my heart's been borrowed, yours has been blue | ekko x southeast-asian!reader
inspired by "lover" by taylor swift
pairing: ekko x southeast asian!reader
summary: the three times he wanted to kiss you, the one time he dreamt of it, and the one time he did.
word count: 3244
tags: southeast-asian reader (i had them being indonesian in mind), tooth-rotting fluff, lots of yearning and pining, reader & ekko being oblivious, cursing, gender neutral reader
author's note: i've been thinking about doing more reader inserts with a southeast-asian!reader in mind. i try to be more vague with descriptions but if anyone wants to read reader inserts w specific features, let me know! i fell in love w ekko, took this chance & wrote this! this is set after ep3, during ep4 and so on. (i will edit this later but blegh have fun w this unedited mess!)
additional notes: nastar (or known as pineapple tart) is a commonly known southeast-asian pineapple covered and filled bite sized cookies. usually i'd receive this during ramadhan or whenever my aunt makes them and send it over to us. one of my fav cookies of all time!
available on ao3!
i.
The earliest recollection of any how Ekko's feelings were formed was whenever you were close to him. Close enough for him to feel your warm breath sending shivers down his skin, striking heat to his head. All over the place.
His heart would pound in these moments.
But he had touched you before, you to him. Many times before. You've held hands. You've both held each other close. Even at night, sometimes you'd rest on his arm or him on your chest.
It's just... there's something about the distance you both had that really got to him. When your face would only be inches away from his.
"You still have paint on your nose." You commented, the tip of your nose nearly touching his.
He stutters, "Yeah? Uh, probably forgot to wipe that pa- What are you doing?"
Your one hand tilt his chin up, the other reaching down to grab the cloth he'd used.
"What? Wiping it off for you, silly. Now stop moving." You laugh at his stunned expression. You pressed the cloth over the paint gently almost, but his head's ringing.
His throat suddenly dry, heart catastrophically trying to break through its cage, and he could physically feel his hands squirming.
Ekko couldn't help but look closely at your face. The depth of your eyes always have this sparkling quality in them that you seem to reserve for him. But maybe that's wishful thinking.
He does feel a little lightheaded.
Maybe that's been messing with his head.
"There," You say to him almost like a whisper. You pause, leaning closer. At this point, Ekko would be surprised if his heart hadn't taken a leap out of his body through his throat. He tries to lean closer, but..
…you hold back.
"That's all done. Should've cleaned it better next time." You make an aimless comment, now shifting your gaze away. Not even a glance at him.
"Right."
-
ii.
The second time's when their very first raid as the Firelights was successful.
Cheers and shouts filled the air that night at the base with everyone carrying Ekko over their shoulders, chanting their leader's name.
The biggest smile he could feel it in his aching cheeks. The fight may not be over yet, but it was a big step to fight against the darkness that has overshadowed the undercity. His home. Their home.
Every member reaches out to him, offering congratulatory pats. Everyone, but you. His eyes scour through the crowd, trying to find your figure but to not avail.
Ekko slips through the crowd, slipping away to his space. Surprised with a sense of relief, he smells something familiar. You in the kitchen area.
"...What the hell? This doesn't look right."
He sneaks in, observing your distraught figure from a distance. You're facing a large, pile of dough. Some bite-sized, some unusually bulky. Your hands covered in both dough and flour, but with the visible scowl you don't seem to notice some of it had land itself on your chin.
"They look good." He starts to speak. You scoff, playfully.
"Could've been better. I can feel my mom's shaking in her grave at me doing this all wrong."
"What did you get wrong?"
You heh'd. "...Dunno. I kinda... eyeballed everything."
Ekko simply stares at you. One brow raised.
"Okay, I know, I know what you're thinking. Last time eyeballed during cooking, it didn't go so well."
"No, it did not go very well, at all, no..."
"Right. Exactly."
"...'Cause you nearly burnt the whole kitchen down."
You throw your head back and groan. "You're never gonna let it die down, huh?"
"Nope." He popped. "But hey this one looks decent. I mean, what are they anyway?"
You go silent for a moment, while grabbing a brush and dipping it into a bowl of golden-like liquid. A sweet smell radiating from it.
"Cookies my mom used to make. It's called Nastar. They're like," Your hand gestures into a curling ball. "I guess, pineapple tart thing-y. Because the 'nas' is from nanas which means pineapple. And 'tar' from tart and so-"
"Nastar. Yeah, I figured." Ekko smiles at the way you fumble through your words at the end.
"Sure you did. Smartass." You comment, earning a nudge from him. You faked a grunting pain. To that Ekko laughs.
"God." Your eyes go wide. "I forgot to ask. How'd the mission go? You're back in one piece, so I'm assuming...?"
"It was..." He sigh exasperated until a grin appears. "...one hell of a successful raid."
"Yeah?! Holy shit!" You're beaming. Like the sun, almost. But before Ekko could even comprehend anything, you charge towards him with a tight hug. Instinctively, he hugs you back.
Arms wrapped neatly around your waist and the two of you laughing through the euphoric feeling. The grip tightens. All he wants to do, in that moment, is to simply drown himself in your warmth. It just... feels right.
When you pull back, he still has his grip on your waist. So the distance between the two of you are only few inches away. His heart's about to sorta explore right then and there.
Your eyes shift from his eyes and down to his-
"Hey! Ekko! Are you there?!"
In a snap, the two of you part ways. Oh my god. Ekko coughs, feeling the slight trembling on the tip of his fingers. Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck.
"I think, uh, you should celebrate with the others. I'll finish up here."
His mouth opens, but nothing comes out of it. Ekko only stares at the back of your head. You avoiding his gaze. All while the children came in to surround him, tugging at his shirt.
Then he left.
You only turn as he left the room. You wondered to yourself with the heat simmering under your cheeks. Since when did it get so hot in here?
-
iii.
On days with no missions, Ekko, you along with the other adults would spend them doing chores around the base. Sometimes the older children would the two of you when you'd need some extra hands.
When he was younger, Ekko hated days like this. He dreaded having to do house chores at Benzo's workshop, let alone at his own home when his parents wouldn't come home for days. However with how hectic things can be now, it's the only few quiet times he can enjoy.
"If you're done dozing off, maybe you can help me take these down?"
Ekko grins at your mildly annoyed expression, before making his way and grabbing one of the basket. The two of you are handling laundry for the day. He rarely keeps up with the schedule around the base for these things, but that's why you're there.
"I'm no fighter," You said to him once when the two of you first built the base. "But I want to help and making this place as close to home as possible for them is what I'm willing to do."
And to your credit, you did. Even more so than that.
The place would've crumbled if it weren't for you holding everyone together. Everyone has their share of responsibilities, even some of the younger children are willing to lend a helping hand from time to time.
After all that you both went through, you were determined on making this place your very new home. To welcome those who've lost theirs into this safe haven. Even with the tree growing into its majestic size seems like a miracle in itself, but it
Ekko goes to grab one of the dangling sheets, tugging it down then-
"BAH!"
"AH!"
He falls to the ground, the sheet over his head. Your roaring laughter is all he could hear. You lift the sheet, going under it to meet a flustered Ekko.
"Scared you"
Ekko scoffs. Swiftly, he tugs at your arm and pulling you down to him. Your body slams down onto his with a grunt.
"Fuck," He cusses through grunts. "Okay, I didn't think that one through."
"You're an idiot." You laugh between short breaths. Now, you're fully rested on his chest. Your body hover over his. The distance lessen between the two of you.
"You came out of nowhere!"
"And your solution is to bring us both down to the ground? Not very strategic of you, leader."
"Oh, ha, ha." Ekko rolls his eyes.
You chuckle.
He's more conscious than ever of how close you both were. His gaze traces down to your chin, up to the tip of your nose and your eyes digging dip into his wandering ones. His hand with its own thought touches your cheek with his thumb rubbing over your cheek.
"You okay?" He asks, almost too gently. You nod at that, also stunned but your fingers wrap itself around his wrist. Your touch is gentle on his. As gentle as it was, it's enough to send shivers on his skin.
He sits up, leaning closer and closer to you. He could your breath hitches at the back of your throat at his gesture. Long forgotten that you're both still hidden under the sheet.
"Can I..." His words trails off. Eyelids fluttering when the tip of his nose nearly touch yours.
You lips move, "Ekko..."
He pauses.
"Don't."
It was only one word from you, but enough to rupture something in him.
"Oh," He stumbles. "Sorry, I-"
"It's okay. It doesn't matter." You stand up almost in an instant, leaving him under the sheet still. "I'll... have the sheet cleaned. Sorry about that."
You spoke almost too quickly for him to comprehend. Your tone flat. The reality sinks into Ekko's mind after a moment of silence.
You're an idiot.
-
iv.
Ekko dreamt of it that night.
His sight's blurred from that explosive aftermath. Even then, he couldn't do it. He wondered if you would've been disappointed.
He couldn't do it. He'd seen her eyes on Jinx's face. Powder. Gone, but traces of her remain. Fuck. He just couldn't do it.
The mask would've made it all easier.
Shifting himself against the cold wall of the ruins beneath the bridge, he hisses at the ache around his ankle.
He wonders what are you up to right now? Maybe still fussing over those cookies.
He thought more and more about you.
The way you'd barge into his room without a single word.
Or how it's some unspoken thing between the two of you that bringing a bowl of fruit is somehow the best way to start an apology.
Or even the way you both unconsciously hoarding all sorts of cardboard and plastic you gathered. We might need it, you'd both say to those who question.
He laughs a little.
Just small things.
He realize, he didn't even get to taste them. The cookies. Nastar, he could hear you fumbling through the words. Like pineapple, tart, and whatnot.
"One more reason to make it." He mutters to himself. As slowly drift to sleep from exhaustion, he begins to dream how it'd be to be back home.
With everyone they've lost, but this time you enter the frame. You. The Firelight. All part of this new family. He needs to make through this.
His mind wanders again. Now you're all he could see. Your eyes, your cheeks, your nose, lips. It's a bit of a blur, but he remembers how warm it feels to touch you. He wonders again, would your lips feel just as warm?
And who knows, maybe you'd taste like pineapples.
He needs to try those cookies.
-
v.
"You're gonna kill me with a heart attack one day."
"And have you leave me with those brats? Hell no. Not gonna happen."
Despite his latest injury, Ekko doesn't show any sign of backing down. He'd push himself beyond his own limit, if it meant it'd bring them closer to their goal: freeing the undercity from the shadows.
But you always tell him, and again: what's the point of ever reaching that goal if he wouldn't make it to see it thrive one day?
"The purpose is bigger than me. Than any of us."
It's deep into the night, when most would be asleep. Most but you and Ekko. There'd be times when you'd slip into his room and spend hours to no end talking about everything, or sneak to the top of the tree, dangling over the wooden platform. The night time lends itself for your thoughts to let loose, in ways that day time can't seem to do.
Perhaps because of how quiet it is at the base, and the wave of peace it brings you to feel the breeze and sight of the firelights surrounding you.
"I hate it when you say that." You admit to him, lying down on the cold wooden surface. "You're right. But... fuck, I hate it."
"Sorry." He tells you meekly, but the truth holds.
The truth that this will continue on beyond your lives, perhaps you wouldn't even make it when that day comes but that's the risk of this life.
"You know, every mission you go on to, I just dread it everyday." The confession spills through you. "Just... the thought of one day you'd be one of the ones we've lost. I hate it. I hated it whenever you guys return and each time, less of us returns."
Ekko only listens.
"Just reminds me how little time we have here."
The two of you had gone through everything when you lost everything to the spread of Shimmer across the undercity. You lost your parents, loved ones. He'd lost the few people he calls his family.
To think that from the pain you've gathered, you were able to create a sanctuary for others who've went through the same: a place to call home.
"I mean, shit, I got regrets and I haven't done half of the things I want with you. And can you imagine you just not coming back? I'd have to revise my bucket list. That sucks."
Ekko laughs at the bitterness of the joke.
"Yeah? Thought you don't live with regrets." Ekko turns to you, lying on the side while focusing his eyes on your side feature.
"Nah, that's not true. I was edgy when I said that. I'm older now, with more existential dread than ever. Regret is bound to happen." You look at him.
"Like..." You hesitate a little, "Like when I regret not telling you how I feel."
He nearly chokes on his own saliva at that. His eyes would pop out if it goes any wider. You sit up now, looking at him straight in the eyes.
"How you feel, like... as a friend?"
"No, I like you. Romantically."
Holy shit.
"Oh." He says to that.
"Yeah," You heave out a sigh. "Oh."
Despite the cold air, Ekko could feel a rising heat going through his head. A growing warmth under his cheeks and flustering, malfunctioning of his very much pounding heart. It almost feels like his ribcage could barely keep it together.
"AH! Fuck you, dude!" He screams out of the blue, curling himself into a ball.
"Wha- I literally just confessed to you! That's how you respond? Could've just rejected me or something."
"No, no, no no no, that's not it." He waves at you, shaking his head vigorously. "I mean, I've been having plans in my head on how to confess to you the right way. But you beat me to it! And out of the blue too! Like, you didn't even think it through?!"
"No? Why should I? I told you I've had too much regrets. I regretted not telling you about how I feel, so here you go. There. It's out there."
The blatant puzzling face you display surprises Ekko. You unabashedly confessing your feelings for him. All while he's been struggling to even form the words or find the right time to tell you.
Yet you bursts through those bricks he'd been carefully picking apart. Unpredictable wreckage. He finds himself jumbling through his mind for the right words to say, but nothing. Say something.
"Forget it, I'll..." You stand up, still not looking at him. "...I'll go to sleep."
Say something. A voice of his younger self always scream all those years ago. Say something, say something.
He calls for you. His hand hold onto your wrist.
"Don't. I just," He sighs, quivering slightly from his nerves. "Just let me say something."
Now, the two of you are facing each other. The firelights hovering around you. The night still quiet, but the warmth radiating from your bodies shielded you from the shivering air. His hands fit into yours like a perfect puzzle piece, but with a tinge of comfort and familiarity from all those years.
"You know, I thought you didn't..." His hand waves around. "You didn't like me. When we were... that day, laundry, I just thought..."
"...Fuck." You bury your face into your hands. "Fuck, I thought I was- Ekko, I'm so sorry. I panicked that day. I didn't know what was going to happen to us after that." You run your fingers through your hair, tugging on it lightly. "I'm such an idiot."
"Yeah, that you are."
You both laugh at that. He takes a deep breath before making a move. His arms extend towards you. You notice the way he moves closer and take the next step. Fully embracing him.
"We're both idiots." You mutter into his shoulder.
"For sure."
Your grip around him tighten. "We've been friends for so long. Just the thought anything could ever change that terrifies me."
He couldn't blame you. He, too, was afraid. It wasn't the first time he'd been terrified, he briefly recalled that night. The bridge. The explosion. Powder.
His heart nearly drops reminiscing it.
You both only had each other then, until now...
"Nothing's going to change how we are, you better believe that." He tries to reassure you. You pull away a little to rest your forehead on his. "I can't... can't ignore how I feel about you. I'm afraid that things will change, too, I can't tell you I'm not afraid. I am. Scared shitless."
The confession pours of him.
"But I can't say that I'm more afraid of the change than to ever tell you how much you mean to me."
Your eyes go wide at that. He'd said it with so much conviction. His hands cup your face. "Can I kiss you?"
Your face beams at the question, nodding, "Yes." The answer escapes through your lips like a breath.
"Living with no regrets, right?" He repeats your words back to you. You chuckle softly at that.
Ekko can't remember how many times he yearned for this moment, but it happens in an instance. Your lips on his. Warmer than ever before, with his heart uncontrollably thrashing within the cages of his ribcage. And it keeps going.
You both pulling each other closer and closer. Taking up each other's ways, the many ways you've both done so before. With barging into each other's rooms, brushing each other's hands, touching each other's face.
Maybe now, those things will be a little different. A little sweeter, just like...
"Pineapples."
"What?"
You both separate ways from the kiss. Breathless and flustered. You laugh at his sudden abrupt train of thought. "Are you still thinking about the cookies?"
"...I haven't tried them."
You leave another kiss, now on the corner of his lips.
"Silly."