#elim garak quote

[itisnotanillusion]

I'll just leave this quote from "A Stitch In Time" here for you.

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Garak: Major, I don't think I've ever seen you looking so ravishing.

- "Second Skin"

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Garak Comes in Handy

Garak: Gul Benil...

Benil: You are not Kobheerians!

Garak: Very observant of you! Now turn your ships around.

Benil: Excuse me?!

Garak: This is an Alpha Red priority mission, clearance verification 9218 Black. By authority of the Central Command, you are ordered to turn your ships around, erase all records of this encounter from your logs and talk of it to no-one. Is that clear?

Computer: (bleeping) Clearance code verified.

Benil: My apologies. I had no idea.

Garak: You were doing your duty. End transmission. (sighs)

Sisko: Mr. Garak, I'm impressed.

Garak: It was just something I overheard while I was hemming someone's trousers.

- “Second Skin”

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Garak: Commander, I've already told the good doctor everything I know.

Sisko: I'd like to hear it again firsthand.

Garak: This is pointless. Believe me, there's nothing you can do. If my friend is correct, and Major Kira is being held by the Obsidian Order, retrieving her would be impossible.

Odo: Impossible for us, maybe, but not for you.

Garak: I'm afraid you overestimate my abilities.

Sisko: I hope not, because I intend to put your abilities to the test. The three of us are going to Cardassia.

Garak: The three of us? You can't be serious. Commander, if I were allowed on Cardassia, do you really think I'd be living here?

Sisko: Which brings up an interesting point. There are certain ministers in the Bajoran government who are concerned about your presence on this station. In fact, they want you removed. Right now, I see no alternative but to honour their request. Unless, of course, I can show them how you might be valuable to us.

Odo: Rescuing Kira would go a long way toward improving your standing with the Bajoran government.

Garak: Why should I care what the Bajoran government thinks of me?

Sisko: I don't know. But it seems to me if someone were in trouble with the Cardassian Central Command, a Bajoran space station under Federation control might just be the safest place in the galaxy.

Garak: Commander, this is extortion.

Sisko: Yes. It is. We'll be travelling under false transit documents prepared by Starfleet Intelligence. Mister O'Brien has reconfigured the shield harmonics of the Defiant so that, on long-range sensors, it'll appear to be a Kobheerian freighter. We leave in three hours.

Garak: I'll go along on your fool's errand, but I want one thing to be perfectly clear. I have no intention of sacrificing my life to save yours. If it looks like we're in danger of being captured, if there's any signs of trouble at all, you're on your own.

Sisko: Mister Garak, I believe that's the first completely honest thing you've ever said to me.

Garak: How perceptive of you, Commander.

--

After posting the GIF version of this the other day, thought I would post the entire scene with the dialog, including Sisko’s line at the end.

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From “In the Pale Moonlight” (DS9 6x19)

Because I will never, EVER tire of this scene...

Transcript (Source)

(Sisko the Thunder God storms in and hits Garak, sending him flying.)

Sisko: Get up. You killed him.

Garak: That's right.

Sisko: That's what you planned to do all along, isn't it. You knew the data rod wouldn't hold up to scrutiny. You just wanted to get him on the station so you could plant a bomb on his shuttle.

Garak: It wasn't quite that simple. I did have hopes that the rod would somehow pass inspection, but I suspected that Tolar may not have been up to the task.

Sisko: And what about Tolar? Did you kill him too?

Garak: Think of them both as tragic victims of war.

(Sisko punches Garak again.)

Garak: If you can allow your anger to subside for a moment, you'll see that they did not die in vain. The Romulans will enter the war.

Sisko: There's no guarantee of that.

Garak: Oh, but I think that there is. You see, when the Tal Shiar finishes examining the wreckage of Vreenak's shuttle, they'll find the burnt remnants of a Cardassian optolythic data rod which somehow miraculously survived the explosion. After painstaking forensic examination, they'll discover that the rod contains a recording of a high level Dominion meeting at which the invasion of Romulus was being planned.

Sisko: And then they'll discover that it is a fraud!

Garak: No, I don't think they will, because any imperfections in the forgery will appear to be a result of the explosion. So, with a seemingly legitimate rod in one hand and a dead senator in the other, I ask you, Captain, what conclusion would you draw?

Sisko:That Vreenak obtained the rod on Soukara and that the Dominion killed him to prevent him from returning to Romulus with it.

Garak: Precisely. And the more the Dominion protests their innocence, the more the Romulans will believe they're guilty because it's exactly what the Romulans would have done in their place. That's why you came to me, isn't it, Captain? Because you knew I could do those things that you weren't capable of doing. Well, it worked. And you'll get what you want, a war between the Romulans and the Dominion. And if your conscience is bothering you, you should soothe it with the knowledge that you may have just saved the entire Alpha Quadrant and all it cost was the life of one Romulan senator, one criminal, and the self-respect of one Starfleet officer. I don't know about you, but I'd call that a bargain.

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From “In the Pale Moonlight” (DS9 6x19)

Because I posted the video of the last two scenes yesterday and love this one, set on a turbolift, as well. Not only does it have Garak saying “It’s best not to dwell on such minutiae,” but it has Sisko uttering what is always my favorite line of his: “What?!”

Transcript (Source)

Garak: Mind if I join you?

Sisko: Be my guest. (Turbolift door closes.) Ops.

Garak: Hold. The less I'm seen parading through Ops, the better.

Sisko: I couldn't agree more.

Garak: You seem angry.

Sisko: Who's watching Tolar?

Garak: I've locked him in his quarters. I've also left him with the distinct impression that if he attempts to force the door open, it may explode.

Sisko: I hope that's just an impression.

Garak: It's best not to dwell on such minutiae. In any case, we have far more important matters to discuss. I've located a gentleman willing to sell us a genuine optolythic data rod.

Sisko: How do you know it's genuine?

Garak: I trust the source, but rest assured I will confirm the rod's authenticity before I make payment. Which brings me to you.

Sisko: How much does he want?

Garak: I'm afraid he's not interested in latinum. The gentleman in question has requested to be compensated with two hundred litres of biomimetic gel.

Sisko: What?

Garak: I don't know why, exactly. One would assume it has something to do with genetic experimentation.

Sisko: Offer him something else.

Garak: Believe me, I wouldn't be relaying this request if I thought he'd take anything else.

Sisko: Biomimetic gel is strictly controlled by the Federation and not for sale at any price. Find someone else who's willing sell us a rod.

Garak: I wasn't exaggerating when I told you about the near impossibility of obtaining a genuine Cardassian data rod. It's something of a minor miracle that I was able to locate this one source, I'm virtually certain I won't find another. I'm afraid we either give him what he wants or forget the whole enterprise.

Sisko: Then let's forget about it. Ops. Hold. Two hundred litres is out of the question. There's not that much gel in the entire sector.

Garak: I believe the quantity is open to negotiation.

Sisko: Ops.

[And then there’s the scene where Julian is pissed about being asked for the stuff, especially because Sisko can’t tell him why he needs it.]

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From “Empok Nor” (5x11)

Garak’s just reported in to O’Brien on killing Killer Cardie #1. He then delivers another report.

Garak: By the way, I took a tissue sample from the soldier's body. The analysis was rather fascinating, in a grim sort of way. It seems the unfortunate soul had been given a massive dose of psychotropic drugs. 

O’Brien: Why? 

Garak: I'm not sure, but I can tell you one thing. It wasn't to make him amicable. The drug's protein structure seems designed to amplify my people's xenophobic tendencies. My guess is that the soldiers that were left here were part of a Cardassian military experiment. The High Command was probably looking for a way to further motivate their troops. 

O’Brien: So they gave them a drug to make them hate anybody but Cardassians? 

Nog: Then why did they attack you? 

Garak: That's a good question. 

O’Brien: Maybe it's an experiment that went wrong. That's why they were left in stasis. They were uncontrollable. 

Garak: I'd love to stay and hypothesize all afternoon, but once I've set my mind to a task, I hate to leave it unfinished. What is it, Chief? 

O’Brien: You look different. 

Garak: How so? 

O’Brien: That's not the face of a tailor. 

Garak: I'm not a tailor. Not for the moment, anyway.

And that last bit, right there, is my favorite dialog of the episode. “I’m not a tailor.” Indeed!

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From “Empok Nor” (5x11)

Garak: Access denied. Access denied. Don't you know how to say anything else? Apparently not. 

Apparently even Garak yells at computers.