#elleunwritten

[elleunwritten]

I thank myself for giving up when I did. For choosing him when I knew I should've.  But mostly I am thankful for those big brown eyes and tan skin that never scare but always pressure me to do my best. I am thankful for the way you walk and talk & how you  present yourself to everyone the same and how you're never shameful of who you are. you have allowed me to be myself. You never lie and your kindness is often looked over because of your strength. but I want you to know I see it.   I want to be more like you, but I thank you for allowing me, to find me

I love you G.L 

elleunwritten

[elleunwritten]

I did what I did

&

I said what I said

Regrets don’t happen at that point of time

Because I did what I did

&

I said what I said

Due to feeling ... dead

Elleunwritten

// I used to be sad

[elleunwritten]

I know you worry about me - but, don’t

[elleunwritten]

Father like...

I plugged my ears not because I didn’t want to listen

but because some how he sounded like my father, using fighting words like honey dripping from his tongue.

The only difference we’re his eyes. His eyes showed he didn’t like hurting me while my fathers only were forgiving when he knew this time, this time, would be the time he lost me.

I told him he couldn’t love me like my father loves me, because that’s not love.

I told him his fists can’t hit the table like that and his voice can’t stay that long in my head. That he can’t hate me for being mad at him and fights aren’t supposed to lead toward sin. I told him that his mom would hate him and soon I would too...

I told him I forgave him...because I know how to forgive the men I love. I told him my dad used to be my Bestfriend too and I told him not to mess this one up.

[elleunwritten]

Scared to love

I wish I knew how to write love stories about blonde hair & green eyes. I wish uneven fuzzy brows and messy hair attracted me

I wish I could write love poems to the bags under my eyes and my heavy mind that really has no reason to be heavy.

Why can't I write anything unless it's about you? 

Loving you comes easier than self-love could any given day...

I know you feel something, I know you feel some way... 

but somehow on nights like these, I can't help but think why it has to be this way.

in seven months we will be doing distance again and I hope somehow by then,

I learn to love myself better, so when your there and I'm here, I can trust you and remind myself this is only for one year.

I  hope you love me like you say and nothing happens when you leave, I hope we stay together and I don't give up. 

I'll try to love myself like I love you

I’m gonna miss you and hope nothing gets in the way of you missing me every night 

the exact same way 

//elle

Entry #1 on my new tumblr 2-2-19