Thank you so much to everybody who had advice on my question last night, but especially @rubyvroom and @electrofall, who reminded me that this is not much about me and very much about them just saving money. Which helped a lot, as exactly what I was afraid of happened: he wouldn’t take no for an answer at first, overrode my little rehearsed speech about why I didn’t feel comfortable, and came back two more separate times over the course of the morning to ask if I was sure and it would be very low stress and all they wanted was someone with a nicer camera in a nice location and I don’t even have to edit them (says he, but I know he would not have been satisfied) and am I sure?
Which, the third time he asked, I was finally like, “yes, [name], I am sure, I was up until 3:00 last night agonizing over this, I have lost sleep over this, I don’t know why but the very idea of doing this makes me anxious and flushed and uncomfortable and now, with you asking yet again, I can feel myself getting very anxious and hot all over again and I do not like it, and I really just do not think this is a good idea for me, I’m sorry, I can’t.”
BUT the good news is that was finally enough to make him back off. He’s a nice guy and I know he didn’t mean it maliciously, but again, he’s not used to hearing “no,” and I don’t think he realized how overbearing and bullying he was being about the whole darn thing until I really started to get upset. (Not trying to excuse his behavior or defend him; he was being a bully, even if he didn’t intend to make me anxious, and he should have taken my “no” the first time I gave it to his fiancee last night. But he didn’t, because he doesn’t know he’s being a bulldozer until he suddenly doesn’t get his way. Even in something relatively small like this.)
ANYWAY. I said no and stuck to it, thanks in part to everyone’s advice here, and as unsettled I was afterwards we still had friendly small talk over lunch and he doesn’t seem to hate me, which is good, AND
WAY MORE IMPORTANTLY I had my first dental cleaning since age ten whereupon the completion of said cleaning I do not have to have a single filling or crown. Not one. Not one extra visit; I’m good for six more months. To be honest, I got ten times more choked up thanking him than I did with the job offer last week.
