May 22, 2025
ZZZ Robots in a Nutshell (Excluding Bangboo)
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ZZZ Robots in a Nutshell (Excluding Bangboo)
💿This weekend was Record Store Day, celebrating independent record stores around the world~!
Did you stop by Bardic Needle for a signed copy of Astra Yao's live EP "f.f"? Astra made sure to grab a Joran de Winter record as well.
What's your favorite ZZZ EP so far? Let us know below!
Our team has them all on repeat as we prepare for contributor apps, scheduled to open May 25. Thank you for your continued support as we proceed with this project and head into 2.0 very soon!!🧡
okay so hoyoverse made one of the baddest bitches alive(?)
Y/N Dies of a Caffeine Overdose and Lycaon Finds Your Corpse in a Public Bathroom
Read on ao3 here:
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
It was a day like any other for the employees of Victoria Housekeeping. Rina was ordering her Bangboos (Bangboo? Bangbi?) to dust the bookshelf, Ellen was holding the vacuum cleaner in one hand while tapping at her phone in the other, and Corrin was busy being useless.
In the middle of the room stood Von Lycaon, proud and diligent president of the company, the pocket watch in his paw reflecting gilded sunlight onto snowy fur. In a smooth, practiced motion, he stowed the watch in his breast pocket, sighing.
“Corrin, although I admire your tenacity, your performance has been lacking this morning. I have noticed a twenty-two percent decline in incomprehensible sobbing from you today, and an almost seventy percent decrease in rampant property destruction. At this rate, you are never going to hit your quota.”
“Ah!” squeaked Corrin as she tripped over thin air, catching herself by stabbing her saw blade into their very rich client’s very expensive and irreplaceable rug. The rug spontaneously burst into flames. The pair looked at it for a second, before Corrin practically slammed her head into the ground. “I-I’m very sorry for not meeting your expectations, Mr. Lycaon!”
“It is quite alright Corrin, we each have our off days. However, may I inquire as to the reason for your lapse in focus? If there is any way in which I may assist you in upholding your ‘dojikko-moe’ character, as the kids these days call it, I shall be happy to lend you my aid.”
“Please… please don’t ever say that again, boss,” Ellen muttered emotionlessly, blood trickling from her ears.
“Well, you see, Mr. Lycaon… I-It’s [Y/N].”
Lycaon raised an eyebrow. “The Proxy?”
“Yes! I’m just so worried about them, Mr. Lycaon… Oh, they’re not in danger or anything! At least, I don’t think so…”
Lycaon did that thing that hot fictional men do where they put their index finger and thumb on their chin. “Would you care to elaborate, Corrin?”
“Oh, yes! Well, it started last week…”
One week ago
After two hours of crashing into every single person who walked by, Corrin finally managed to escape the train station and step into Sixth Street. It was one of her favorite places to visit, as it was never too loud and there were plenty of alleyways she could duck into to break down crying at a moment’s notice.
Unfortunately, Corrin did not have time for a nervous breakdown today, as she was here to run an important errand for Victoria Housekeeping: namely, to repair their Butler Bangboo that she mistook for an Ethereal yesterday before promptly brutalizing it with her fully charged EX Special Attack. Now, if she remembered correctly (a rare occurrence), she just had to turn this corner to get to the Turbo Remodeling Shop…
“FUCKING SHIT GOD DAMN IT I’M GOING TO END IT ALL!”
At the sudden string of expletives, Corrin yelped and dove headfirst into the nearest trash can, startling the cats that happened to be sleeping inside and leaving Corrin with a fresh set of claw marks on her face.
“W-What was that?” Corrin whimpered, peeking around the corner. The noise, she now recognized, was coming from the music shop, Bardic Needle.
“WHAT DO YOU M E A N, I’M OUT OF MASTER COPIES??? I HAD HUNDREDS OF THOSE LITTLE SHITS SAVED UP!!!”
A tired, robotic sigh echoed across the street. “Please, [Y/N], this is quite inelegant-”
“QUIET, ELFY, OR I’M DOWNLOADING YOUR AI INTO A B-RANK W-ENGINE!”
That was [Y/N]’s voice! But what exactly was upsetting them so much, Corrin wondered, as she trepidatiously slid open the door.
“H-Hello, Master Pro-”
“CORRIN SWEETIE PLEASE YOU HAVE TO HELP ME I’M LOSING MY MIND,” [Y/N] screeched, causing Corrin to flinch and knock over an antique record player.
The legendary Proxy was hunched over in the middle of the store surrounded by a comically large pile of nearly identical music disks, hair completely frazzled, eyes bloodshot, looking as though they had just snorted several lines of Ether powder. Elfy stood in the only uncluttered corner of the room, hands dragging down her face, muttering to herself about closing down the shop and taking a swan dive into the nearest Hollow because Corruption couldn’t possibly be worse than this. Corrin hadn’t realized that robots could have bags under their eyes.
Corrin cleared her throat. “You seem to be in a lot of trouble… M-May I ask what is bothering you, Master Proxy?”
[Y/N] visibly took a deep, shaky breath, and tried to lower their voice. “Well, you see… I’m trying to farm Fanged Metal Drive Disks for mommy sorry I mean mommy sorry I mean mommy sorry I mean Jane Doe, but these stupid things KEEP GIVING ME HP AND DEF SUBSTATS!!”
Corrin cowered in fear at the sudden volume, but [Y/N] continued to raise their voice to a howl. “AT THIS RATE I’M NEVER GOING TO REACH 420+ ANOMALY PROFICIENCY FOR MY TOP TIER S-RANK DUMMY THICC HOT RAT DOMMY MOMMY WAIFU! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!”
“Please, try to calm down, Master Proxy! I-I don’t exactly understand any of what you just said, but I’m sure it’s very complicated Proxy things that I’m not knowledgeable enough to understand… A-Anyways! Let’s try to think about how to approach this!”
Corrin frowned. “You mentioned earlier that you were ‘out of Master Copies’, whatever that means, but… Is there a way to get more of them? O-Or, maybe there’s another way to get…” she looked around at the hundreds of music disks piled on the floor, “…whatever it is that you need, without them?”
“I can’t get any more Hi-Fi Master Copies,” [Y/N] groaned, “I’ve already maxed out my Fortnite Battle Pass this season. And the only other way to get these is through Routine Cleanup, but I’ve already used my Battery Charge for today… Unless…”
[Y/N]’s eyes widened.
“OF COURSE! I just need to get more Battery Charge, and then I can suck the military’s dick for CDs as much as I want! And the best way to do that is…”
[Y/N] turned around, crouched down into a running start, and tore through the wall of Bardic Needle, leaving behind a [Y/N] shaped hole.
“CAFFEINE!!!” echoed their voice, leaving Corrin and Elfy to stare at the now-demolished music store.
“W-Well, I’m glad I could help?” Corrin called back, hesitantly.
Elfy very calmly turned around, sat down in her chair, and began a factory reset.
Present day
“So, then they went to the coffee shop, you said?” Lycaon asked, rubbing his temple.
“Yes, Mr. Lycaon! I spoke with the barista later. Apparently they had a heated argument, because he’s only supposed to serve customers one coffee per day, but he gave up after [Y/N] threatened to drink a k-cup mixed with ketchup and orange juice.”
“I… see…” Lycaon frowned, unsure as to how to process this.
“Was it with or without pulp?” Rina asked, scribbling in her cookbook. Her two Bangbongle flew out from the drawer they were cleaning.
“Ewwwww, orange juice with pulp fucking sucks!” Drusilla pitched in.
“Fucking sucks! Fucking sucks!” Anastella parroted.
“Rina, for the sake of our clients’… survival, I would urge you not to replicate the Proxy’s handiwork in a professional setting,” Lycaon coughed, as Rina’s Bangbussy giggled to each other.
“Do it when I’m around,” Ellen said, “I kinda wanna try it.”
“Ahem. Returning to the matter at hand,” Lycaon gave a pointed look to Rina and her Boob, “I do not understand much about the underlying issue myself, but I am concerned about how much stress it seems to be putting the Proxy through. Corrin, was this the last time you spoke with them?”
“Yes, Mr. Lycaon, I-I tried to message them several times this week but they didn’t respond, and when I went back to their video store there was only the Bangboo at the front desk… I’m really worried about them, Mr. Lycaon…”
Lycaon sighed. “It is no wonder you have been struggling as of late.” He retrieved his pocket watch and flipped it open. “Well, as proud representatives of Victoria Housekeeping, it would be quite unbefitting of us to leave a client in want of assistance, would it not?”
He smiled and reached down to pat Corrin’s head, who squeaked and leaned into his paw. “Don’t worry, Corrin, I’ll go check in on them, to make sure that our friend is doing okay.”
The mood was becoming too fluffy for a crack fic, so Corrin promptly tripped and broke a vase that was filled to the brim with live spiders.
~~~
After sending the Proxy a message and confirming that there was no response, the first place Lycaon investigated was the Random Play video store. He was greeted only by the cheerful ehn-nas of Bangboo 18, which was disappointing but expected.
He then tried Bardic Needle, which was permanently closed. Listening to the gossip on the street, he learned that the owner of the place had transferred her consciousness into a Bangboo and ran off into the night to find a new calling in life. To each their own, Lycaon supposed.
Finally, Lycaon walked into Coff Cafe, and was greeted by a robot slumped over on the bar.
“Ugh… I swear to god, [Y/N], if you keep coming in like this, your next coffee will have cockroach powder in- Oh wait, you’re not [Y/N]!”
Tin Master looked up at Lycaon and sagged noticeably in relief.
Lycaon raised an eyebrow. “Good morning to you, sir. As a matter of fact, I have come here for the purpose of inquiring about that very person. You’ve seen [Y/N]?”
Tin Master groaned. “Been taken hostage by them, more like.” The robot slammed his head down onto the bartop. “Yes, I’ve seen them. For the past week, they’ve been coming into my cafe every ten minutes to order a coffee. Twenty. Four. Hours. A day.”
The barista sighed. “I know that my cafe is open 24 hours, but even us robots need some downtime to recharge, you know? But every time I try to explain that to them, they just pull out a thermos of that horrid concoction…” He shuddered. “I’ve had to run on low power mode just to survive! Isn’t it awful?”
Lycaon blinked. “I… am very sorry to hear that, sir. Are they here right now?”
“Yeah, they went to use the bathroom. That was what, ten minutes ago, now?” Tin Master looked up at the clock and squinted blearily. He rubbed his eyes. “Huh, I could’ve sworn it hasn’t been that long.. I guess my internal clocks are malfunctioning from battery deprivation.”
Lycaon tried to quell the rising anxiety in his throat. “May I ask sir, how long ago did they enter the bathroom?”
“About two and a half hours ago.”
Lycaon’s eyes widened. “And they’re still in there?”
“I never saw them walk out, that’s for sure.”
Lycaon sprinted past the disoriented barista and slid to a stop in front of the single-stall bathroom. He hurriedly knocked on the door. “Master [Y/N], are you in there? Can you hear me?”
He placed his ear against the door. He faintly picked up on weak gurgling that his heightened Thiren senses were able to identify as that of the Proxy.
“Master Proxy! Forgive my intrusion, but I am opening this door to confirm your safety! Yell at me if you wish for me to stop!” Lycaon shouted as he broke open the lock with one swift kick (he made a mental note to reimburse Coff Cafe later). He pulled, and the door swung open.
The bathroom was a complete mess. The mirrors and tiles that were normally kept, according to Tin Master’s sanitary standards, “shinier than my ex-wife’s crocodile tears during the custody battle, like, she had artificial tear ducts installed into her frame and everything,” were spattered with speckles of fresh and vaguely coffee-scented vomit. In the middle of the carnage was [Y/N], slumped over and drowning in the toilet bowl.
“Proxy!” Lycaon yelled in alarm. His cybernetic leg pistons fired as he propelled himself towards [Y/N], grabbing them by the collar out of the toilet with one hand and steadying them with the other.
[Y/N] coughed and sputtered, dangling limply from Lycaon’s arms. Their skin had turned a deathly pallor, and Lycaon could see their cheekbones - when had the Proxy last eaten anything of substance? They opened their eyes. “Wha- Huh? Where am I-”
“[Y/N]! You are currently located in the lavatory of the Coff Cafe establishment on Sixth Street. What happened? Do you require me to call you an ambulance?”
The video store manager groaned. “Probably, yeah, I think I might’ve had too much caffeine- urp-” They gulped, then turned around and threw up violently in the toilet. “Uh, shit.”
There was now a bloody mess inside of the toilet. “That’s not good,” [Y/N] mumbled, blood dripping from their mouth. “Chat, I think I grinded too hard.”
They collapsed.
“Proxy!” Lycaon yelled, catching [Y/N]. He pulled them close to his chest, and took out his cellphone. “I am going to call an ambulance for you, Master, just stay with me!”
[Y/N] closed their eyes, sighing dreamily. “Oooohhh… I can’t believe I get to spend my last moments on earth cradled in the arms of a furry butler sexyman… My life’s mission has been fulfilled, now I can die in peace.”
Lycaon paused, and coughed into his hand. “You will have to pardon my coarse language, Master Proxy, but I must ask: What the actual fuck?”
[Y/N] took one final breath, and went limp in his arms.
“Proxy? Proxy?!” Lycaon shouted, checking for a pulse. Their heartbeat was as still as a rock.
“No… Proxy!!!”
~~~
The funeral was a sombre one in spite of [Y/N]’s efforts to “spice it up”, according to their will. At one point, an unnecessarily high-quality animatronic made to resemble [Y/N]’s rotten corpse violently burst from the ground, causing Nicole, Billy, and Corrin to faint. Corrin somehow managed to land on the casket and smashed it open, creating even more chaos as everybody scrambled to repair it. Anby was the only person who found it funny, which [Y/N] would’ve considered a win in their book.
Ben, the executor of the will, downed two bottles of aspirin. (As unwilling as he was to set up pranks for a day of mourning, the terms of the will were VERY clear and legally bulletproof. Ben wondered how much money [Y/N] spent on lawyers and elaborate props for this. He also wondered why they had to choose him, of all people.)
Rina floated over to where Lycaon was standing.
“You realize it’s not your fault, dear,” she said to him with a saddened expression, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. Even her usually energetic Bag were silent today. “You did everything you could.”
“I know, Rina. It’s just…” Lycaon hung his head. “I have failed my clients in the past, over the course of my career. But never before have I had one lose their life while under my watch. Not just a client, a comrade …” He clenched his fist. “I should have been there sooner.”
“Not even you can be everywhere at once, Lycaon,” Rina reassured him. “At the very least, you made sure that they weren’t alone when they passed away. Speaking of which,” she tilted her head, “What were their last words?”
Lycaon thought about it for a second.
He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Fuck.”
elfy from zenless zone zero is agender, femme, and uses it/its pronouns (headcanon)
submitted by @aetsher
Two of my favorite 6th Street ladies 🥰
hello? how is there no grace/elfy art or writing? how have I not seen Grace knuckle deep in Elfy rearranging her circuitry and vice versa?
Me: *Playing the Gravity Cinema Event* Elfy Elfy Elfy Elfy~