Nov 27, 2016
Self Talk #6 About to go to the hospital for a check-up. I'm so nervous!!! I know I can do this. Maybe this time I cam finally get some answers.
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Self Talk #6 About to go to the hospital for a check-up. I'm so nervous!!! I know I can do this. Maybe this time I cam finally get some answers.
Had the most terrible panic attack last night 😭 I felt dizzy and nauseous and then I started hyperventilating because I couldn't breathe and then tears are flowing and it's so cold and my hands are shaking and my face is trembling. I seriously thought I was gonna die. It lasted for about 30 minutes and it has now become the saddest and scariest experience I've ever had in my life 😣
Self Talk #5 Relax. Everything's fine, you're just overthinking again. The test result will not and will never define you. The world isn't going to end if you fail. It's going to be okay. You'll do better regardless of your score. Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own brains. There's no one like you and yes, that's a compliment. I hope you're going to overcome these feelings when you grow older. I hope you're going to outgrow these things that make you unhealthy. These thoughts that live in your head and heart, don't keep them for too long. Cause one day they might eat you and you'll never be able to control them again. You wouldn't find reading and writing stuff like this helpful ever again. Think about how sad that will be. Think about the future, you wouldn't be able to find someone worthy if you yourself isn't one. Love yourself first.
I secretly hope that you accidentally find and read all the things I've written about you.
Funny how the day turned out ok because i wasn't given the opportunity to be alone with my thoughts.
Self-talk #4 I realize now that we're not meant for each other. Why? Because we're the same. And I don't think we'll be happy if we end up together. All we'd do is stare at each other telling ourselves that we're not enough for each other. All we'd do is sleep every night thinking about what tomorrow's sufferings will be. I don't like that for both of us. I hope that we find someone whose going to save us from drowning and keeps pulling us up until we can breathe again. I hope that we find someone who's going to suck out all of our demons living inside us as he/she replaces the void with so much light that our insides almost burst. I hope that we find someone who makes life worth living. I hope we find someone to whom we can't live without, because nothing made sense until they came to our lives. And I hope that we find someone who's going to love us and stay with us through our dark times. Because we'll always have those, even if we try so hard to get rid of them. But when that time comes that we find those people, all those bad days will be worth surviving from.
Self-talk #3 I don't want to have these kinds of thoughts anymore. I want it all to end.
Self-talk #2 What a day! The morning didn't start right, I know. For a moment I started thinking that the rest of the day will be miserable. Let's hope not. You need to understand that people are like that, they tend to mention the bad things that happened, the flaws of a person, the wrongness of the situation. They like to think highly of themselves by saying that if it were up to them, things will be better- the best even. But it's not, it's not always about them. And I'm glad that you know all that. We seem to be the one who always understand. We're always the one who will adjust for someone, for something. And maybe it's not a flaw, maybe it's an asset, not a liability, because we know and understand something they don't. Doesn't that makes us better than them? Not that rankings are important. But you get the point. ------------------------- Above are the words and emotions I've written at around 5pm. Of course, just when I thought it wouldn't get any worse, it gets worse. I don't even want to talk about it much. I'm so tired of trying and I feel like all of that effort won't even matter in the end. I don't know anymore. I'm so drained. All I hope is that you get more better days than these usual ones. I hope that all we'll be having are just bad days, and not a bad life.