#elephanttalks

[sozospokane]

The Elephant in My Room

When I set out to publish the Elephant Talks blog series, it was intended to be a series of stories about dealing with the things God brings about in our lives to bring us closer to Him. As the curator of the blog, I ended up writing a few of them, but didn’t feel like God was bringing a whole lot to the surface in the midst of the series. So I asked about elephants and God in His faithfulness and mercy showed me the elephant that has been crushing me for two years. Here is my story; this is my elephant.

Most of you know a bit of my history, but for those who don’t, quick synopsis: I spent a lot of time in college, earned a Bachelors and a Master’s degree, and knew that I was called to serve Sozo Church, but also have a lot of education, which opens the, hypothetical possibility for doing many things in business world as well. Growing up in the church and in a highly encouraging family, I had a really vivid idea of what success was going to look like in my life, both personally and professionally, which led me to work very hard for those successes.

Grad school is hard; it is a privileged hard, but challenging nonetheless (Robert will concur if you ask him). During the writing of my thesis, I developed a mindset of work hard, play hard. I started to think that life was hard, so I deserved to do and have whatever I wanted in my free time. If I wanted chocolate cake, well then I deserved it because I was working hard. If I wanted to binge watch a tv show, then I should because school was taxing and I needed to relax. Not that any of the things were wrong or bad in and of themselves, but it developed a lifestyle of entitlement that slowly, but steadily eroded my happiness and my heart for serving. For two years I had been letting this elephant grow larger and larger until it was suffocating me. So when I finally got up the guts to ask God if there was an elephant of sin in my life. He answered and it hurt, but it set me free.

It’s easy to say that It’s all about Jesus, and to a certain extent it is easy to work for it’s all about Jesus, but I fell into the trap of keeping a portion of my life where it got to be all about me, because all the other areas of work and volunteering were all about Jesus. He wants all of it. And by His grace and mercy and the gift of repentance bestowed, He must have all of my life, because that’s where desire is truly fulfilled and true happiness and comfort are found. They are found in Jesus. So the stereotypical Sunday school answer is right; Jesus.

~Megan

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The Elephant of How

Genesis 17: 15-17 -- And God said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name. I will bless her, and moreover, I will give you a son by her. I will bless her, and she shall become nations; kings of peoples shall come from her.” Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed and said to himself, “Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?”

Thank God I am not alone in my confusion and I thank Him for His sense of humor and grace in my reaction.  God has made promises and called me to tasks and accomplishments that are far larger than the mindset and the life of now. My reaction is so often first Abraham’s, shock and incredulity; I love the wording of it, he fell on his face and laughed. Isaac’s arrival into the world was both a promise and a call. Abraham was not only requested to trust that God would bring about the promise of a son, but also to trust that when he did what God asked, God would do that which only He could do.

This elephant is a peculiar one in that I am so often hugely aware that I have no idea what the plan is or who I am supposed to be and it seems to be God who is ignoring the issue at hand. I panic each and every time. The panic has lessened over the years as I’ve gotten older, but still, God speaks to me about who I am or His work in my life and I flip out, desperately trying to figure out how it all will work out and what I am supposed to do. How am I supposed to logically believe that the promise will come about or that He will get me to the place to be all that He has called me?

The Elephant of How is solved with this simple principle; trust His heart, hear His voice. How does it all work? Thank God, He is faithful and He has the big picture and figuring it all out is not my problem or task, it is His. At the end of it all we are led to the same conclusion as Job, who in 42:3b and 5 repents and says, “Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know… I had heard by the hearing of my ear, but now my eye sees you.” I believe that the elephant leaves when I come to the realization, again, that the How is His and His alone. I position myself to listen for His instruction, to be faithful to take the next step in this present moment, and then rest in the knowledge that this is all about Him.  ~Megan

[sozospokane]

The Elephant of Questioning

When I first started going to church, I was at a stage in my relatively new faith that I found my mind swirling with questions.  Yet, I felt that to be a Christian was to walk in blind faith and that to ask the questions was to, in a way, sacrifice my new faith at the altar of my intellect.  Then when I finally gained the courage to ask some of what I saw as the ‘less volatile’ questions I had, it never seemed that the answers were substantive nor what I was actually looking for.  I was frustrated because I wanted to understand the faith, but I was uncertain of whether I could with my brain intact.  I was inclined to academic study, but thought I had to live in a constant state of bad faith if I was to pursue it.

The elephant in the room at that time was that of questions.  Could I have these doubts and these questions and still be a Christian?  Could I think critically about what I was being taught without being ostracized from the church?  Were there actually answers out there that didn’t require me to check my brain at the door?  I was terrified that to ask questions was to turn my back on God.

The problem was that I had too narrow of an understanding of God.  I thought perhaps God was just waiting for me to show a lack of faith so that He could strike me down; however, that isn’t the case.  As I started to study theology and classics from people like Saint Augustine and others in the early church, I found they wrestled with many of the same questions I had (and still have).  These great leaders of the faith didn’t have it all figured out either and they used their reason as they approached questions of God and Scripture.  God didn’t strike them down for their inquiry, but rather, met them in it.

I discovered that to ask questions often does not constitute a lack of faith (although it can), but rather, we have questions because a healthy faith builds in us a desire to understand and know the God we worship.  As Saint Augustine said in a sermon, “Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore, seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand.”  We may not find all of the answers to our questions, but we need not be afraid of seeking them out.  Because when we ask questions in the church, we are in good company.  When we seek out answers in faith God rewards us with understanding and sometimes gives us peace to simply live in the mystery.

- Robert

[sozospokane]

The Elephant of Letting Go

Let It Go.

Since the introduction of this phrase in Disney musical format, just the words themselves are enough to make most adults cringe and look to stop whatever singing is inevitably bound to continue unless abruptly interrupted. Having interacted with many members of the under 7 age category within the last two years, I understand this reaction, but something happened in my heart the last time my niece informed me that she had a really great cd we should listen to and those fateful first notes floated from her Hello Kitty cd player; I actually listened to the words. The song tells a story about letting go by giving up and running away from a situation that has gotten out of the main character’s control. God speaks to a deep part of me and mentions how often I do the very same thing to avoid the difficult places and scars in my life. With that realization, I see the elephant wave from the corner and that is when I wince.

There are things that I know I have been called to do and to be… or at least I am pretty sure. And then there’s the reality that I am not good enough, strong enough, energetic enough, a lot of things enough to do and be all of those things. There is a black gunk that threatens to coat my heart; original sin, generational sin, societal sin, all of it is working against me and I so often succumb to the idea that I must hide myself and build walls to protect myself and all those around me, which in turn blocks me from being who I am for me and for those God has placed in my life. It’s so much easier to give up and run away. To stay in the midst of the work in my life while letting go of the illusion of control, the worry about what pain might come, the fear of failure, that is the hard part. However, it has proven true that letting go and trusting in God provides the freedom to hold on to  the promises of God’s grace, His faithfulness, and the steadfastness of His salvation in me.  When we trust in God by giving up our desire to be in control, we are leaning into Him for strength instead of running away from that which confronts us.  

Let It Go. Easier sung than done, but when we see that our God is the answer for everything, absolutely everything, then the cost of hanging on steadily climbs higher than the cost of letting go. ~Megan

[sozospokane]

The Elephant of Trust

I find myself sitting on the floor of the kitchen having a staring contest with the dog. The elephant in the room right now is that I have a blog post due in less than 12 hours and I still haven’t started. There have been lots of elephants in my house. I see them and figure out ways to gracefully trip around them while living life. They can be so easy to avoid; the dishes need to be done, laundry needs to be folded, emails should be written, I should call my mother, there are books to be read and ways to figure out how to be a better person. As long as they are managed properly the elephant doesn’t get too big and can be ignored… right up until it takes over.

Lately my elephant is the need to trust. Not the trust that carries you through the dark times when all hope is lost; no, that trust is easy for me. When God is my only option, I have no trouble choosing Him. I don't claim to understand any or all of the hard stuff, but I trust He does. The trust that eludes is the kind that justifies day after day of an ordinary existence. I don’t wish for hard times; I dream of grandeur and the blessed existence of a full and meaningful life. I work for it and I believe for it, but it has yet to arrive. 

It sounds so horribly ungrateful and I get that. I am undoubtedly and incredibly blessed, but there are still dreams unfulfilled and hopes waiting dormant. In the midst, God asks the question: Do you trust Me? My head says yes, but the scars on my heart from years of deferred hope muffle the deepest answers. So I scoot the elephant over on the couch and curl up next to it, knowing that the mammoth sitting in my room isn’t always a monument to my struggle with the illusion of control, but more often than not, an expression of His great faithfulness. ~ Megan

[sozospokane]

Elephant Talks

Hello! Sozo is back in the blogosphere and so excited to be here!!

These last few months have been busy ones with joining together as two congregations to express the reality of God’s love and glory in Spokane. As we move forward in this mission, we hope that this blog will encourage you in your journey of faith and bring about a greater revelation of Jesus in your life.

For the fall semester, Sozo just launched a new series called The Elephant in the Room. This sermon series takes a verse by verse look at Isaiah 64 and examines the topics God points out to us that must be addressed in order for us to continue to grow closer to Him and more effective in glorifying His name. As a part of the series, there will be a concurrent series of blog posts from members of Sozo sharing their stories of when God addressed an elephant in the room of their life. Each of these stories come from people who know what it is to wrestle with issues theological and practical that they wanted to ignore, but God pointed out and intervened on their behalf to bring glory to His name and wholeness to their life.

I am so excited for this series; the topics addressed in Isaiah are deep and if we allow God to work in our hearts, this will be a life changing time for all involved.  Thank you for following us and for taking the time to read the blog. We really appreciate it.  If you are challenged, encouraged, or moved in some fashion, please let us know! Share, like, comment, tell your story, join us on Sunday mornings and in community groups; be a part of what’s happening.  Have a great week and we’ll talk again soon.  - Megan