you know? I’m sorry.” he tugs at his lip with his teeth, still not facing, still not believing he said anything at all. he’s even let go so his hands can try and convey what his lips can’t.
she’s quiet and he’s nervous. he’s quiet and he doesn’t mind.
“you idiot.”
“hey, nice words.” he almost thinks it’s a bad dream, that he spaced out so much he started dreaming and he’ll wake up and all these things will remain sealed. so his face lightens up on default and he’s ready to joke around but he looks at her and the words stop as soon as they leave. she’s crying again, fresh tears, fresh emotions, fresh perspective maybe? “shit shit shit why are you crying-------” it’s almost like he doesn’t remember his own words, like he doesn’t feel like his chest is leaking and he’s opened his heart to her.
it’s an awkward position, her sitting like that, turned to look at hm, him freaking out and trying to wipe the tears that keep flowing. it’s even more awkward when she goes,
“you get a kiss.”
“......pardon me?”
she pulls herself together just like that, sniffles a few more times and wipes the stray tears too.
“when you answer a question right? you get a kiss. read a passage right? explain a literary device right? come on this is an elementary reward system jaesun keep up.” and it’s really like he’s not sitting there naked before her. she does this on purpose and haeri’s always been sensible like that. awkward but sensible in how she can tell he doesn’t do this open and she’ll ignore the wounds for his sake.
“I get a kiss?” “Think of it as motivation.” jaesun’s honestly a little surprised. relieved but surprised at her bounce back, recovery, his recovery as well though his hear’ts still pounding and his mind’s still jumbled he thinks he can move away from it for a bit. haeri, being the saint that she is doesn’t make it easy for him because the moment he’s smiling is the moment her lips connect with his.
maybe it was meant to be quick, it started as a peck and she’s pulling away because he’s pulling her back. see she can do a good job of looking the other way when he’s leaking like this, letting parts of him seep out and catching them without a second though, catching and holding them for when she knows he’s ready to actually spill. and jaesun only knows how to spill into other ways, words aren’t one of them. like always, she accepts whatever he gives her, takes it and runs with it just as she falls back into the kiss the minute he presses forward, just as she turns around to face him completely and her back presses against the desk, textbook or whatever the hell forgotten.
he’s kissing her to say he’s listening. to say thank you and she’s kissing him to say she understands, and that she’ll take and she is taking everything he dishes out. the short breaths, the hands in hers and in her shirt and everywhere. she gives in easily and he knows next time it won’t be that easy so he takes what he can get and she only pulls away when a small noise starts to escape her throat.
he’s grinning, that dumb grin when he’s lost all breath in his lungs and he can’t open his lips because he’ll choke and he’ll only want her air again. the kind of grin that gets him smacked during class and his ears red. the kind of grin that she noticed across the cafeteria and asked what was that dumb look for. the kind of grin that got him in this mess in the first place. she’s no different though and that’s what makes it worth it.
“see, a kiss for every answer.” it’s forced ad it almost makes him laugh when she coughs and turns to face the book again, his arms wrapping back around her waist. “what was the question?” she clears her throat again, a signal for him to move his lips from being buried in her neck, and he does. “why is it so hard for you to focus on this?”
he doesn’t say anything for a few moments, and it’s probably not necessary. if haeri is anything she’s a genius. she’s quiet again flipping to find the page they left out on and he can almost see the grin on her face.
“Next.”
