Sometimes I still miss that guy. The one that we could’ve been but I let slipped in my grasp. We have so many things in common. Just like my bestfriend and him have so many similarities. I even called him the guy version of my bestfriend once. Full of sense of humor. Enthusiastic. Same preferences. Kind. Considerate. Bookish. I wonder how is he right now. I wonder if I gave him a chance to prove himself, would we still be together today? Would distance really matter? No. Yes. I don’t know. I shouldn’t be thinking about him. Last time I checked, he’s happy with the love of his life. Yes. He found someone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m also happy for him. It just that at times like this, I think of all those chances I didn’t take. If not only because of my insecurity. If not only because of hesitation. Of fears. Of standards. Perhaps I would be building years of relationship now. Always looking forward. Knowing someone is there for me. I let it all passed. I let good people passed me by. I ought to try. But I didn’t. In all of these; all of my unhappiness, tears and regrets, there’s this tiny voice inside my head blaming him. My first love with whom all my poems are about. If I had not met him. If I was able to forget him as easily as he found someone else, then maybe I was able to open my heart sooner. But pointing finger will not change anything. I just wish someday I will find my happiness like everyone else. I know it’s too much to ask but it’s better than having nothing to hope for.
