Once upon a time there was a girl (Who was totally and one hundred percent not me, like not at all. Nope, no she wasn't. Uh uh, nope totally not me) who had a crush on the single most adorkable guy on her rowing team. He was sweet and cute and talked with her for hours and hours about the show Supernatural and classic cars of which we - THEY, THEY - were both very interested in.
One day the adorkable cute guy came up to the girl and asked to talk to her after their rowing practice where he then asked her if she would like to go with him go-cart racing and later play laser tag. And the land rejoiced that the socially awkward and far too sarcastic for her own girl got her first date! Hooray!
So the girl got ready for the big date and was spazzing like a nut and making her parents look at her like she was certifiably insane (well her mother anyway, her father was grumbling about threatening the lives of certain adorkable boys and looking at his gun cabinet with more fondness than was strictly necessary). She spent most of the time waiting for him running around like a loon and was so excited as she waited for him. Then - at last! - the adorkable boy arrived! They were going on a date!
...Except that the Adorkable Boy was not alone...
No, the Adorkable Boy had brought - you didn't guess it - his dad with him. His dad. His very nice and sweet but totally and completely unexpected omfg what the hell did i actually go insane what do i do dad.
The night, from their, ended in a strange and uncomfortable awkwardness that seemed to stretch on forever as Mr. Adorkable stood too close, made awkward jokes about us - THEM - dating and kept telling horrible jokes - that, actually, where so bad that they were kinda good but that's not really the point. At length the - apparently not a date despite all previous discussions - ended and the girl was left utterly confused and bewildered and the Adorkable Boy and the Too Sarcastic For Her Own Good Girl never went on another not-date again.
Years later the Girl found out from the Adorkable Boy that that night had been his attempt to ease in to asking that girl out on an actual date but then he panicked and asked his dad to help. At this point the girl face palmed, shook her head and was very thankful that the both of them had moved on because what the actual fuck Mike? A "test" date? Do you know what you fucking put me through? I shaved my fucking legs for that date. I plucked my fucking eyebrows. With fucking tweezers. What the actual fuck.
Fucking Adorkable Boys. Fuck them. Fuck all of them.
