Hii Alex ! Again I'm very happy you're back. I would like to ask, could you write how would Eldarya routes react if they broke up and guardian moved on while they still have feelings for them? (I'm pretty sure I hadn't seen that oneso if I'd missed it ,I'm really sorry :' ) )
Hope you're doing okay o(〃＾▽＾〃)o🍀
ELDARYA routes when they still have feelings for you
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𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: angst, individual headcanons, ALL routes.
↝ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Good morning and what a great way to start the day… ^^' I hope you’re also doing okay and I hope you like it!
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EZAREL
One day, mid-job he paused and got hit by the fact that it’s done… your relationship has reached an end. The first days after the break-up he had a great emotional block, and things didn’t seem real to him.
Then, a big wave of anxiety runs over him whenever he sees you laughing with other people, being happy with someone else. I mean, you can be happy, but the thought of you being it thanks to anyone else filling your heart again- the simple thought of you building a future with someone that isn’t him… it breaks him.
I’m so sorry for the person he might become after it, but when he checked that he still had those feelings for you, he decided to be pretty drastic. He started hated everything that reminded him of you, since that was the easiest way to transform those feelings for you into something far from love. He also avoided those places where he used to go with you and had a deep meaning on the relationship.
However, most of the time he found himself overthinking and asking himself “was it really that necessary to break up?”. But he’d focus on the negative stuff that could’ve happened on the relationship to answer himself, even the smallest detail.
It’s pretty childish, but it was the easiest way for him to forget those feelings.
He might get scolded by some of your mates to stop acting like a dumbass, and he sometimes wished to be left alone for a while so no one could care too much about him.
After the relationship he had with you, it is truly difficult for him to open up for love again. He even hates the simple idea of it, because he once imagined a future with you just to try to think about a future alone again. He was so used to think about everything with you that losing the habit was truly difficult.
NEVRA
He tries to convince himself that he will get over it soon, but he realizes that life isn’t the same without you. You were his first and probably last long and stable relationship. It was the first time he understood why do people suffer from love.
I hate writing this, but it’s somehow canon that he returned to the old habit: hooking up with whoever offered him the time. However, he couldn’t help but think about you all the time. And it made him feel like a bad person. He was practically comparing them to you and using them to distract himself from the thought of you.
He hates not valuating enough how you always were there for him. Now his company is momentaneous and not loyal, not even loving for a bit. Everything is empty and just lustful.
He overthinks if the reason why you broke up with him was because you doubted of him… he is aware of his reputation before dating you and fears that you ever doubted of him being unloyal to you. Because he never was. You taught him how great love could feel and how precious it could have been to grow old with the same person.
He can still recognize your scent through meters, and misses burying his nose in your hair whenever he hugged you. And whenever you’re around, he would try to look to other side but… his eyes always end up on you.
Nevra would treat you the same as always, but avoiding the flirty behavior. He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable or seem like a crazy, persistent ex. He might ask you about how things are going just for a mutual update of life, but without getting into details that he is still not over you.
VALKYON
It seems like it doesn’t affect him, but it does more than you can imagine. When someone mentions your name, his thoughts become blurry and he can only focus on the thought of you. He might also get weak whenever you pronounce his name in a certain way or he sees your smile directed at him. God that’s even more painful than a stab on his side.
He will treat you with the same coldness as the beginning. Everything ended, including his closeness to you. And it somehow burns him inside that you know him so much, all his sides. From his weakness to his strength. He knows that you were the correct person and doesn’t regret opening up to you in the past, but now… he finds it difficult to open up again since your connection isn’t that deep anymore.
And that exactly is what he keeps thinking even after the relationship: you were the correct person for him. He didn’t need anyone else. But he was maybe not the correct one for you.
Valkyon is the type of person who prefers to not trip on over the same stone again and try to get over it, even if it hurts. The relationship ended instead of fighting to keep it, so he knows it’s over. He wishes that you find your path in life and be happy.
But all those thoughts of you holding your children, of growing old together… those are thoughts he has to drown in some drinks at night. He might need Ezarel or Nevra by his side during those nights, needing a shoulder to cry on.
He still remembers your favorite stuff and might prepare things the same way as he did to you unconsciously.
And when he died, he died knowing that his heart would have an owner even in the afterlife.
LEIFTAN
To start with, he thought he could handle it well. The best thing to do when things aren’t working out is to stop forcing the connection.
He continued doing his life and seeing you through the corridors of the HQs, but that was what broke him the most even if he didn’t want to accept it.
In front of you, he might act with the same kindness as he treats everybody else. But the moment he is alone, he tries to compose himself and not breakdown. He misses you.
And he misses you the most during nights, when he finds the spot besides him empty and cold. He finds himself caressing the empty spot besides him and crying, missing those good night kisses and words you always gave him so sweetly.
This, however, makes him feel guilty and embarrassed. You probably forgot about those nights, you probably had more important things to think about rather than old memories from someone you’re not emotionally attached anymore.
Whenever you both are in a meeting or a party organized in the HQs, he has to leave and go for a walk. He adores knowing you’re happy and doing well, but it lowkey hurts him to see that he can’t share that happiness the same way as before. And it will never be the same again.
Whenever he talks about you, he cannot say a bad word. He talks about you with a mix of melancholy and happiness.
LANCE
He keeps your gifts and more than once has started writing letters for you, but ended up throwing those papers away. Those letters are filled of questions, of apologies in case he did something wrong, of words that had a deep meaning but would never be read.
He wonders if you still think about him just as much as he does or if you even hate him. And he’d prefer that you hate him instead of being so kind with him, because your kindness is what made him fall in love the most.
He avoids you because he cannot handle looking at your eyes directly. So if you try to talk to him, he’d simply say “I’m sorry” and leave, pretending that he is too busy to talk. But he is actually busier trying not to feel.
He still notices any slight change on your physical appearance and finds himself weird for doing that. And maybe you thought he was weird now, that he was a ridiculous and weak man.
Mathieu tried to distract him, he tried to make Lance open up but it ended up badly. Lance didn’t mean to snap at him, and it was another reason for him to feel even worse about himself — but Mathieu knew it was just a mistake. So he kept himself by his side in case Lance needed company and support, even if it wasn’t the same as yours.
Lance spends sleepless nights wondering what he did wrong, what could’ve made him improve as a partner for you. And also drowning himself in memories he created with you.
He is aware he cannot stay sad for the rest of his life and tries to move on as well, to be mature and know that he could learn to love himself more to enjoy more of his lonely moments.
But it feels impossible, and the fact that he keeps seeing you every day hurts him the most.
MATHIEU
The first days, it doesn’t feel real. He is in some sort of denial that has him on the edge constantly. Lance has had to comfort him more than once since he didn’t know what to do. Sometimes he felt calm, sometimes he felt like world was ending without you.
That cute spark of energy on his eyes is gone for a while, for as long as he still gets anxious when he thinks or is around you. For as long as he keeps thinking and thinking without stop.
He was used to overthink whenever things went slightly wrong, but knew how to mask it properly. But this situation was too big for him to cover it.
He finds himself wanting to share some news, sudden thoughts and experiences with you. But he fears that doing that will only attach him even more to you, so he tries to suppress all those urges and distract himself.
It’s sad how the only way to get over those feelings were distancing and detaching himself from you.
The first time you tried to communicate with him normally he tried to hold the tears so dearly, you even had to step back from the conversation because he was trying truly hard to not cry in front of you.
He wonders if there is a life in which you both can be happily together, married and old.
He spends more time with Lance to distract himself, and he slowly starts to stop feeling anxious when he thinks of you! Even though he still believes that you were the love of his life and the one he wanted to spend the rest of his days with.
✩; remember to reblog and like to support my content, I hope you liked it!
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𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: Angst, TO & ANE routes x reader, when they receive the news that you have died or when they see you die, neutral pronouns, not specified the reader’s gender!! Not requested. Warnings: death, no mercy, slightly detailed scenes.
↝ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: I had this idea randomly and couldn’t wait to write for it hehe. I must apologize because I am not the best at writing angst, but I wanted to try to bring some different content. I hope you enjoy it! Have a good week <3.
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EZAREL
You were commanded to go on a mission as he stayed on the quarters, focusing on the creation of new potions. Ezarel wasn’t dumb and was uneasy since the moment that mission came out, knowing it could be lethal for some of his mates. The moment you got selected to go, he argued with Miiko for you to stay, for you to keep yourself safe and not risk it out there. But you were a member of the guard, you had to risk your life just as much as others did. You were capable, you were strong and well-prepared. And Ezarel knew that any creature that tried to fight you, would easily be killed by you. Or that’s what he wanted to believe.
You weren’t immortal, and there were creatures much stronger than you out there. And even more in the place where you have gone.
With a deep breath, Ezarel tried to focus on his work, feeling his chest tighten from the anxiety he was feeling. As long as he didn’t see you come back safely, he wouldn’t feel good. Any creature that talked to him just received a short answer or silence from him. He was zoning out constantly, thinking of you. He rejected Eweleïn’s comforting words, and he didn’t even try to talk to Valkyon since he’d be telling the elf to prepare for the worst.
What would he do without you? It was the first time he dared to imagine his future besides someone else, and wasn’t really prepared to suddenly spend the next days without you. Without having the chance to hold you, to kiss you and to say goodbye one last time. To say goodbye… he couldn’t say goodbye. If you died out there, you wouldn’t have heard how much he loved you one last time. He was very mad at the thought of not having said goodbye properly.
The disgusting scent of intense chemicals filled his nostrils and he realized that the potion he was creating was no longer useful since he gave it more temperature than it needed. He quickly grabbed the crystal with his hands. A mistake. The pain filled his hand from how hot it was, dropping the bottle to the floor and hearing it crack in millions of pieces. The floor was all dirty now. His anxiety, his impatience and his irritation were increasing by how bad things were turning out for him.
He heard a knock on the door, and he sighed in frustration. It could mean a lot of things. Ezarel simply hoped that it wasn’t a fail attempt of comforting him again by any of the creatures. But what if the news were the worst? What if they suddenly told him that you were no longer alive? He felt a burning sensation on his abdomen from the nausea. His intuition barely failed. And he hoped it did fail this time. With sweaty hands, he opened the door, meeting Miiko’s eyes. He was furious with her, and he frowned when he saw her.
“Where are they?” he asked in a husky tone. He had spent the whole day without consuming any water, any food, and less with some sort of company. Miiko looked surprisingly calm. No, not calm. She looked vulnerable, regretful. A gaze he knew so much. A gaze she always had whenever the news were bad. Truly bad. “Fuck, no…” He shook his head, “tell me they’re just injured.”
Miiko shook her head, her eyes dropping to the floor with some tears threatening to escape. “It was quick. They had no time to suffer, I swear…”
Ezarel’s eyes were wide open, as if he was hearing the truth after the biggest lie, as if it was a betrayal. “You have nothing to swear! You all should’ve protected them. Or I should’ve been the one to go there in the first place!” he raised his voice in frustration, gripping his hair with resentment.
“We did our best to protect them, Ezarel. Some of our other friends have also been injured or killed by those monsters. We did our best. Yet we weren’t enough to kill all of them, to keep our eye in each other,” her voice cracked when she was about to talk about the worst. About how she saw you getting killed in front of her eyes. “And when we least expected it, a monster grabbed them, as if they were… a snack. And bit their head off… they had no time to even yell. They were shocked, they…”
Ezarel started losing the way on the conversation, the voice fading as his vision started to blurry. It was as if time just stopped for him. As if everything was done and there was no more purpose for him. He couldn’t say goodbye, he didn’t say goodbye or that he loved you enough. Many regrets appeared on his mind and that was truly overwhelming.
They didn’t even have your body to give you a proper funeral. He was furious with everyone, even himself. Ezarel did not only lose you, but also lost his hopes and motivations. Every source of genuine happiness and genuine affection. Everything was done.
He stayed for some months in the quarters, helping others around automatically. He didn’t have the ability to turn on his mind, not even a single joke escaped him for so long. The sight of him like that was also painful for Nevra and Valkyon.
And the moment he lost Valkyon as well… he felt really lonely, really lost in life. Nevra was still there, but Ezarel didn’t want to stay somewhere his memories became blurry from the many lost lives. He never forgot about you. Never.
And I’m sorry, but Ezarel is the type of guy who rather not do anything that brings him back old memories. He’d remember your favorite meals but might try to avoid them, he’d remember your favorite colors and wish he was blind, he’d smell something similar to your scent and almost break down. Even having a relationship with another person was a big no. He couldn’t get to love someone as deeply as he loved you.
With time he’d unconsciously use some of your quirks, or use some words you used to say. He’d even dress up with a uniform with your favorite color, as it was strangely comforting. And whenever he missed you, he looked up at the sky and mumbled how much he still loved you. And how much he will love you forever.
NEVRA
Bandits were always ones to barely care about the damage they did. If they already inflicted the law to do some evil, what would they care about injuring anyone to get what they want? Nothing.
You, Nevra, Karenn and their team got called to protect one of the harbors in a village, which was constantly threatened by groups of delinquents. They dared to hurt the elder and whoever got in their way. And as you got there, you all hid to prepare a trap to that group of bandits.
They weren’t the usual bandits, the usual thieves and murderers you’ve faced before. Yes, they were creatures, but they held long, customized weapons that looked pretty dangerous. The sounds of metallic steps made you all aware that they arrived, and the mischievous giggles from them made it even more clear.
You all got out from your positions to fight that big group of bandits. They were easy enemies, yet they had the bad ability of thinking at the same level as your team did, so it wasn’t really easy to injure them. Your goal was to trap them, not to kill them- but they needed to be defenseless first.
You and another creature were busy with a single bandit. It almost seemed like a choreography how you both attacked him to make the enemy release the weapon, and how he moved in a strategic way to protect himself. You felt some drops of sweat in your forehead because he was too precise with his moves, until you finally did a quick move that achieved to rip the weapon from their hands, hitting him on the nape to leave him unconscious. You looked around, searching for a mate to help and joined others.
As you finished tying a rope around a girl’s wrist, you looked around to see Nevra easily get rid of the amount of delinquents who were surrounding him. He easily cleaned his surroundings, it was impressive and clear why he was so named a leader. From far you could see one delinquent who was hidden and seemed to be aiming at Nevra. How did anyone not notice that girl being there? She seemed to be waiting for the perfect moment, and a smirk on her face was the sign that it was the moment. You saw her finger on the trigger, and you quickly ran towards Nevra, “guys, there’s a sniper!” you yelled as you ran, finally pushing Nevra to the side. He fell to the floor and looked towards you confused, and it all happened too quick, and you suddenly fell to the floor violently. Some of your mates went towards the sniper, defeating her, but it was already too late.
The bullet perforated a neat hole in your chest, the pain making you release an alarming yell for the vampire. The intense scent of blood twisted his stomach in fear. “No, no, no,” he mumbled in repeat, pressing his hand over the bound as he saw you breathing heavily. That place was lethal, and you were too far to get immediate aid. “Please, no! Stay with me, please, stay here.”
Wow, you didn’t imagine it wouldn’t be just as in shows, where the character gets shot and spends 3 minutes talking with their beloved. You were currently feeling lightheaded, with an immense pain and a great difficulty to breath. Your shaky, weak hand reached his wrist, attempting to give a squeeze but failing. “...ove you…” you whispered, making him press his forehead against yours.
“Don’t say that as if you’re dying,” he says in a desperate tone, caressing your hair with his free hand. “I love you too. I need you to keep your eyes opened, please,” he whispered, his lips kissing a few times your forehead.
But a soft and calm sighed escaped you. The last one. You’re last breath. He started to sob as he held you, embracing you firmly as he repeated your name. His stained hand caressed your cheek, leaving a trail of your own blood over there.
He spent a few minutes crying, not caring that all the job was done and they could successfully leave. There were others injured, but no one other have died. Only you. It made his own heart burn from the pain that view gave him.
Karenn had to make him get away from the scene. They had to leave with the bandits, and some others wrapped your dead body to send it back to Eldarya and give it a proper funeral. Karenn was also affected for seeing you like that, but she had to act strong because the most affected was Nevra.
Nevra cried for the whole night, letting Karenn hold him. Holding someone only reminded him of how he held you during your last minutes, if those were even minutes.
But he had to act as a leader, trying to keep himself focused on his tasks. But his mind always went back to that day. He was rude towards others’ unconsciously, just because he was overstimulated with his feelings to let others bother him more. He seemed present but was on his own world of negativity instead. He started behaving like a teen, and he hated that, but he was frustrated for not having protected you from that bullet. For not having done enough.
He gave the girl who shot you a proper punishment. One that he isn’t proud of and never spoke about to anyone. But he sought some sort of revenge towards the woman that killed who he loved the most.
The moment Valkyon died and Ezarel left he was even madder. He lost almost everyone. The only one he trusted the most and stayed with him was his sister, the only one he showed more trust.
He tried to reconstruct his life, going back to old habits to keep his mind busy in the bed of different creatures every night. Yet the simple act of holding them on his arms provoked him to wake up in the middle of the night, panting softly as he remembered about you. But when he sees you aren’t the one in his arms, he quickly gets dressed and leaves the bedroom without any explanations. Or he reached a point in which he accidentally moaned your name, reason why some girl got mad at him for that. But he couldn’t help it. He felt guilty for seeking the pleasure and affection only you knew how to give him in other people.
Nothing could replace you ever. And he didn’t know how to properly cope with it, asking Karenn for help. With time, he learnt to accept that, but he took a few years to finally learn to live without any of his friends and partner on his life.
VALKYON
It was the last day on that expedition, and as far as things were, everything was going perfectly fine. The nights with your team were comforting and warm after a whole day of sweating and wishing no one got seriously injured. Every day you all got closer to the cave where the actual enemy was. Valkyon was beside you all the time, not only being a great leader but also being a good support for everyone. And sleeping in his arms was the most energizing thing ever, those last nights of the expedition where he made sure you knew how honest his heart was.
The next day, the awaited fight arrived. You all were very prepared to face the giant creature that was hidden at the tip of that snowy mountain. You had a good breakfast, filled with vitamins and giving you the energy for the fight. Entering the cave made you all freeze from how cold it was in there. But it would be a quick fight, and then you all could go back home safely. It was known there was just one creature who lived alone, and whenever it went out in the mountains it was always to destroy villages for food, which were the innocent creatures on those villages.
With a great teamwork, you all achieved to dodge its attacks. Some took charge of tying its limbs as others made sure to end with its life. It wasn’t too quick, but quicker than Valkyon expected. You all happily celebrated the dead of the creature and saved some of the prisoners from there. But a loud thump echoed through the walls of the cave, causing some stone grains to fall from them. The cave was deeper than you all wanted to realize, as the darkness covered its length. But a pair of shiny, green eyes, looked at you all through that darkness. Then three red eyes, then some other eyes from various colors. Those eyes seemed to be getting closer, accompanied by the big bang that appeared to be coordinated footsteps. The darkness seemed infinite as the creature, or the creatures, got closer and there was no sight of it yet.
The fear settled on everyone’s bodies. Even Valkyon was paralized. You all expected one creature, which was already big. But there were more.
And another bang was heard, and finally the sight of a giant paw that crushed over one of your mate's body without any compassion. That paw was the size of the creature you previously killed. It was so close to you that you could feel the air moving your hair and clothes from the raw movement, even the scent of blood and the bitter scent of the creature. The silence lasted for a while until the panic got the best of the prisoners and some of your mates, which ran away while they yelled.
Valkyon started yelling orders to retreat towards the base, staying on the entrance of the cave to make sure everyone exited. You and some others were paralyzed from the panic. The whole cave was trembling. And the thump of the steps was covered by the cave starting to collapse.
Valkyon tried to look out for you, seeing that you were left behind as the rocks fell. He yelled your name as loud as he could. And you heard him, but you were completely blocked. Even more when a rock fell right on the only path to get towards the exit. Valkyon started punching the rock, then using his sword for it… he could still see you through a small gape, “Darling, please! Get here quickly, run! Run right now!” he kept yelling.
Just when your brain started to proceed stuff, you started to run towards there. But what could you do? Climb the rock? It was pretty useless. Valkyon’s tears started dropping at the impatience. He ordered the others to help him, “please, help me break this! Darling, try to be safe in there!”
And Valkyon, along with some mates, tried to break the rock. He looked once again into the gap, seeing you run towards him. His breath was very heavy, his heartbeat quick, and just when you were about to reach the blocked entrance, everything started to slow down. A wall started to collapse, and he saw your body slowly getting trapped under all those heavy rocks.
Valkyon had to get dragged back towards the base to escape. But he was very shocked. You were crushed by all those rocks without any mercy.
From this moment, his nights were spent overworked to avoid his thoughts or drinking beer along Ezarel and Nevra as he cried about everything that happened. His chest was constantly heavy and whenever his mind got random thoughts of you, he had to go cry in an empty spot.
The day he died, he laid down on the floor with a little smile on his face. His eyes looked at the blurry ceiling, as he thought that since that moment he could go with you and spend the rest of your time in heaven with you.
After you both were resting god-knows-where, the residents of Eldarya made a sculpture of you both together. It showed Valkyon holding you as you held the crystal from Eldarya, both with that sweet smile you both had.
LEIFTAN
You got ill. Very ill. It was one of the things you didn’t really think about when you got there. What kind of virus would they have? What kind of deadly poisonous stuff could you accidentally touch? And you certainly find out when you went to such a wonderful, exotic place in an expedition. The amount of vegetables, fruits and plants on the area were beautiful.
One of those plants was pink, purple and blue, a cute mix that called your attention. And it was strange for you to see. You crouched, touching it and getting disappointed when the touch wasn’t as soft as you expected. Instead, the tip of your fingers were numb after touching it. It was strange, maybe it was poisonous, you wondered. But you kept the healthy collection of fruits and vegetables and went back to the quarters, forgetting about that plant.
You washed your hands, hoping your fingers felt better, but you were in a rush and didn’t pay much attention to the fact that your hands did hurt.
Days went by, and your body showed random symptoms that you didn’t really like. So one night, before going to sleep, you talked with Leiftan about it. “Leif, three days ago I touched a precious plant. It was very pretty,” you started, calling his attention. He had that sweet, kind smile of his. “Oh, yes? How was it?”
“It was purple, pink and… blue,” and his smile started fading when you said that. He quickly looked at your hands, gently touching them. “My goodness… darling, I thought those plants…- shit, let’s go with Ewelein, now.”
You started to panic as he carried you to the infirmary, where Ewelein was calmly reading some papers. When Ewelein saw you both, Leiftan said a strange name you never heard — the name of the plant. And by the elf’s expression you could guess it wasn’t a good sign at all.
“See… this plant was supposed to be extinct years ago. It brings a certain illness no one can cure,” she explained to you. She started looking through your body, finding symptoms that made you three lose the hope when seeing that it was more advanced than you’d think. Leiftan held his tears, but couldn’t be compared to how scared you felt. You were going to die and it was a countdown.
You stayed the next days on the infirmary rather than on your own since your skin started showing pinkish bulges and scales you’ve never seen before. You felt weaker, and you lost your appetite and thirst as days went by. Leiftan was almost always there, searching ways to make you feel better, both physically and mentally. He stayed there all the night, awake, holding you on his arms. He tried everything. He tried to make you drink a potion of healing, he tried to place a warm towel on your skin to make those symptoms fade away…. But it was completely useless.
During those days, you both cried together, shared your last good conversations and lovely words. You both drew together, did some creative things he definitely would keep for himself to remember you.
One specific night you asked him to sing to you, as you were sleepy and wanted to fall asleep to an angelic melody. And who else could it be other than Leiftan to be angelic? No one. So he gladly started singing, his hand caressing your scalp. You closed your eyes and smiled weakly, yet affectionately, his voice massaging your ears with the best melody ever.
But you started to hear that sound fading away, your body feeling suddenly light and how you finally could sleep. A soft, content sigh left your lips unconsciously. His hand no longer massaged your scalp as he kept singing, his fingers pressing your neck gently to take your pulse. His melody became shaky as he slowly started to break down. That was what he feared the most. “Sweetheart, no…” he whispers, embracing you with such delicacy as if you were made of crystal, his tears falling on your face. It was going to happen at some point that week, but it was hard to accept it.
He filled his room with some details he had with you to remember you. He spent some nights looking at those details with a sad smile, caressing them. He was glad, though, that you were no longer in pain.
During the first nights, he had a very hard time finding some kind of comfort, placing his not-dominant hand over the spots you caressed on his body when you were cuddling. He lost his soulmate.
He was more vulnerable than usual, constantly zoning out and not being too careful with his work, as he usually was. Leiftan got a strange behavior from that moment, feeling very melancholic and shutting down the moment he saw something that reminded him of you. And whenever there was an event in the streets of Eldarya, his sad smile appeared, looking at the sky at some point and mumbling “are you enjoying this too, sweetie?”
You’d be his angel, proclaimed by him. An angel who’s always watching to protect him and fill his heart. He didn’t know if it was true, but it was the only way to fill the loneliness he felt.
LANCE
Everything was in peace since the day you returned from the crystal and Lance had no longer the intentions to hurt anyone else. Instead, he regretted everything he had done and wanted to show that he changed, that he didn’t want to hurt anyone at all.
He was currently happy with the life he had there. Even though he had that inner guilt of what happened with his brother that you perfectly were aware of. Lance compromised himself to protect you at all costs. He was terrified of losing you and felt like you were the only one who genuine forgave and understood him.
One night, you went out with some of the other guardians to do guard in the forest and the beach, having fun through that time. Lance was doing guard on the quarters meanwhile, not quite worried of anything happening because most of the nights until now have been safe.
Everything has been fine for you all, but an ambush changed everything. Shadowy creatures, specters from another dimension, appeared out of nowhere. And they weren’t simple enemies. They didn’t seek to fight, only to devour the life essence of those who stood in their way.
You fought with everything you had. You stood your ground as your companions fought as they could. But the enemy was relentless, so the easiest way was to escape. When you tried to flee to warn the others, one of those shadows slipped between your ribs like an icy edge, stealing your breath. Your energy was slowly drained, your skin lost its color, and your body fell limply to the damp grass of the forest. It was a direct and painless death. You didn’t even realize what happened the moment the shadow crossed your body as if it was used to it. Your open eyes reflected the moonlight, but could no longer see anything.
The guardians went towards the quarters, warning about the incident. Lance heard hustle and quickly went towards the main spot of the quarters, seeing your team but not you. “What happened to them!?” he grabbed one of the guardians from the shoulders, shaking him with impatience.
“T-they… they weren’t too fast to escape…” he mumbled, looking at Lance with regret and sadness. Lance said nothing, he merely stood, jaw clenched and knuckles white from the force with which he clenched his fists. His eyes burned in rage, in denial and devastation. He must be lying. You couldn’t be dead.
There was no way he could express the guilt that was burning him alive. After losing you, he got drowned by himself into that darkness of constant guilt, of constant self-destruction. He failed you and wasn’t going to forgive himself for that. He didn’t openly talk about that, instead, he got distant from everyone. Mathieu was there to try to comfort him, but Lance was so cold during the first days that accidentally hurt the young man’s feelings. His answers were colder, his impatience shorte.
Whenever he heard your name, his heartbeat raised to the point he had to leave or practice the deep breathing skills to not break down there. His heart was weak to you, and more now that he didn’t protect you. He never mentioned your name even if you were always present on his mind. He saved that memory as a testimony of his failure.
If he had goals before, now he just followed orders without questioning them. Not because he believed in them, but because he didn't care. Life became a succession of empty days, in which he did what he had to do, but without emotion.
And sleeping… sleeping became a punishment. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw you. He remembered you, smiling, on his arms… until the moment of the news returned. Until he found himself crying and apologizing all loud to your ghost, if you ever watched him.
Was he able to continue with a normal life? No. Or at least, not in the same way as before. He went on living, because death was not an option. But living ceased to be meaningful. He never loved again. Not because he couldn't, but because deep down he felt he didn't deserve it. Over time, he learned to carry the guilt without it consuming him completely. He learned to breathe, to move on without letting the pain paralyze him. But there always remained in him that emptiness, that shadow that would accompany him until the end of his life.
MATHIEU
You both decided to take a night walk where you’d be talking and having fun until you both were tired enough to keep your path. Eldarya was certainly a curious and gorgeous place. But it was also very scary how many creatures lived there, which humans’ didn’t believe in, were normal species in Eldarya.
And it was terrifying how many species you both didn’t know.
The walk went well until something, a shadow, ripped you from his side, making him get suddenly surprised. When he heard your scream he ran after you, his heart drumming in his chest. His breath turned to mist in the night air. Following you until you were still, standing at the edge of the black lake, your clothes damaged from the creature’s claws. The creature was with you. It had no face, only a throbbing void where its eyes should be. Its bony fingers dug into your arm, making you squirm in pain, the fear not allowing you to scream.
“No!” he yelled and lunged forwards, but it was as if time just stopped around him. His steps became heavy, his prosthetic leg failing and his other leg feeling truly heavy. The creature bowed its head, as if studying him with amusement. Then, with a slow, cruel gesture, it brought its other hand to your chest. You gasped. Your back arched as if an invisible force was tearing at you from inside. Your lips parted in a soundless whisper, and then, your body turned to ashes. You didn’t even fall. Your body was no longer a material on this world. You simply vanished, as if you never existed. Mathieu screamed until his throat did hurt, running towards the creature and taking out his sword to attack it. But the creature faded in the shadows, disappearing into the whispers of the forest. And he was left alone, with the echo of your name on his lips and emptiness in his soul.
Even explaining it to someone else felt so unreal, so strange. What if no one believed him? But when he told the others about what happened, they were truly aware of the existence of this creature. He was slightly mad. Why didn’t you both know about it? Due to the lack of knowledge you ended up dead. Worse. Turned into ashes!
That was one of the most cruel deaths he has ever seen. And he spent nights wondering why would that creature do that. You didn’t deserve that, and he wanted to seek revenge for you. He missed you at every painful second that he could stand.
He spent so many nights waiting in the forest to see if there was a miracle and you came back. He had very tiny hopes of you appearing once again. But he saw you fade into ashes… you weren't coming back. He was in denial.
He forced himself to be happy for his friends and the children that constantly asked him to play games with them. But there was a notorious trail of sadness in his eyes. There was no brightness as before. It was all forced.
He was constantly around Lance so he could distract himself, but nothing could save him from those thoughts.
What hurt him the most is that you didn’t complete most of your life goals. You were so young. That’s why he decided to complete them for you, except those who were too personal or those which included him. He couldn’t marry you, have children… but he’d be loyal to you until his death. He is mentally married to you, and his children would be your favorite pets. He’d take care of them, talk to them, sometimes ranting about how beautiful their other parent was, and how you'd be taking care of them since up there.
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𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: Angst, a little bit of comfort..?, sfw, TO & ANE routes, quick and silly thoughts, not my best effort… TW! mentions of alcohol and su1cide, but nothing explicit or heavy.
↝ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: No one asked, simply my head filled with silly thoughts I’d like to share :)
♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•. ♪¸¸.•*¨*•.
THE ORIGINS:
When Valkyon still believed that Lance was dead, he asked for two cakes or a couple of candles to ‘celebrate it with his brother’.
Leiftan started braiding his hair to keep his focus on something and not let his thoughts wander into negativity. Since that moment he found comfort in doing so, and every now and then he could be found doing small braids on his untied hair. That mainly happens during meetings, when he gets a little bit anxious and then starts playing with his hair and at the minute he has a lot of small braids along his hair.
Nevra isn’t really proud of going everywhere on the HQs searching for a nightstand. His little sister is there, and he feels like he failed at being a good example for her. More than once Karenn would’ve found Nevra sitting alone, completely lost in his thoughts and not even noticing she was there. She simply hugs him from behind, quietly. Karenn admires Nevra, and of course she loves him after being the only adult figure she had after they left their parents behind in their past.
Karenn is a teen during TO, so she wanted more freedom than Nevra probably wanted to give her. It’s not like Nevra was a strict old brother, but he was worried about how she was going to grow up and that ended up in some arguments. Still, their bond was too strong to be broken.
Valkyon used to bite his nails when he was stressed.
Ezarel copes with stressful situations by biting his bottom lip or tapping over surfaces. Ewelein had to gift him lip balm because his lips were filled with little wounds.
I’ve seen people think Ezarel may have an issue with alcohol, but I actually believe that he despises it. He used to like going drinking with Valkyon and Nevra until he found out that alcohol only brought him to his worst moments, until he was found crying a few times while being drunk. Now every time he goes to a party he simply acts along to have fun but without drinking. He prefers standing everyone else drunk than get himself all sad during a supposed fun night.
Valkyon, Nevra and Ezarel actually had deep conversations late at night as they walked around the city. During those conversations they three showed their most vulnerable side to each other, maybe asking advice or venting about anything that had been troubling them.
The reason why Chrome talks so much is because he was a lonely kid who was literally educated in the HQs. Before that, he had to survive without his parents and without being able to feel connected to a family. He didn’t know that deep inside the only thing he tried to find is the warmth of a family, and luckily he found it on the HQs. So the reason why he acts so immature is due to the lack of education he received in his childhood, which is basically none.
I believe he wasn’t aware of being in love with Karenn at first. He wasn’t taught the concept of what love is, and he found out about it when talking about it to Alajéa, who clearly teased him over it for probably months… He has been truly ashamed of sharing his feelings with anyone since that moment. Karenn considered dating Chrome, but for her, they were too young for that, so she didn’t think about that subject until they both were adults.
Leiftan is quick to blame himself even for things he can’t control.
A NEW ERA:
The reason why Lance is letting his hair get long is to feel closer to Valkyon. The last time he saw him, Valkyon had his hair long, that’s why Lance, for the first time in his life, decided to let his hair grow.
In contrast to Valkyon, Lance asked to forget about his birthday and do not celebrate it at all. He doesn’t think he deserves a present or a party related to him.
The thought of ending it all has been on his mind for a long while but he tried to replace that negativity by thinking that he had to be useful for the HQs to show that he was feeling regret for breaking so many hearts there. He wants to show that he really didn’t want to kill his brother at any moment. He feels like before dying he has to try to ask forgiveness first.
When Leiftan came out from the crystal, he had a hard time accepting Valkyon was dead. He even asked Nevra where he was and that just made Nevra get even more mad at Leiftan for that. Leiftan thought it was all simply a bad dream, or that is what he wanted to think.
After Ezarel left the HQ, he had difficulty falling asleep, the reason why he had to use a lot of natural herbs for the desperation of being exhausted but not able to sleep.
Nevra has a hard time watching Lance smile or laugh as he has the same smile as Valkyon.
Nevra and Karenn’s bond stopped being so close when Karenn became an adult and since the incident of the crystal happened. Nevra changed and Karenn was tired of standing the behavior he had of going back to that ladies’ man mask. With time Nevra realized that he can’t really keep going without her support. He may receive comments from people but the only one he cares about is Karenn’s words.
Mathieu is aware that Lance sees him as his little brother as a way to make him feel like a good old brother. And he currently tries to act like a good guide and care for Mathieu all he is capable of.
Unluckily Lance still gets some anxiety whenever he sees Mathieu is actually acting like a good close friend, as he tends to push away the minimum affection he sees in others towards him. That’s why he might suddenly act colder or more distant, but not because he hates Mathieu, just because he doesn’t know how to accept affection.
Leiftan wouldn’t mind sacrificing himself. That’s actually the only way he’d be able to forgive himself completely.
Mathieu has had to deal with Lance breaking down more than once and trying to cheer him up. Unluckily Lance almost always pushed him away, but Mathieu insisted on staying right there. It’d be the very few times when Lance would let himself be hugged by someone.
Mathieu stopped feeling so alone when he arrived at Eldarya, since in the human world he barely had any stable friendship.
Ezarel used to write letters to Nevra once in a while to update everyone about what he was doing. But he wanted to bury the past where it was, and that’s why he decided to try to move on with his life and not think about coming back to Eldarya. It took him time to not do so, but he only went further away so he wouldn’t think about the chance of coming back again.
He would have loved to go to the human world and even get to know that Gardienne was back. Thanks to her he learnt that humans are interesting creatures and he definitely would have loved to see the technology development there.
When Nevra realized that he got no answer from his letters to Ezarel anymore, he got anxious and tried to convince Huang Hua to go on an expedition to find Ezarel and make sure he was alright. Huang Hua just told him to forget about Ezarel. He was probably doing his life and they couldn’t do much for someone who decided to leave on their own. Nevra absolutely hated that, and he wanted to go to search for him, but he had no idea about his location anymore.
So whatever happened to Ezarel would now be not known for anyone in the HQs.
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Three of Swords, upright- heartbreak, emotional pain, sorrow, grief, hurt
Hear me out, i hate everything about how they handled the potion fiasco but it has so much good angst potential and it’s very easy to draw angst okay, it’s inspiring lol Also i’m very happy i finally did a semi good job on a tarot card
I don’t really know a lot about tarot so don’t quote me on any of this lol;;;
