Discover Top Posts Tagged with #empty wishes

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lacrosse-mccall:

It, quite literally, broke his heart to see her cry. It always had broken his heart. Obviously, he hated seeing everyone cry. He hated when people were upset. But Lydia was...Lydia. She had gone through more than what a normal person had gone through. When she had expressed interest in him, he hesitated for the sole purpose that he didn’t want to be the reason that she had to wipe her cheeks. He let himself down, and her.

It felt like he was walking through sandstorms again, all the specks hitting his face and causing small cuts that would heal within seconds. It stung, the sand going into his eyes, as the rest of the pack was complaining about not bringing protective gear. But it always healed, so it wasn’t a big deal. The cuts always healed. How was this supposed to?

“Lydia...” he started, putting his head in his hands and running his fingers through his hair in a frustrated motion. “I don’t want to,” he insisted. It was almost like he was literally standing, running around the room, trying to grasp at straws that weren’t there.

“I’ve been pulling you back and forth. It isn’t...fair to you. There’s so much going on, I can barely even give you the time of day. It’s not fair.”

"I don't want fair!" She sniffled, folding her arms so the pressure was reminiscent of a hug. She needed the real thing, but it helped enough, she supposed.

It wasn't fair? That's what was tearing her to pieces? He didn't think it was fair? She wanted him to hold her; to be by her side, but life wasn't the scales. Life was never fair, so why? Why did that matter now?

"Nothing in Beacon Hills has ever been fair, Scott!" She wiped her eyes, her hands now wet with tears. "If things were fair, we wouldn't even know each other. You'd still be an asthmatic bench warmer and I'd-!"

She sighed, looking away from him. She'd be a liar if she said she didn't kiss her old life. She had a lot of problems, sure, but those problems had been easier. The problems of popularity, having a boyfriend, and when to plan a rager versus a small kegger. Life had been simple, but she hadn't known true happiness.

She hadn't known Scott.

"I don't want fair, Scott" she echoed.

"I just want you."

#empty wishes #scydia #poor babies :(

Mar 09, 2020

This has been such a rough go lately. And I don't know why now is so different from recent past. But I've been struggling so much lately. Crying over everything and nothing. Seeing your face everywhere. And I keep breaking my own heart.

I keep remembering moments with you. Your proposal, our parties, our friends, the last moments I saw you. It just has all come bubbling up to the surface in tangible memories the last few weeks. I don't know why but it's so painful nonetheless.

Every time I walk in the room I expect to see you there. Every time I hear a car door close, I expect it to be you. I keep hearing your voice in the words of others. You are everywhere. And it breaks me everytime.

It's been two and a half years. The logical part of me knows you aren't ever coming home again. And yet your clothes still hang in the closet. There is no life for you to return to - everyone has moved on except me - but I still keep waiting for you. Everything and everyone around me keeps growing and changing but I feel frozen in time.

I don't sleep any more. I stay up extremely late because I see you every time I close my eyes and then I can't get up in the morning. All of my efforts to move forward get undermined at every turn. It's been so draining to try and be an adult. I hate being stuck with your dog. Being a positive role model has been taxing. Being sympathetic to the fact that other people don't want to talk about you all the time is making me resentful.

More than anything I just want you to come home.

#grief #widow #thoughts #empty wishes

(BerZerker Beats)

#SoundCloud #music #BerZerker Beats #Berzerkerbeats #empty wishes #tell me #what you want #juice wrld

I feel lost and don’t know where to go. Without you the little clearing of fog that i had is gone from my mind, more fog than before has gathered and everything feels like a blur now. I wish you were still here. Imiss you..

#empty wishes #things are harder without him.... it's almost been a year since he did it.. i don't know how that day will be for me.. i wonder ..#will it pass like any other day..#personal #life feels really heavy lately

Mason | Empty Wishes

It felt like it’d been years since he moved. Or maybe only days. Hell, it could have been only hours—he didn’t know. Any concept of time had slipped out of the realm of things he could grasp and understand. Any concept of anything. He felt frozen, though his body still worked out of habit, occasionally lifting the cigarette to his lips before it would drop back to his side. The ashtray say beside him, though the majority of the ash ended up on the carpet, not the dish. He didn’t care—he didn’t even notice.

He was numb.

He was on fire.

He was broken.

… He was quiet.

Somewhere in the house, he could hear dishes rattling as they were being put away. The TV was on. The water was running. Feet against the floor. Cabinets closed too loudly. There was sound everywhere and the only thing he heard was the painful absence of a missing child. No laughs or pleasant gurgling. No legs and feet kicked against a crib—the same one that he leaned against; that kept him up. No crying, from desire or frustration. He would have done anything to hear that in the house, where sound seemed to explode around him and yet still left a deafening silence.

I wouldn’t come back though. That wasn’t something he would hear again—ever. It was gone, and it wouldn’t be long before the memory was too. So he had stopped. Moving at all meant moving on. Living meant forgetting, and that was something that he couldn’t do. Not now. Not ever. Where he once felt the tiny fingers of his child wrap around one of his own, there was only the searing burn of a smoking cigarette, held between two of the fingers and completely forgotten.

Pain was easier to accept, anyway. He deserved pain. It was his fault, after all. His own fault that this room was so quiet and still that he thought it might suffocate him. He was the one that had said it was just a mild fever and a cough. It would pass. It always passed. It was supposed to pass. It didn’t… why didn’t it? Why didn’t he just take him to the doctor? He stopped those thoughts, just like he had stopped everything else. It was easier not to think. Thinking meant feelings.

Smoke snaked up from the remnants of his cigarette as it burned marks onto his fingers. As he exhaled, he brought it to his lips. Inhale. Exhale, and lower it again. Mechanics. That’s all it was. Robotic, emotionless actions. His eyes blanked and body all but limp. He wished he was as catatonic as he looked. He wished he could get the sound of his baby’s laugh out of his head almost as much as he wished it would never leave.

He wished he could stop feeling.

#Mason #Empty Wishes #future