A little lost

[beardedpersonalady]

Well I think my weekend plans are pretty clear 🤔🙄🤣

[beardedpersonalady]

Definitely an improvement

[beardedpersonalady]

Well I think my weekend plans are pretty clear 🤔🙄🤣

[beardedpersonalady]

Today feels like it is going to be tough.

Today is 15. 15 years.

I still promise you whatever I have left. Even if it only matters to me.

[guerillawisdom]

Guerilla Wisdom

In battle, if you make your opponent flinch you have already won.

Miyamoto Musashi

[beardedpersonalady]

The BBQ is officially hot in my neck of the woods. Spring has arrived ... no matter what Mother Nature says 🤣

[beardedpersonalady]

2026 Project #2

Knit Along Tunic - finished Apr 12, 2026

[beardedpersonalady]

No matter how insignificant I feel, no matter how much the world is burning - at least my children are good people.

[beardedpersonalady]

Well I did it. I signed up for a therapy appointment.

Won't be for a few more weeks so I'll have to keep white-knuckling until then but maybe I can try and get these panic attacks to be a little less intrusive.

It's now been three nights in a row that I get one right as I'm supposed to be going to bed. I'm getting to be seriously sleep deprived.

[beardedpersonalady]

2026 Project #1

Advent Calendar blanket - completed Jan 31

[beardedpersonalady]

What do you do when you are overwhelmed overdone over it?

I feel stretched too thin. But no where I can let go.

[beardedpersonalady]

[liberalsarecool]

Republicans are an attack on the structure of our democracy.

They voted twice against impeachment.

The let Trump raise tariffs through phony emergency powers.

They let Trump invade Blue States and Blue Cities under phony emergencies.

Now, Trump is evading rape charges and insurrection charges by invading and kidnapping a sovereign leader under phony accusations.

Republicans are the problem, not just Trump.

[deepwithinwords-deactivated2026]

[beardedpersonalady]

I just need to get this out of my head so I can try and sleep.

I am terrified of the prospect that I will die at some point. I don't know why this pops up randomly and I dont know where it "comes from". But the moments in which I become aware of my own mortality, when I face the knowledge of the inevitably of it all, I have a visceral anxiety induced reaction that keeps me awake for days.

I know it's coming. I'm as human as anyone. But the thought of this all just ending terrifies me. Maybe it's the unknown. Maybe it's the lack of control over death. Maybe it's something else I have to face. But I'm scared regardless.

But just admiting I'm scared (kind of) takes the edge off. It's moments like this where my brain is not my friend and I am at a loss in how to cope.

I don't deny that therapy is probably the answer. But finding someone willing to help me address fear of a fundamental aspect of existence is not as easy as it looks.

[beardedpersonalady]

New Year New Me?

I freely admit that I am on the "New Year New Life" bandwagon. In my defense I do this the first of every month - January is no exception.

That being said, I am attempting a different approach this year. Usually I run head-long into January with plans, goals, and the "perfect" discipline.

This year I am *trying* to take a different approach. Today is about cleansing - I am eating all the food, drinking all the drink, and emptying the house of the all obstacles I usually trip over. Yes I could have done this two days ago but I, personally, find it easier to build a schedule - or tweak one - when I'm at work. The structure of the work day seems to help.

So tomorrow is my first day back after the Christmas "break" (read: I worked through my "days off") so that feels like the best time for me to implement the plans and goals I build today.

Yes, it is the quintessential "I'll start tomorrow" but I have also learned what tools are supportive and work and which ones don't. Finding the motivation - and lets admit it, I'm still the motivation stage, not the discipline or routine one - is more difficult on a day where I only have to shovel snow (@!#$ again @!#$) then on a day where I actually have to be at places at certain times.

So today is prep, plan & goal building. Tomorrow is implement and achieve. And yes achieve. I am 48. I have shit to do. And it can't wait any longer - my life is passing me by and my kids are growing too old to influence.

This is literally now or never.

[beardedpersonalady]

December accountability

As is typical for me, I got through the first three weeks or so being diligent and then it all falls off and I lose the thread. I can't even remember what I've done or not done the last few days. 🤷

[thahalfrican]

Congrats if you survived this year because what the fuck was that