Iâve Come To Make An Announcement
The shining swarm of butterflies suddenly converged again, shaping a mile-long rectangle high enough in the sky for all of snowy Radiale to see. A blinding flash of light, and the golden insects had transformed into a wide-screen TV display. Front-and-center of that display was Travis, dressed to the nines in a Christmas-color-coded suit and sitting all comfy behind a mahogany desk.
âYo!â The assassin-turned-talk-show-host waved merrily to the camera, as thunderous and in no way manufactured applause broke out. âThank you, thank you. Donât worry, Iâll try not to take too much of your time. Weâve been at these body-switching shenanigans for almost two weeks, now. And boy... what a two weeks itâs been. Nothing says âChristmas spiritâ like being forced to share our lives with total strangers, am I right?â A pause for audience laughter, as Travis sighed. âInvasions of privacy, identity crises out the butthole, constant uprootings from whatever you had planned⌠fun.â
Cue a clap of the hands, and Travisâs smile and tone taking a sharp turn down the sardonic road.
âBut hey, we all made the most of it, didnât we? Experienced things we never wouldâve otherwise! Forged new bonds! Gained a better understanding of one another! And wasnât that the point of all this? Wasnât Kâhorii being a genuine dude and not a total fucking cliche simply wanting another jerk-off to chaos? I like to think so, and thatâs why I invited over the cool cat, himself, for a friendly bout of good-natured roasting. Câmon out, Mr. Mayhem!â
The camera panned to an empty seat, before cutting back to Travis looking more and more confused. Crickets started to chirp for comedic effect. Finally, a stage assistant- nondescript to the point of being a living mannequin- leaned into frame, speaking directly into the otakuâs ears.
âWhatâs that?â Travis repeated in-between whispers, feigning surprise. âHe couldnât make it?â More whispers. âHe got spayed? Oh, thatâsââ And now he was struggling to keep a straight face. Time to wrap it up. âThatâs terrible. Looks like weâre gonna have to cut the show here, folks. Sorry âbout that, but donât worry- Iâve got a substitute planned. Thanks for tuning in! This is Travis Touchdown, signing off! Merry Christmas!â
For the next ten minutes, the screen would display vaguely-insulting cat memes expertly/magically-edited to depict Kâhorii, followed by repeated found footage of the demonic felineâs humiliating judgement-by-lightning past June.
... Travis really hoped this didnât blow up in his face... And, yâknow, that it gave those less fortunate something to smile about.