Will and El wondered around the aisles of the grocery store. Will’s eyes scanning the shelves for the items on sale. El kept piling junk food in the cart. He mentally crunched the numbers and knew it was all out of their budget. He didn’t want to lecture her. She was the only person in the world who knew about him now. After everything she’d done for him, it seemed like it would be nagging.
But he needed to tell her about their financial situation. It would be better telling her now before there was another department store fiasco.
“Hey, El?”
“Hm?” She said as she put a bag of marshmallows in the cart.
It took him a moment before he could collect the words together but El was patient, and he always appreciated that. “There are some families that can afford the extra stuff, like Mallomars and Chips Ahoy. They put them in the cart and don’t even think about what it costs. But… our family’s not like that. We always have to think about what the number’s gonna be at the register.”
She looked into the cart and back at Will. “Like the jeans?”
Goddamnit. How did she always see this stuff? He forgot sometimes how observant she was. Despite having little to no clue about most social cues and all ‘the way the world works’ stuff, she could put things together very easily. Like she had all the pieces already and just needed to fit them together.
“Yes.” He answered, “Mom, Jonathan, and I have spent years learning how to make the most from the money we have.”
“These go back then?”
Will nodded. El picked up the extra things not on the list and returned them to their spots on the shelf. They were walking past the frozen foods and El looked longingly at the Eggos. He knew that they reminded her of home.
“You can get those.”
She turned to him, a question on her face.
“One splurge isn’t a bad thing.” He smiled. El beamed and got the box of waffles from the freezer.
Will looked around the aisle for peanut butter. It wasn’t next to the bread, like it had been in the stores back home. An associate was stocking the crackers. Why were the crackers in with the bread? What the hell was wrong with this store??
Will asked, “Umm. Excuse me. Could you tell me where the peanut butter is?”
“Aisle one.”
Will asked, “Next to the produce?!” He couldn’t keep the judgement out of his voice.
The guy looked at him, like the soul had been sucked out of him, “I just stock the shelves, man.”
Will bit his lip. “Okay. Sorry. Thanks.”
He felt a little embarrassed. He definitely pulled a suburban-mom-moment there. Why did it even matter? ‘Because peanut butter should always be next to the bread!’ He mentally groaned. He felt like he was playing a game of Pong. Constantly bouncing from one aisle to the next trying to check the items off his list. Still, he hadn’t meant to be one of “those” customers. He’d heard enough stories about people like that from his mother and Jonathan. People who quoted, “The customer is always right,” as if it were a bible verse.
They finally got the peanut butter and were about to head to the registers. Will noticed El standing by the produce aisle, fixed to the spot and staring ahead.
“El?”
And then he heard a familiar voice. From that day in the locker room, “Aw, come on. Just seven little numbers and I let you go back to sorting oranges.”
Will couldn’t hear much of the response, but he heard the pleading “please.” The scared, cornered feeling in this girl’s voice.
“Excuse me,” someone said as they tried to get around Will’s cart.
“Oh, Sorry.” He pulled up to El.
“We need to go.”
She looked back at him and the look she gave him made Will squirm.
“There are always gonna be guys like this, El. This is what they do.”
Her nostrils flared and she shook her head. “Not while I’m around.” She grabbed a toilet paper roll and flung it at the leering thug.
It hit him square in the shoulder.
She looked at him with her death stare. “She said no, Jack Ass.”
The thug turned and Will could see the girl’s face as it changed from fear to relief. Will felt ashamed at his cowardice. How many times had he wished for someone to intervene when Troy and his goons were on the prowl? The jackass started walking towards El. Will stepped in between before he could get closer.
“What are you trying to do?” He laughed, “You trying to play tough, fag?”
In that moment, when Will should have felt intimidated, fearful of the guy nearly a head taller than him… he wasn’t afraid. He couldn’t make sense of it. He had spent his life ducking away from those accusing words, denying them. But today… the word had missed its mark. Men made the word seem like it was the worst thing someone could be… effeminate, gay. To be marked with such a word was the equivalent of a pirate receiving the black spot. But he had stared actual death in the face more times that this asshole could count. The bluster, the act was all just that. An act.
It took off a weight, he felt a power, and he laughed.
“You know what I just realized?” He chided, “This is all you have. The highlight of your day is towering over someone and throwing your weight around as if people have any reason to be afraid of you.”
“I can give you five reasons you have every reason to be pissing your pants right now.” He closed his fist and and pounded in his hand. It was so cartoonish, it was funny.
“What are you going to do? Hit me in a grocery store?” He laughed, “One day you’ll realize that there are things that are actually terrifying. Things that would snap you like a twig. You say that word, ‘fag’ like I should be afraid of it. But I’m not. You are.” He took a step closer. “Because if God forbid anyone call you that, you’d lose this.” He gestured at the space between them. “You’d have nothing to look forward to.”
“I’m gonna make you eat those words, you faggot.”
Will smiled. “I’m not the one afraid of that word, faggot.”
The towering boy’s eyes filled with rage and he pulled his fist back but suddenly dropped. El had kicked the back of his knee and thrown him off. She grabbed Will’s hand and pulled him out of the store.
They ran out the door and down the street. Will heard his feet against the pavement. The adrenaline shooting through him. He had been ready to fight. He had been ready to take that jackass’s fist to his face. Being forced to run had set his brain in motion. The swell of confidence, the feeling of power, had gone back out like the tide. As he ran, he remembered the feeling but couldn’t rationalize it.
It didn’t matter how many times he had stared death in the face. He was human. He could still be broken, like he’d nearly been in the locker room. Why had he said those things to him? What had he done?
Will was running out of breath. El pulled him into the space between two shops. They doubled over trying to get the wind back in their lungs.
“Damnit, El. I didn’t want to get into it back there.”
“You damnit. You were gonna let that jackass…”
“Do you even know what he was trying to do?”
“He was scaring her. That’s all I need to know.”
“What you need to know is that we are fucking screwed for food this week. What we needed was to get groceries. We needed to help our family.”
El was furious, but a small part of her felt guilty. He’d said ‘our family’ without hesitation. And there was the sudden feeling that she let him down. She wouldn’t let it show though. She didn’t look at him.
She seethed. “So, if someone is in trouble, let them deal with it alone. Is that what you do? Just ignore it because you are more important?”
Will leaned his head back against the bricks. “I’m not saying that. I’m saying you need to learn to pick your battles.”
“People ‘picking battles’ are why mouth breathers keep doing it. And why are you on his side? You were arguing with him. You were winning. We won. It was the right battle.”
Will took deep gulps of air, avoiding the question. There was a fearlessness in that moment with the thug. It was an old feeling of power. A feeling that hadn’t been his but another’s. But he still remembered it. That guy in there could beat him to a pulp but if the horrors of the other world ever came, Will would survive. He would find a way.
El continued, “You weren’t scared of him. You called him that name back.”
It was funny. She was picking up new swears and insults all the time, but she still refused to say that word. She didn’t recycle words that bullies threw at them. As if her insults had standards.
Will answered, “It felt good to say it at the time. It felt good to have that. But now we have to go home empty handed. Now Jonathan will have to be the one to go to the grocery store in addition to working because we couldn’t stay out of trouble. I can’t work a job, El. Mom won’t let me. She says I need to focus because my grades have slipped. So this was my way to help. This was how we contributed. I don’t want to be a burden on them anymore. I want to hold my own where I can. Can’t you understand that?”
“Then, we go back and get our groceries.”
“He’ll be waiting for us.”
“Fuck him. It’s a battle worth fighting. Not being afraid is worth fighting for. We’ve fought scarier things. I don’t want to be afraid of him.”
And Will caught something in her voice. He looked at her and could tell, she had seen herself in that girl. She had seen someone vulnerable, cowering before that guy. El didn’t have her powers and was having to learn what it meant to be ‘normal.’ The idea of being as scared as that girl… it was a normal El would never let herself accept.
Will approached El, hesitantly. “I don’t either.” He reached out and gave her a side hug. Or he tried to, but she threw both of her arms around him and pulled him in. She wouldn’t speak it. She wouldn’t say it. But he could feel it in the grip of her embrace. El was scared about never having that power again. Of living her life without the abilities that had saved her. She wanted to learn to fight without them. That she could fight without them.
El had been at his side so many times. She was always ready to fight for him. The least he could do was return the favor.
“Let’s get our groceries while we still have some daylight.”
___________________________
They walked back to the store, waiting for the thug to be there. But he was nowhere in sight.
When they got inside, they saw the girl behind customer service. Her eyes were red from crying. She stood up and the manager looked over at them.
“These the two?” They heard him say. She nodded.
He waved and walked over to them. He stopped once he got closer and dropped his voice. “Mary told me about what happened.”
Will waited with baited breath for the consequences. Would there be a police report? Would they be banned from the store?
“That boy has apparently been hounding her for some time. I appreciate you both stepping in. I’ve reached out to the boy’s parents and they know now he’s not to come into this store without them again. And as for the two of you… while a toilet paper roll, isn’t exactly throwing a gauntlet… It is undeniable that you were both hitching to fight that boy. I can not abide by violence in my store.”
Will and El stood nervously. Will’s stomach was in a knot.
He continued, “There are better ways to solve something like that. The next time you see something like that, you tell one of us behind the desk and we’ll handle it. And if you see that boy hanging around the parking lot, looking for more trouble, you tell me and he’ll be put straight. Understand?”
They both nodded.
“Alright, then. Do you want your cart? We saved it for ya.”
“Thank you,” Will said earnestly.
“Thank you,” El echoed. She was looking at the girl behind the counter. While Will went over to get the cart rung up, El walked over to the counter. Will saw the girl hand El the toilet paper roll and they laughed. And then Will saw El’s light. It didn’t matter that she didn’t have powers. She was able to save someone. It was just who she was.
Will knew he’d have to come to terms with the fact that she would never be the type of person to back down. That meant he’d have to stand by her in out-matched fights. It might also mean physically plucking her out of the war path. But, all things considered, that wasn’t so bad. It was worth it to have her in his corner.
“Can I light the menorah tonight?” please let her play with fire. :)
“Sure, Louise!” Heavily supervised, of course. “But that means you’ve gotta help me say the Chanukah blessings. Oh, and sing the Maoz Tzur. Don’t worry. I’ve got all the words written out.”
