Collab with the coolest @togreblog (enjoy lol this is an angsty one). Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Cassian nearly flattened Nesta against the side of the mountain when he landed on her perch. There was barely enough room for both of them pressed together, and she had to disappear her wings so he had room to balance them against the rock behind her.
Their chests were pressed together, and for two seconds of silence Nesta wondered what he’d be the most angry about. What he’d prioritize over everything else. Her leaving in the middle of a conversation? Ignoring his point about mates? Running away, as usual, from anything serious and having to do with her?
“That was so dangerous,” he exploded, his face inches from hers and his voice making her head jerk back into the mountain wall behind her. “Gods, Nesta, you’ve barely had wings two weeks and you’re just going jumping off roofs? Do you have any idea how stupid —”
“Leave me alone,” she said. Though she had every intention of snapping at him, it was the weakness of her voice that surprised them both into silence.
“I wasn’t finished talking,” he said, more gently this time. “Why did you just leave?”
She looked up at Cassian, with his sharp jawline and shining eyes and beautiful hair. His wings were out on either side of them, keeping them pressed to the wall, but his arms were also braced on either side of her shoulders. He wasn’t going to let her fall. She was stunned that he cared so much about her.
But if she was to tell him about the bond…surely he wouldn’t want her. She knew she wasn’t lovable like Elain or a warrior like Feyre. She wasn’t a queen like Mor. She was a rather plain elder sister, who let her youngest do the work to keep them all alive. And, she remembered, Cassian knew that. He’d known the day they went to Spring to rescue Lucien — practically told her she was at fault. It wasn’t an easy burden to bear, but it was easier knowing the bond aligned them.
As soon as she didn’t have that…as soon as he found out and rejected her…
“Nesta,” he said again. “What’s going on?”
“You scared me,” she offered, not even sure where she was going with the thought but trying, for the sake of her heart, to tell as much truth as possible to her mate.
He looked stung. She didn’t know why. She could barely remember what he was saying in the moment she panicked.
“They make me feel like I’ll be alone forever.”
Cassian’s eyes turned so unbelievably sad that Nesta wrapped her fingers around one of his wrists beside her head.
“I felt like that,” he said, “before I met Rhys and Azriel. Mor did, too, before she had us. I promise it gets better.”
She instantly felt bad; her life had been so short in comparison. He’d likely been alone longer than she’d been alive. And she even had happy memories from her childhood, to a point.
“And, you know, Feyre and Rhys are the exception. You know how much I want what they have? They’re everything for each other. I’ve never seen him so whole — does that even make sense?”
She nodded, and though his eyes never left her face he barely paused for her to agree.
“They talk down the bond and spend weeks in the cabin and there is no doubt, none, in their minds that they want each other. Can you imagine trusting someone that much? Loving someone that much?”
Nesta thought she might combust. He wanted trust and love and a mate, and all he had was her.
“Someone would always want you,” he said, his voice so sincere it made her heart hurt. “But, Nes, not everyone gets that. And you can still love someone just as much, even if you don’t have a mate —”
“I do,” she said, the words jumping from her mouth of their own accord, her face whitening before she even realized what she’d said.
They stared at each other.
“Already?”
She nodded once, her eyes welling inexplicably. And he would ask who, now. He would have to know. And she would lose him.
He only looked bewildered. “Then what are you so afraid of? You won’t be alone forever! The Cauldron assigned someone to you.”
Now she was shaking her head, eyes closed, trying desperately to keep herself from crying.
“Sweetheart…”
“He doesn’t want me,” she said. “He couldn’t love me.”
“You’ve told him? He said that?” Cassian’s forearm flexed under her hand. “Who was it? Someone in our court? Azriel? Oh Gods, was it Tamlin?”
She shook her head harder. “I haven’t.”
“Then how do you know?” he asked, his tone exasperated.
“Because it’s you,” she snapped, opening her eyes and pressing her palms against his shoulders to move his face away from hers. Two tears dropped onto her cheeks as if he’d already rejected her.
The force of her hands gripping his shoulders combined with the force of the mating bond surging to life in his mind, and with his balance thrown off just enough, Cassian and Nesta toppled off the edge of the cliff.
IT’S GETTING STEAMY B @togreblog (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) I’m sorry this literally took me .02 seconds to write
As soon as she’d thought about escaping, she could feel his frustrated reaction. Gods, this was awful. She’d never be able to hide her emotions behind sarcasm again. They’d have to actually communicate.
Worse, he might find out she loved him.
She slammed a wall over the thought as fast as she could. From the look on his face, he didn’t feel it. Hear it. Whatever.
“Nesta,” he said again, inching toward her as if she wouldn’t notice. “Why did you say I wouldn’t want you?”
There were about a thousand reasons, obviously, so she just went with the first. “Look at me.”
She felt a brief wave of bafflement down the bond for a second before it cut off sharply, like he’d tried to block it. “I mean, you were attractive as a human. But now…”
Nesta’s hands reached up to her ears unconsciously.
“Now,” he continued firmly, “you’re strong from training. You’re capable of flying and winnowing. And you’re immortal, which is a plus. Why is this a negative?”
She barreled on. “You don’t like that Rhys is making you train me. You act like I’m dumb every time you talk about Feyre and Rhys’s bond. You—”
“Nes, come on. I don’t think you’re dumb.”
“You always say I won’t understand!”
“Well I didn’t know you had a mate,” he said, clearly exasperated even without the bond sending her his every emotion. He was only a few feet from her now — why wasn’t he getting tired?
“And,” she said, scrambling for more negatives. She didn’t have any. She loved him. What could she possibly say? If only she could convince him to give her some time. If only he had liked he just a little more when she’d spilled the truth. Then she wouldn’t have to talk him out of it at all.
“And?” He asked impatiently. “Does Rhys know? He must. He can’t not know.”
“You don’t like me,” she said, going with the truth out of desperation. If he felt forced to love her, especially after what happened with Mor, he’d never want her. Never. At least if he refused her now he’d save her future pain. “You couldn’t love me.”
He didn’t bother blocking the despair on the bond; he rather flung it at her, forcing her to feel how totally unwanted her words made him feel. Her body actually hurt with the force of his pain. She never wanted him to feel like this again, ever, she —
That’s when his wings gave out.
She rocketed after his falling form, the idiot, who had stayed with her rather than landing like he was supposed to. As she flew, she grew her wings out to their original size. She remembered Mor mocking her wingspan that first day, and stretched them even wider than that.
Any emotion she felt was blocked by utter panic.
When she caught him around the waist, latching on with every muscle, all she could do was press her face into his neck and let her wings act as a parachute.
They slowed.
She exhaled shakily against his shoulder, not looking up until she felt him bump gently against the ground. He was on his back. She was on his chest. She vanished her wings to remove their weight.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes searching his. “I’m so sorry, Cas, I didn’t mean to push you, I —”
Feyre darts up over the roof on her ancient Ash Arrow, pivoting at the last minute to block Mor’s shot with the end of her broomstick. The quaffle rockets back toward the ground, only for Mor to snatch it out of the air and hurl it back up.
Feyre knocks it out of the way again, this time nearly past the back fence. Mor swears.
“What was that?” Feyre asks, smirking as her best friend drops to the ground to retrieve the ball. “Did you say I was the best keeper at Hogwarts? Perhaps in all of Britain?”
“No, I said you and your poor aim can find someone else’s house to live at over the summer.”
Feyre guides her broom to the lawn, settling down beside Mor. “Only one summer left with me anyway, princess, so you don’t have to suffer much longer.”
“Hey,” Mor says, tossing the quaffle at Feyre, who catches it. “No nostalgia until next summer.”
“And not even then,” Feyre says. It’s become a mantra over the past few months as they’ve tried not to think about how everything is almost over.
Yesterday at Diagon Alley, Mor had almost cried while Feyre was buying her sixth pet toad. When Feyre asked why, she could barely explain that if the toad actually lived past Christmas this time, they’d never buy another one together ever again. She was so offended that Feyre laughed at her that she didn’t speak to her again until they reached the quidditch shop for their annual Five Minutes Staring At The Winnower.
Feyre looks down at her Ash Arrow, feeling guilty for wanting something better. She’d earned her place as captain with this broom.
“Come on,” Mor says, taking the quaffle back from Feyre. “My cousin will be here any minute.”
Feyre groans dramatically, following her inside.
“Fey. He’s not that bad.”
“Not bad? He’s my arch nemesis. He’s won the Cup for Slytherin every year we’ve been playing!”
Mor mouth quirks up. “He’s a pretty nice guy.”
“Tamlin always said he wasn’t.”
“And what do we always say about Tamlin?”
Feyre sighs. “He’s a tool.”
“Right. Now go shower. Rhys will be here in, like, three minutes. You want to make a good impression now that you’re on the market,” Mor says, raising an eyebrow suggestively.
“He’s only ever seen me playing quidditch,” Feyre says, leaning her broom against the kitchen wall and starting up the stairs. “He already knows how not cute I can be.”
“Luckily for you,” Mor says, heading toward the door, “he’s into athletes.”
(only four people said they wanted this but surprise here it is anyway! more coming soon. tagging my peeps @illyriantremors, @asteria-astraeus, @propshophannah, @sparkleywonderful, @togreblog)
Additional Tags :: F L U F F, Drunk!Nesta, Tumblr Prompt
Language :: English
Summary :: “ ’m not drunk. Not.” Nesta moves her index finger right under his nose and Cassian has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing right into her face.
“Of course you’re not, sweetheart.”
Okay, let's say I send this ask because I am concerned with my health because if I see a drawing of you of my bbys I might die of heart attack and I'm too young: on the ACOMAF front, IS THERE A CHANCE of you DRAWING CASSIAN AND NESTA?bc they are my bbys i have so many feelings. And, what do you think of the acomaf extra? (this is like, a very strange way of asking if you ship nessian in some ways AND IF U ARE EVER GOING TO DRAW THEM bc i might die and cry and both i love ur art)
This is so cute, but I’m afraid I’mmmmmmmmm... not very interested in the ship, I’m sorry. :c Maas’ many additional ships just seem forced? One day I may finally get to read the extra, but I’m not in a hurry to.
I have been tagged by @biggestdisappointmentinwarfare to discuss my favourite songs of the moment. I briefly touched on this in the previous tag I did, but will go into more details here.
Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier : Honestly, I could listen to Hozier’s voice all day. This song, and the second song on this list are my current writing inspiration.
Foreigner's God - Hozier : As above really. I love all the songs on Hozier’s album, and when I am writing I just listen to this album, but these are the two songs that really stand out to me.
I See Fire - Ed Sheeran : I have loved this song since the first time I watched The Hobbit : The Desolation of Smaug. However, I have recently started listening to it again.
Alive - Sia : Sia’s voice is God! I love everything she does and am in complete awe when I listen to her. This is my favourite Sia song at the moment.
Move your Body - Sia : This is another great song by Sia, that makes me want to get up and move.
Cellophane - Sia : Another song I like to listen to while writing.
This is Gospel - Panic! at the Disco : I listened to the piano version of this, and I was sold. Brendon has the voice of an angel.
Emperor’s New Clothes - Panic! at the Disco : As above really. Excellent song, excellent music video.
And I am tagging @elnabu @vinlandia @lullabystorm @littlebeckychan @insane-coco and anyone who would like to do this one!
