Time makes it harder
I do not understand why we fall to the person that never in your existence that that person will going to love you the way you wanted to be love. I spent endless nights thinking of an imaginary person that one day, he will going to find me, fight for me, make me stop imagining and make my imagination a reality. Sometimes, I just wanted to give up finding, waiting and to be optimistic in having the other half of my life. I just want to die when I sleep or drown with my own tears. I made a pact to myself, just another 7 years of life full of regrets and hopelessness... And all things will going to stop. I'll take away my own breath just to not feel again that pains, heartaches, rejections, hatred and loneliness. I always fall to the people who will reject me again and again. I used to tell the person that I really like how I feel towards him. I will count the days 'til I finally met the 4-month rule if it is true emotions toward that person. But I always ended up rejected, devastated, like a person with a knife that stabbed his own heart a million times. Right now, at this very moment that I am typing this piece of whining down, I do not want to tell the person that I really and truely like, because it will ruin every things that I used to love about him. Call it selfish and stupid, I know. But I want to stop this delusion that the person will going to be my soul and companion for the rest of my unhappy life.