#elaphanthropy

[shed-velvet]

how it feels being the only elaphanthrope i know

[cosmicstrays]

ghost coded fit check for qingming 🧹🧹 ft. @shed-velvet

[cosmicstrays]

re-remembering Stag taking possession last night and my body morphing to weredeer all of a sudden … he was trying to get my exhausted self move to eat, but when i was too mentally tired he asked to possess me to do it for me. i said sure, okay, yeah … and then i felt him go for it in his human form. but when his presence fully connected to my physicality, we seizured on the couch and morphed his weredeer shape the most physically draining we’ve ever had transforming post-awakening.

Stag’s antlers grew in an irregular shape, too, bursting out crackling like speedrunning bamboo. his points were more tall and clustered than fanned-out and broad. the antlers were very heavy with their high clustering focusing its center of gravity down on his head instead of dispersing the weight. even so tall most of the velvet was still intact, feeding the antlers to keep developing, but after the explosive growth they didn’t get noticably higher

he couldn’t get up until his neck, shoulders, and upper back bulked a bit … but since our morphing can only work with the mass and stored energy my body has, that bulk came from pushing the limbs of his morph to narrow and get springier. once he had full possession and transformation over my body he could move as a weredeer. but now i was the disembodied one reminding him to eat the lasagna he put in the microwave to feed me …

[shed-velvet]

feel like we morphed in our sleep when we dreamed abt shapeshifting. body feels worn n achy in a “got taken apart then roughly put back together” kinda way

in the dream we were having i saw myself from the outside for the first time, n the body had morphed my human form, n i was like i remembered my body being before, in my old life. i had my own voice back too

whole dream was p … dark n personal. weird n scary. but i saw myself, alive again, corporeal, n plainly human. as much as i’ve accepted also becoming a weredeer, i wish i had more power to morph fully human w/o deer aspects popping out. so i can have the whole spectrum, not just animal n were.

[shed-velvet]

strange face in a strange light

(stag mask by us)

[shed-velvet]

tryin 2 keep away from front so the wolf-angel boyfriend can spend time w his actual boyfriend (but my cheeks dummy thicc) but then i smoked the wrong strain of weed n switched in started growing antlers at bf’s house . it was mad itchy n i couldn’t hide getting tense round my antlers being touched so i just told him i been growing and shedding antlers since the pizza toppings we took the nite b4 yesterday .

"can't you just ... ?" he tried reaching for em but i bucked away n told him i gotta wait for them to fall off n sometimes they don't grow back right away .

tried to talk as coda to talk abt the plurality from the supernatural side (cuz i AM a walk-in … and the boyfriend IS an angel) . i said “i feel co-conscious, like it’s me, n something in me looking round at you right now .”

“what do you see ?” he asked it the nice kind of curious

well, the deer instincts hijacked me a second cuz the first thing i said was “a wolf, a wolf” but his wings shimmered and i went “very bright, very bright … ! ”

i told him how itchy the antlers were n he said “they say in daoism when a true ascetic meets a demon, he will feel an itch .”

i wasn’t put off by the implication tho, cuz i said, “a demon is a fallen angel in some senses, tho, yea ?”

he said yeah . he let us be quiet and listen to music for a bit . he kept petting my antlers tho so i got him to rub my belly instead . even tho he tried to tell me they were incorporeal he did take it seriously otherwise . it was weird for me as a man not raised round that kind of thing to let a man be sweet on me , but everything’s been weird since i died n became a walk-in n turning gay n transsexual is turning out more pleasant than animorphing into a deer .

coda did get to talking too . so we could assure his boyfriend that it wasn’t anything he did n me turning into a deer doesn’t have to do w him . he said i wasn’t gonna turn 100% deer again n his boyfriend asked “when did that happen ?” said "before they put me in the hospital ."

he looked off n thought abt it n i knew he was thinking abt whatever coda told him before abt going to the hospital n was holding us a while after that . i dunno what dots he was connecting . i hope he understood .

we ended up watching The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf, n the story was great but coda n i thought there'd be more actual wolves . my antlers didn't shed but they got less itchy . i did shed the velvet tho n it was gross . i peeled off what i could without the boyfriend seeing n put it in the garbage , washed off the worst of the residue .

today's the morning after n my antlers r smaller . they shed n grew back smaller but a lil uneven too . i guess cuz we rolled round while sleeping .... (pause !)

well, that was my first time hanging out w the boyfriend . he was surprisingly nicer abt the antlers than i thought .

[shed-velvet]

eased ourselves out of a cotard’s episode by imagining our “dead” leg was just a very elaborate hyperrealistic prosthetic . eventually i popped to front n as i went round on errands to walk it off, i morphed from human legs to deer hinds n that was enough to shake off the psychosomatic necrosis

[caniscervidcrossing]

yesterday i went for a walk with Stag around sundown. he walked on my right and i felt his hand holding my arm. when he got hold of me and our crossing-tether sang my head crowded with our theriotypes warying, his human mind walking with me, my shifting mind straddling the Threshold—taking in all worldly and otherworldly sensation.

including Stag reaching me by thought or touch across the divide between the living and afterliving.

< sky was dreamcicle colored and looking at it tasted sweet. the low angle of the sun cast real gorgeously thru these flowers. >

we went to the park and through a corridor of evergreens. i felt no antlers but a sudden sharp awareness of the void encompassing the space between my head and the branches above. the trees seemed to get taller or my body seemed to get smaller. but i felt like i was radiating beyond the physical bounds of my body anyway.

the rare times i feel settled enough to take a walk without another living person with me,i’ve been shifting into this instinct of moving slower, quieter, more deliberate, listening for everything, but not showing startlement at small noises, just keeping a poker face while sussing out the source w all my other senses. sighting things out my periphery more accurately too.

i find stag has a lot of sly miyagi-like ways to get me to practice the elaphanthropy he’s passed to me. i pointed this out and he just said, <you too clever ah,> nonchalant.

the air shimmered between the last pair of trees of the evergreen corridor and as we crossed into the open sunlight we moved the body as one. man, deer, dog, and beast. ghost, mortal, and reanimate.

and home felt more like home now stag come by and stay the night. my bones felt worn and remade in the morning